FIREMAN
New Member
Hang over classifications
1 star hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere
disco nap which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad that
you
are able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You
can drink 10 sodas and still feel this way. You are craving a steak
bomber and a side of gravy fries.
2 star hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you
Have mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you chug is only irritating
Your rumbling gut, which is craving a rootie tootie fresh and fruity pancake
breakfast from IHOP. Last night has wreaked havoc on your bowels.
3 star hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive.
Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the
random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer
86'd you at 1:45 a.m. Life would be better right now if you were in your bed
with a dozen donuts and a meatball sub watching the E! fashion awards.
You've
had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 Snapples and a liter of diet coke
yet you haven't peed once.
4 star hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or
Else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and
Has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but
that
can't hide the fact that you missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, (girls
it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars). Your
eyes look like one big vein and your hair style makes you look like a reject
from the class picture of Revere High, '76.
5 star hangover (*****)
AKA "Dante's 4th Circle of Hell." You have a second heartbeat in your
Head which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube.
Vodka
vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have
toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth.
Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is
Suffocating you. Death seems pretty good right now. You definitely don't
remember who you were with, where you were, what you drank, and why there is
a
Stranger still sleeping in your bed at your house.
6 star hangover (******)
Otherwise known as the "Infinite Nutsmacker" You wake up on your bathroom
floor. For about 2 seconds you look at the ceiling, wondering if the cool
refreshing feeling on your cheek is the bathroom tile or your puke from 5
hours ago. It is amazing how your roommate was as drunk as you, but
somehow manages to get up before you the next morning....You try to lift
your
head.
Not an option. It is when you turn your head too quickly only to smell
The funk of 13 packs of cigarettes in your hair, and suddenly you realize
you
were smoking, but not ultra lights...some jackass handed you Marlboro
reds, and you smoked them like it was your second full time job. You look in
the mirror only to see remnants of the stamp "Ready to Rock" faintly atop
your forehead...... that explains the stamp on the back of your hand that
has
magically appeared on your forehead by alcoholic osmosis. You have to be
to work in t-minus 14 minutes and 32 seconds and the only thing you can
think of wearing is your "hello kitty" pajamas and your slippers.
1 star hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere
disco nap which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad that
you
are able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You
can drink 10 sodas and still feel this way. You are craving a steak
bomber and a side of gravy fries.
2 star hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you
Have mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you chug is only irritating
Your rumbling gut, which is craving a rootie tootie fresh and fruity pancake
breakfast from IHOP. Last night has wreaked havoc on your bowels.
3 star hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive.
Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the
random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer
86'd you at 1:45 a.m. Life would be better right now if you were in your bed
with a dozen donuts and a meatball sub watching the E! fashion awards.
You've
had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 Snapples and a liter of diet coke
yet you haven't peed once.
4 star hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or
Else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and
Has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but
that
can't hide the fact that you missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, (girls
it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars). Your
eyes look like one big vein and your hair style makes you look like a reject
from the class picture of Revere High, '76.
5 star hangover (*****)
AKA "Dante's 4th Circle of Hell." You have a second heartbeat in your
Head which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube.
Vodka
vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have
toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth.
Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is
Suffocating you. Death seems pretty good right now. You definitely don't
remember who you were with, where you were, what you drank, and why there is
a
Stranger still sleeping in your bed at your house.
6 star hangover (******)
Otherwise known as the "Infinite Nutsmacker" You wake up on your bathroom
floor. For about 2 seconds you look at the ceiling, wondering if the cool
refreshing feeling on your cheek is the bathroom tile or your puke from 5
hours ago. It is amazing how your roommate was as drunk as you, but
somehow manages to get up before you the next morning....You try to lift
your
head.
Not an option. It is when you turn your head too quickly only to smell
The funk of 13 packs of cigarettes in your hair, and suddenly you realize
you
were smoking, but not ultra lights...some jackass handed you Marlboro
reds, and you smoked them like it was your second full time job. You look in
the mirror only to see remnants of the stamp "Ready to Rock" faintly atop
your forehead...... that explains the stamp on the back of your hand that
has
magically appeared on your forehead by alcoholic osmosis. You have to be
to work in t-minus 14 minutes and 32 seconds and the only thing you can
think of wearing is your "hello kitty" pajamas and your slippers.
