Relationships and human behavior

[vraiblonde]

This isn't really about dating or marriage, it's about relationships in general. I should probably change the name of this forum...

Anyway, what I'm thinking about today is something Zig Zigler used to say in his seminars:

"You can have anything you want in life if you help enough people get what they want."

That is an adage that has served me well over the years because it's true that if you help people get what they want, they will typically in turn help you get what you want. The hardest part of that is figuring out what they and you want, because so many people really don't know what they want.

There are exceptions, though. Certain personality types, you can't be nice to them or you'll live to regret it. They see niceness or compromise as a weakness and will kick you in the teeth simply because they see you as beneath them and don't fear retaliation. Bullies are like that - you can't be nice to them because they'll see it as weak and victimize you even further. The nicer you are to them, the ####tier they will be to you. Conversely, if you smack them up - either verbally, emotionally, or physically - they suddenly get real compliant and can't grovel hard enough.

This facet of human behavior has always fascinated me because it seems to fly in the face of best interests. We see nice people get kicked around all the time by friends, family, spouses, kids, etc because they tolerate an infinite amount of bull####, which attracts the bullies in droves. Soft target. And we also see crappy people lauded and kowtowed to with flunkies galore hanging on their every word.

None of this is a new revelation, it's just what I'm thinking about today.

 

[MiddleGround]

Bullies are like that - you can't be nice to them because they'll see it as weak and victimize you even further. The nicer you are to them, the ####tier they will be to you. Conversely, if you smack them up - either verbally, emotionally, or physically - they suddenly get real compliant and can't grovel hard enough.

I was agreeing with you right up to this.

You do realize that this is no longer the 50's, 60's or 70's right? It is 2018. Quite often, you cannot just "smack up" a bully and they cower away. Now a days, they return with 6 of their friends and a gun. I can count at least 3 times in this very local area that this has happened in the last 6 months. One-on-one is great. Teach your kid to defend themselves but, unless Bruce Lee has returned from the dead, you cannot teach a kid (or adult for that matter) to cover their backside from 6 people.

And we also see crappy people lauded and kowtowed to with flunkies galore hanging on their every word.

YES.. yes we do. Most true statement in the entire post.

 

[Bann]

This isn't really about dating or marriage, it's about relationships in general. I should probably change the name of this forum...

Anyway, what I'm thinking about today is something Zig Zigler used to say in his seminars:

"You can have anything you want in life if you help enough people get what they want."

That is an adage that has served me well over the years because it's true that if you help people get what they want, they will typically in turn help you get what you want. The hardest part of that is figuring out what they and you want, because so many people really don't know what they want.

There are exceptions, though. Certain personality types, you can't be nice to them or you'll live to regret it. They see niceness or compromise as a weakness and will kick you in the teeth simply because they see you as beneath them and don't fear retaliation. Bullies are like that - you can't be nice to them because they'll see it as weak and victimize you even further. The nicer you are to them, the ####tier they will be to you. Conversely, if you smack them up - either verbally, emotionally, or physically - they suddenly get real compliant and can't grovel hard enough.

This facet of human behavior has always fascinated me because it seems to fly in the face of best interests. We see nice people get kicked around all the time by friends, family, spouses, kids, etc because they tolerate an infinite amount of bull####, which attracts the bullies in droves. Soft target. And we also see crappy people lauded and kowtowed to with flunkies galore hanging on their every word.

None of this is a new revelation, it's just what I'm thinking about today.

I've always loved Zig Ziglar!

 

[Bann]

I was agreeing with you right up to this.

You do realize that this is no longer the 50's, 60's or 70's right? It is 2018. Quite often, you cannot just "smack up" a bully and they cower away. Now a days, they return with 6 of their friends and a gun. I can count at least 3 times in this very local area that this has happened in the last 6 months. One-on-one is great. Teach your kid to defend themselves but, unless Bruce Lee has returned from the dead, you cannot teach a kid (or adult for that matter) to cover their backside from 6 people.



YES.. yes we do. Most true statement in the entire post.

I would call that a gang. Gangs are bullies, but they are also typically criminals.

Where in "this very local area" did you hear of a person returning with 6 (or more) friends and a gun to take care of someone they were bullying? (You, know - that person who stood up to them and dissed them right back).

Was it a school? A neighborhood playground? A McDonald's parking lot?

Do tell.

 

[SamSpade]

Now a days, they return with 6 of their friends and a gun..

I'll have to warn my nine year old that the playground in suburbia is this dangerous.
Apparently her teachers are unaware of this.

 

[MiddleGround]

I would call that a gang. Gangs are bullies, but they are also typically criminals.

Where in "this very local area" did you hear of a person returning with 6 (or more) friends and a gun to take care of someone they were bullying? (You, know - that person who stood up to them and dissed them right back).

Was it a school? A neighborhood playground? A McDonald's parking lot?

Do tell.

So, that makes what I said... Untrue??

Did you not read about or see the video from Leonardtown Middle where the 4 kids curb stomped the victim after he stood up for himself? That is the most recent I remember.

Bottom line is that this isn't Happy Days anymore where bullying and fighting is restricted to fist-to-cuffs and the loser slinks away and doesn't bother the victim anymore. This is 2018!

 

[Bann]

So, that makes what I said... Untrue??

Did you not read about or see the video from Leonardtown Middle where the 4 kids curb stomped the victim after he stood up for himself? That is the most recent I remember.

Bottom line is that this isn't Happy Days anymore where bullying and fighting is restricted to fist-to-cuffs and the loser slinks away and doesn't bother the victim anymore. This is 2018!

You said there were at least 3 incidents with a gun.

Was this kid curb stomped or shot with a gun?

You can't back up what you say - so yes, it does make a difference.

Put up or shut up.

 

[MiddleGround]

You said there were at least 3 incidents with a gun.

Was this kid curb stomped or shot with a gun?

You can't back up what you say - so yes, it does make a difference.

Put up or shut up.

Its funny how you can read, absorb, and regurgitate that extreme example (which was exactly that.. an extreme example) yet not take into account any other word that was mentioned.

Fine... I will say that a GUN IS NOT ALWAYS USED IN THESE SITUATIONS.

So, what is your excuse for the rest of what I said??

EDIT: By the way, so you do not focus on some other inane detail.. the fight I used as an example happened at Leonardtown HS on November 27, 2017.

 

[GURPS]

We see nice people get kicked around all the time by friends, family, spouses, kids, .....

yeah for some reason women are attracted to the 'bad boys' then end up being the beaters and abusers ... nice guys finish last

 

[GURPS]

Quite often, you cannot just "smack up" a bully and they cower away. Now a days, they return with 6 of their friends and a gun.

then that ain't 'a bully' that's an ass hat in a gang ....

 

[vraiblonde]

yeah for some reason women are attracted to the 'bad boys' then end up being the beaters and abusers ... nice guys finish last

Uh, hate to break it to you, but I know an awful lot of men who are attracted to crappy women and they end up being treated like garbage. Perhaps if nice guys were either A) really nice and not passive-aggressive tools; or B) attracted to healthy women instead of trophy girl fixer uppers, they wouldn't finish last.

 

[MiddleGround]

Uh, hate to break it to you, but I know an awful lot of men who are attracted to crappy women and they end up being treated like garbage. Perhaps if nice guys were either A) really nice and not passive-aggressive tools; or B) attracted to healthy women instead of trophy girl fixer uppers, they wouldn't finish last.

Define "healthy women."

 

[Bann]

Its funny how you can read, absorb, and regurgitate that extreme example (which was exactly that.. an extreme example) yet not take into account any other word that was mentioned.

Fine... I will say that a GUN IS NOT ALWAYS USED IN THESE SITUATIONS.

So, what is your excuse for the rest of what I said??

EDIT: By the way, so you do not focus on some other inane detail.. the fight I used as an example happened at Leonardtown HS on November 27, 2017.

So? It was ONE example and it did not, in fact, remotely resemble the so-called facts you threw out in your other post to support your inane argument that today's bullies are much worse.

I just pointed out your inaccuracies, and your failure to - you know - prove your argument.

 

[GURPS]

Uh, hate to break it to you, but I know an awful lot of men who are attracted to crappy women and they end up being treated like garbage.

yeah I know it cuts both ways ...

 

[MiddleGround]

So? It was ONE example and it did not, in fact, remotely resemble the so-called facts you threw out in your other post to support your inane argument that today's bullies are much worse.

I just pointed out your inaccuracies, and your failure to - you know - prove your argument.

Oh my... then by all means "queens little helper", please point out to all of us how you pointed out the inaccuracies with my example. Other than there being no gun involved, please...do tell

If you read the story and know what happened, that kid was being bullied by a student and, when he decided to stick up for himself, got stomped on by that very bully and 3 of his friends. So, where exactly did that depart from the point I had?? Hmmmm???

Just because you THINK you know everything there is to know about the state of bullying in schools today DOES NOT mean you do!!! Sometimes it is better to just shut your yapper and keep your half-ass opinions to yourself

 

[Bann]

Oh my... then by all means "queens little helper", please point out to all of us how you pointed out the inaccuracies with my example. Other than there being no gun involved, please...do tell

If you read the story and know what happened, that kid was being bullied by a student and, when he decided to stick up for himself, got stomped on by that very bully and 3 of his friends. So, where exactly did that depart from the point I had?? Hmmmm???

Just because you THINK you know everything there is to know about the state of bullying in schools today DOES NOT mean you do!!! Sometimes it is better to just shut your yapper and keep your half-ass opinions to yourself

Apparently, you forgot about the posts you made -

I was agreeing with you right up to this.

You do realize that this is no longer the 50's, 60's or 70's right? It is 2018. Quite often, you cannot just "smack up" a bully and they cower away. Now a days, they return with 6 of their friends and a gun. I can count at least 3 times in this very local area that this has happened in the last 6 months. One-on-one is great. Teach your kid to defend themselves but, unless Bruce Lee has returned from the dead, you cannot teach a kid (or adult for that matter) to cover their backside from 6 people.

So, that makes what I said... Untrue??

Did you not read about or see the video from Leonardtown Middle where the 4 kids curb stomped the victim after he stood up for himself? That is the most recent I remember.

Bottom line is that this isn't Happy Days anymore where bullying and fighting is restricted to fist-to-cuffs and the loser slinks away and doesn't bother the victim anymore. This is 2018!

Are you always this obtuse?

I challenged you on your original claim (pointed out inaccuracies) that in 2018 - the bullies return with six of their friends and a gun. You acquiesced that "not all the time a gun is used". However, I also challenged your original claim that you could think of at least THREE times in the last 6 months that this happened. Your one and only example didn't prove your original claim.

You've provided no situations in the last 6 months (in this very local area!) to prove that original claim.

 

[MiddleGround]

Actually, the obtuseness is yours. You fail to see the point of the post yet choose to focus on innane details in order to prove otherwise. No wonder this country is in the ####ter. No one wants to address the problem and instead, they want to pick apart the details because it is "easier"

Bottom line is that the kid stood up for himself to one bully. Bully returned with 3 friends (that makes 4 total for the math challenged) and they stomped him.... for sticking up for himself.

If you want to get into a pissing match because it was 4 kids and not 6.. then by all means... go on with your bad self. However, the point is still valid and true.

I bet you are one of those "My little angel didn do nuffin" types... right?

 

[Bann]

Actually, the obtuseness is yours. You fail to see the point of the post yet choose to focus on innane details in order to prove otherwise. No wonder this country is in the ####ter. No one wants to address the problem and instead, they want to pick apart the details because it is "easier"

Bottom line is that the kid stood up for himself to one bully. Bully returned with 3 friends (that makes 4 total for the math challenged) and they stomped him.... for sticking up for himself.

If you want to get into a pissing match because it was 4 kids and not 6.. then by all means... go on with your bad self. However, the point is still valid and true.

I bet you are one of those "My little angel didn do nuffin" types... right?

You're the one who brought up your inane points. :shrug:

P.s. my little angels are all grown up into productive young men who function quite well in society.

 

[MiddleGround]

You're the one who brought up your inane points. :shrug:

P.s. my little angels are all grown up into productive young men who function quite well in society.

Roughly translated:

"I have not had children in the school system for quite some time therefore, I do not know the current atmosphere with regards to this topic but, felt like putting in my two sense anyways and passing it off as facts. Although I cannot disagree with or disprove the main point of the topic at hand, I will point to non-important numbering and times in a desperate attempt to validate my opinion. "

 

[Grumpy]

.. felt like putting in my two sense anyways

Looks like you need more skooling.