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Thread: Tell us your funny stories

  1. #1
    Awww, jeez Monello's Avatar
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    Tell us your funny stories

    San Diego NTC 1983

    I was at the Master at Arms shack using their engraver to mark my new watch. A very young sailor comes in with a story of woe. Someone in town stole his wallet. Actually he gave his wallet to someone to hold. And here's his story but first a little back story.

    In the early 1980s enlisted E-3 and below needed to be in uniform when leaving the base for liberty. You went down to the YMCA and changed into civilian clothes then put your uni in a locker.

    So sailor boy is in uniform in downtown SD. He's approached by a Lieutenant that is carrying a holy Joe, guard mail envelope. He calls Ricky Recruit over and says he needs his help. The LT has to go into a building but for some reason he can't bring in the envelope. He needs hayseed to hold the envelope while he goes in. The stuff in the envelope is very important. Vada, vada. Just before going into the building the LT says and to make sure you don't take off, give me your ID card as insurance you don't take off. The newby agrees. Then the officer says better yet, you may not care about leaving your ID, so just give me your entire wallet. It's the day after payday before the days of direct deposit. The kid agrees to hand over his wallet because for the past few months the Navy has instilled in him an obedience in authority. Especially authority that wears gold on their cover.

    20 minutes goes by and the LT never shows back up. The kid opens the envelope and finds a bunch of junk papers. He reports the incident. I'm listening while trying to play off like I'm not. 1 of the people he is speaking with goes over to a filing cabinet and pulls out an 8 by 10 picture. He asks the kid if this is the guy who scammed him. He replies yes.

    Some guy with a uniform he probably bought piecemeal at local thrift stores has been fleecing sailors as a part time job. He got this kid for a few hundred dollars. I never heard what happened but I'm sure the kid never got his money back.

    Who says crime doesn't pay?
    "Is Uncle Monello homeless?"

    Monello thinks he is king of the forum, now. Just keep that in mind.
    I do this #### all day long, deal with freaks and wackjobs - BM

    Veterans before illegals

  2. #2
    Registered User edinsomd's Avatar
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    The difference between a sea story and a fairy tale is a Fairy Tale starts with "Once upon a time" and a Sea Story always begins with "Now his ain't no sh!t..."

    Now this ain't no sh!t.
    There I was, on the first leg of a UNITAS Det, where we exercise with our South American friend’s Navy's. Usually a coveted detachment, especially the last leg which is held in Rio, for reasons that are obvious. Coveted because the per diem was generous and the accommodations were usually 4 star hotels and high end restaurants. Usually, that is, unless one is on the first Unitas leg, as I was. My P-3 crew and I were billeted in the famous Bundy barracks in Puerto Rico (open bay, no window screens, floor fan to move the air), and had a dining choice of the Navy chow hall or the Exchange’s greasy spoon. To add insult to injury, on our in-chop brief, they issued us ration cards for booze and tobacco. Something like two fifths of hard liquor and 10 cigars a week. Completely unsat, as I had planned to stock up on the unbelievably low priced Bacardi rum and stogies for the trip home. What to do….
    Hmmm, seems the “ration card” was merely an 8 1/2 x 11 sheet of paper, with check off blocks at the appropriate items. I looked at the ration card.
    I then looked at the Xerox machine in the corner.
    20 copies later, and I was eventually able to pretty much fill a cruise box with cases of rum and boxes of Nicaraguan stogies.
    I guess the first leg of Unitas wasn’t so bad after all!

    Then there was the emerald I scored in Panama, but that’s another story.
    Which part of "...shall not be infringed." do you not understand?

  3. #3
    Awww, jeez Monello's Avatar
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    This took place overseas in the mid 1980s.

    We got our mail at work. A guy I worked with got 6 letters from the credit union. He overdrew his checking account. What he would do is go the the ATM and check his balance. If he had money, he'd withdraw it and go party. Even though he had checks that hadn't cleared. Each over draw was for very small amounts. Each cost him a $15 penalty. So in total $90 in 1 month when we didn't get paid all that much.

    I had overdraft protection on my credit union checking account. This was instead of bouncing a check, the credit union would float me a short term load. The interest on the loan was less than a penalty and didn't negatively affect your credit score. So I told my shipmate that he needed to get a line of credit. He ended up getting 1 for $1,000.

    Fast forward a few months. The mail comes in again. Dude gets his credit union statement. The same guy is complaining to me that I screwed him over. I ask, "How so?'. Turns out he borrowed all the money in his line of credit. He was making minimum payments of around $20 a month. He figured it would take him years to pay off his loan. Somehow I was the bad guy in all this.

    From that day forward I never told anyone "This is what you should do". Instead I say "Here's what I do".
    "Is Uncle Monello homeless?"

    Monello thinks he is king of the forum, now. Just keep that in mind.
    I do this #### all day long, deal with freaks and wackjobs - BM

    Veterans before illegals

  4. #4
    Awww, jeez Monello's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by edinsomd View Post
    The difference between a sea story and a fairy tale is a Fairy Tale starts with "Once upon a time" and a Sea Story always begins with "Now his ain't no sh!t..."

    Now this ain't no sh!t.
    There I was, on the first leg of a UNITAS Det, where we exercise with our South American friend’s Navy's. Usually a coveted detachment, especially the last leg which is held in Rio, for reasons that are obvious. Coveted because the per diem was generous and the accommodations were usually 4 star hotels and high end restaurants. Usually, that is, unless one is on the first Unitas leg, as I was. My P-3 crew and I were billeted in the famous Bundy barracks in Puerto Rico (open bay, no window screens, floor fan to move the air), and had a dining choice of the Navy chow hall or the Exchange’s greasy spoon. To add insult to injury, on our in-chop brief, they issued us ration cards for booze and tobacco. Something like two fifths of hard liquor and 10 cigars a week. Completely unsat, as I had planned to stock up on the unbelievably low priced Bacardi rum and stogies for the trip home. What to do….
    Hmmm, seems the “ration card” was merely an 8 1/2 x 11 sheet of paper, with check off blocks at the appropriate items. I looked at the ration card.
    I then looked at the Xerox machine in the corner.
    20 copies later, and I was eventually able to pretty much fill a cruise box with cases of rum and boxes of Nicaraguan stogies.
    I guess the first leg of Unitas wasn’t so bad after all!

    Then there was the emerald I scored in Panama, but that’s another story.
    I would go over to the coast guard base in Puerto Rico. They sold half gallon bottles of name brand rum for $6 back in the day. I gave them out for Christmas presents. I didn't feel the need to say how much I paid for them.

    In Naples they had an amazing Asti Spumante that went for 95 cents a bottle. I miss those days.
    "Is Uncle Monello homeless?"

    Monello thinks he is king of the forum, now. Just keep that in mind.
    I do this #### all day long, deal with freaks and wackjobs - BM

    Veterans before illegals

  5. #5
    This is going back many moons, but has anyone ever been deployed to Lajes Azores and visited George the Crook (at least that's what my squadron called him).

  6. #6
    My fist trip as a merchant marine was on a cargo ship C4-2B5, in the north Atlantic with a deck cargo of deuce and a half trucks bound for Jordan. The ship ran into a storm and we pretty much stayed in place for 36 hours as the ship got beaten up pretty good. We lost the majority of the trucks overboard, maybe 4 or 5 were left from the 20 we started with as deck cargo. When we finally got to Jordan the locals jumped in each truck and tried to start it, if it ran they drove them away if not a bulldozer shoved them off the dock into the water. They didn't even bother to salvage anything from the trucks. Beautiful crystal clear deep water with 4 trucks leaking diesel and lube oil from the bottom. Crazy.
    No more splitting Uranium for fun and profit, retirement is cool so far....

  7. #7
    Registered User edinsomd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SailorGirl View Post
    This is going back many moons, but has anyone ever been deployed to Lajes Azores and visited George the Crook (at least that's what my squadron called him).
    VP-49 in the mid-'80s. Split deployment between there and Rota, Spain. Good hunting there!
    Which part of "...shall not be infringed." do you not understand?

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by edinsomd View Post
    VP-49 in the mid-'80s. Split deployment between there and Rota, Spain. Good hunting there!
    So you did get to George the Crooks - I'm a lightweight when it comes to drinking but I'm reasonably certain that I laid a real egg in his bar the first night I was there and somehow when he cracked it open my nightie which had been in my room at the barracks was in it. That was a pretty wild night, I think a patted a bull in the middle of the street when we left that night. Their local wine (Casal or something like that)was delicious, I'm not much of a drinker though.

  9. #9
    Yesterday afternoon my son and a few family members were sitting at the picnic tables next to the movie theater at MCRD Parris and he was telling us about some of the funny rememberable moments in the last 13 weeks.
    One was about his rackmates first letter from his Marine father, after the young man's name on the letters address dad had written " Birdman " so during mail call his name was yelled with adding birdman at the end.
    After that when the young recruit responded the any DI his response was Cacaw,,, Drill Sergeant..

    Oh, and Monello, Cruzan rum in the bargin bin was 99¢ a fifth in the late 70's.
    Last edited by black dog; 06-01-2018 at 05:38 AM.

  10. #10
    Registered User edinsomd's Avatar
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    My APU license was tacked up on the wall at George's. I think you mean Casul Verde, a "green" wine there IIRC. Good times!
    Which part of "...shall not be infringed." do you not understand?

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