Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 24

Thread: Tell us your funny stories

  1. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by edinsomd View Post
    My APU license was tacked up on the wall at George's. I think you mean Casul Verde, a "green" wine there IIRC. Good times!
    My nightie was in the net hanging from the ceiling. All my running mates signed it, including the Master Chief - Gary was here (he wasn't).

  2. #12
    DumbA$$ DoWhat's Avatar
    Member Since
    Jul 2003
    Posts
    22,743
    Blog Entries
    1
    There I was at 38k ft. cruising around 380kt.
    Flying a boring mission in the Med (backseater) in an EA-3B.
    I ended up falling asleep, dreaming of getting back to sunny Sig for that nice ice cold beer (and many more).
    During my little nap, I was not fastened to my seat, which is also your parachute attached to your torso harness.
    Next thing I hear is a BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Plane is going down, rumbling all over.
    I snap awake, drool flying and attached my koch fittings to my parachute and put my hand on the harness release handle, ready to bailout.
    After a few seconds of the rumble and downward motion, the aircraft smooths out.
    We call up front to the Pilot, “What the f**k is going on?”
    He said he was sorry about the scare.
    He let us know that the Nav was getting back in his seat, after using the piss tube, and hit the gear handle.
    Gear dropped at 38k feet, flying at 380kt.


    The Nav bought the beer that night.
    Attached Images Attached Images  

  3. #13
    Who you callin' pussy? gary_webb's Avatar
    Member Since
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Pussy footin' around
    Posts
    1,659
    Quote Originally Posted by SailorGirl View Post
    My nightie was in the net hanging from the ceiling. All my running mates signed it, including the Master Chief - Gary was here (he wasn't).
    I cannot recall.
    Quote Originally Posted by aliceheimer View Post
    I still love you gary!

  4. #14
    Quote Originally Posted by gary_webb View Post
    I cannot recall.
    Really Gary? Really? You flossed your teeth with the ribbons.

  5. #15
    Who you callin' pussy? gary_webb's Avatar
    Member Since
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Pussy footin' around
    Posts
    1,659
    Quote Originally Posted by SailorGirl View Post
    Really Gary? Really? You flossed your teeth with the ribbons.

    Loose lips sink ships.
    Quote Originally Posted by aliceheimer View Post
    I still love you gary!

  6. #16
    Registered User edinsomd's Avatar
    Member Since
    Sep 2006
    Location
    callaway
    Posts
    4,612
    A joke told over the P-3 Intercommunication System (ICS) on conference 2. The extra ICS channel was great for not stepping on important comms among the crew, and was used often on long flights for entertainment. Here tis:

    So the big tall Texan walks into the cantina in Old Mexico, and asks what's on the menu.
    "Today's special, senor, is mountain oyster, very fresh!"
    So he orders up a serving. They're the best thing he's had in a very long time! So he asks exactly what a "mountain oyster" is.
    "Senor, it is the testicles of the bull killed in the arena by the Matador today!"
    Well not exactly home cooking, but the big tall Texan wasn't home, and they WERE right tasty

    So the next time the big tall Texan is in town, he stops at the same cantina. Asks if more of those mountain oysters were to be had.
    "Si senor, they'll be right up. Very fresh!"
    When served, the big tall Texan remarked that these mountain oysters were much smaller than the ones he had before.
    "Senor, sometimes the bull, he wins."
    Last edited by edinsomd; 06-08-2018 at 04:49 PM.
    Which part of "...shall not be infringed." do you not understand?

  7. #17
    Awww, jeez Monello's Avatar
    Member Since
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Canaryville AKA St. Monello
    Posts
    8,458
    Blog Entries
    7
    Putting shoe polish on the newbies hearing protection. Dumb and funny at the same time. It's a good way to gauge someone's sense of humor.
    "Is Uncle Monello homeless?"

    Monello thinks he is king of the forum, now. Just keep that in mind.
    I do this #### all day long, deal with freaks and wackjobs - BM

    Veterans before illegals

  8. #18
    Awww, jeez Monello's Avatar
    Member Since
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Canaryville AKA St. Monello
    Posts
    8,458
    Blog Entries
    7
    I PCSed and was expecting household goods. At the time the Navy was going to privatized housing, so they rented 100 units in a brand new, 300 unit complex a few miles from base. I was on the ship and the quarterdeck had 1 phone line.

    I guess someone in house hold goods transposed my apartment number. I get a call on the QD. It's a guy I was stationed with about a decade ago. Somehow he got the phone call that HHGs were on the way. He told them he wasn't expecting a delivery. The caller said aren't you Monello Awesome? He said no but I know him. So my old shipmate was able to track me down, call the ship and tell me that my HHGs were an hour out. That guy ended up being my neighbor for a few years.
    "Is Uncle Monello homeless?"

    Monello thinks he is king of the forum, now. Just keep that in mind.
    I do this #### all day long, deal with freaks and wackjobs - BM

    Veterans before illegals

  9. #19
    Doris Day meets Lady Gaga Bann's Avatar
    Member Since
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Prince Frederick
    Posts
    26,421
    Blog Entries
    1
    Quote Originally Posted by edinsomd View Post
    A joke told over the P-3 Intercommunication System (ICS) on channel 2. The extra ICS channel was great for not stepping on important comms among the crew, and was used often on long flights for entertainment. Here tis:

    So the big tall Texan walks into the cantina in Old Mexico, and asks what's on the menu.
    "Today's special, senor, is mountain oyster, very fresh!"
    So he orders up a serving. They're the best thing he's had in a very long time! So he asks exactly what a "mountain oyster" is.
    "Senor, it is the testicles of the bull killed in the arena by the Matador today!"
    Well not exactly home cooking, but the big tall Texan wasn't home, and they WERE right tasty

    So the next time the big tall Texan is in town, he stops at the same cantina. Asks if more of those mountain oysters were to be had.
    "Si senor, they'll be right up. Very fresh!"
    When served, the big tall Texan remarked that these mountain oysters were much smaller than the ones he had before.
    "Senor, sometimes the bull, he wins."


    Ewwwww.

  10. #20
    Registered User edinsomd's Avatar
    Member Since
    Sep 2006
    Location
    callaway
    Posts
    4,612
    So there AWANEd was, onboard Naval Air Station Jacksonville, FLA (NAS JAX, or just JAX) on Day 2 of Helicopter Rescue Swimmer School.
    It was called a Practical Evaluation, where the instructors would see if any of us could actually swim, which is kind of key to become a Helicopter Rescue Swimmer.
    An aside, passing SAR School was really not an option for me, as we were told if failed, our next stop would be ship's company as a non-rate, meaning get familiar with deck grinders and paint brushes, or aircraft chocks and tie-down chains, depending. They'll pick the ship's number, you can pick the color, as long as it's haze gray.. Neither option charmed me much.
    So, after chow we mustered at the pool in our shorts and tee shirts, now stenciled with a number and name. No fins or dive mask allowed. The swimming pool, OK, training tank, was 50 yards in length and 12 feet down, everywhere. No splishy splashy shallow end. 12 lanes were described by dark tiles. The eval itself was one lap (up and back, 100 yards) of breast stroke, side stroke, and elementary back stroke, where your hands never break the water's surface, easy.
    I had been on swim teams since I was 8 years old, and raced for our high school's team. We got to State level, but were crushed by a team of mutants who I swear had webbed toes and gills. Really cute young ladies, though, which had a big input on my swim team participation.
    Anyway, my turn in the tank. This is a timed event, too, so just finishing doesn't mean you pass. It means you MIGHT get another shot.
    I jumped in, and started, making good time with the breast stroke (I used to race the 100 and 200 meter breast stroke events) the went to the side stroke, which was easy, but nothing I'd spent a lot of time doing in the past, and then the elementary back stroke, sort of a breast stroke, flipped. Boring. I was well ahead of the clock. Then it hit me, I could impress the instructors with my swimming expertise by finishing the last 50 yards doing the butterfly, a fast double overarm stroke with a dolphin kick. So I did.
    What a bad mistake.
    I popped out of the tank all happy and was met by three instructors.
    "What the F do we have here? Mark F-ing Spitz??!!"
    "Why are you F-ing up MY Navy practical eval, AWANEd? Are you a F-ing commie??!!"
    "I think F-ing Mark Spitz here needs to meet the Blue Baby!"
    Oops.
    I had managed to single myself out for special attention by the instructor cadre, not a good thing. I got the Blue Baby.
    The Blue Baby is a 10 pound dumbbell weight, and cannot get wet. Doesn't sound like much, until you have to swim with it. I was "awarded" 100 yards with the Blue Baby, and a ridiculously short time to complete the swim. I opted for the now not so boring elementary back stroke, and completed the 100 yards well past the allotted, impossible time.
    So, up on the deck for some extra PT because I didn't meet the Blue Baby time, and repeat the Practical Evaluation, because I "contaminated" the first one with an unapproved swim stroke. I didn't opt for the butterfly finale, this time. And I did pass just fine. Lesson learned.
    The rest of the class was kept busy with push-ups and flutter kicks and what not while I swam. They weren't especially happy with me, but the instructors would have found another reason to PT them.
    It was going to be a long eight weeks.
    And guess what my nick name was for the duration?
    F-ing Mark Spitz.
    Last edited by edinsomd; 06-10-2018 at 05:07 PM.
    Which part of "...shall not be infringed." do you not understand?

Members who have read this thread: 61

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Search:     Advanced Search
Search HELP

| Home | Help | Contact Us | About somd.com | Privacy | Advertising | Sponsors | Newsletter |

| What's New | What's Cool | Top Rated | Add A Link | Mod a Link |

| Announcements | Bookstore | Cafe | Calendar | Classifieds | Community |
| Culture | Dating | Dining | Education | Employment | Entertainment |
| Forums | Free E-Mail | Games | Gear! | Government | Guestbook | Health | Marketplace | Mortgage | News |
| Organizations | Photos | Real Estate | Relocation | Sports | Survey | Travel | Wiki | Weather | Worship |