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Thread: Supporting grown children

  1. #11
    Doris Day meets Lady Gaga Bann's Avatar
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    My younger son, (affectionately referred to on here as Thing2 when I write about him) is a registered Republican, and quite conservative for his age (22). He didn't vote for DJT. He voted for Johnson.

    Even though we are both conservative, he has views that differ from mine on some issues, but like Vrai said - I make my views known but it doesn't become a big deal or a bone of contention. I don't tell him how to run his life - I'm more like a coach now -heck, I'm his biggest fan and cheerleader. (Although, he DOES value my opinion and advice and when he needs it, he comes to me to ask for it).

    When he was in HS he was a pretty good kid, but there were a few times we clashed and I overruled him. Towards the end of his sophomore year, I disagreed with his change of mind about his future. HE decided he didn't want to pursue college and I put the pressure on pretty hard until we had a big meeting of the minds. I realized the decision had to be his - and was glad he made the decision, because there was NO way I wanted to bust my butt to send him when his mind wasn't set on it. (I had some good advice from Vrai on that, as well) His decision turned out to be a good one, but thenhe faced some hurdles unrelated to his prior decision which ultimately changed the course he was to take career-wise. I supported him throughout those hurdles as he made his way.

    He's a pretty straight arrow and hasn't been in any legal trouble, other than a few HS shenanigans, but if he should ever take a walk over to the dark side, he knows he is on his own. I would not support that, and knows it.

    Thing1 is different. He has the developmental disability which affects his social-emotional age and he will always be immature. He is still expected to comport himself in a particular way and he doesn't get away with shenanigans. He has chores at home, he works, he volunteers in the community. He doesn't have tendencies towards criminal behaviors - to the contrary - he has a strong sense of right and wrong and in being a decent citizen. That is because it's how I raised him.

  2. #12
    My kids are still too young to have opinions on big issues that are markedly different from my own.
    But they may notice that just between my WIFE and I - we do disagree on some major ones.

    Since I have a wife and friends who disagree over some of these - I don't think I'd disown any kids,
    although I have members of my extended family who HAVE disowned other members of their family.

    And it's always the kids with their parents (with one exception) - the kids keep away from Mom or Dad, openly malign them,
    insult them while espousing their more "enlightened" views. One of them has a reasonably active blog,
    where every post has SOMETHING to say about her parents. She's in her thirties and I'd think she would have
    grown past it by now.

    I do have a brother who is VERY adamant in his religious beliefs - enough so that his daughter married someone
    who was Catholic - and he refused to attend her wedding. She divorced - and later married a Muslim - and again,
    he would not attend the wedding. His reasoning was that having raised her in his church, attending the wedding
    would lend legitimacy to THEIR religion, and he wouldn't do that. I tried to tell him, look, she's NOT part of your
    religion, and if a Catholic or Muslim *friend* asked you to come to their wedding, you'd go.

    So - I resolved - THAT would never be me. I would not darken my child's happiest day over something like that.
    “Good intentions will always be pleaded for every assumption of authority. It is hardly too strong to say that the Constitution was made to guard the people against the dangers of good intentions. There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters.".Daniel Webster

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