God...it's me again
- Thread starter Sharon
- Start date
Teddy Bear
Member
Sharon,
My heart goes out to you--and you and your entire family are now on my prayer list. I do know what you are going through. I called it 'tough love' when we had my son arrested, but we had tried everything else. I look back and don't know how I put one foot in front of the other for about six months, but I'm living proof that God doesn't give you more than you can handle.
My son could be described much like your daughter--so much going for him, but he made some bad choices and got in too deep to get out by himself. The Juvenile Justice System didn't make things any easier. The one thing that helped was when my husband told me to fast forward in my mind ten years in the future and tell him how I saw our son. I have always known he would be successful, and so I described that picture. Then he pointed out that it wouldn't take ten years for him to achieve that and we needed to keep our eyes on the final outcome and not let all the crap we were going through sink us all into a deep depression.
Things came to a peak three years ago and today he is a wonderful 19 year old, holding down a great job, happy with life and forever telling us how much he loves us--both in words and actions. It wasn't easy at the time, but I know there is a reason we all went through that hell. I don't know the reason yet, but trust that I will some day. Here's a hug for you, Sharon. Keep us posted.
My heart goes out to you--and you and your entire family are now on my prayer list. I do know what you are going through. I called it 'tough love' when we had my son arrested, but we had tried everything else. I look back and don't know how I put one foot in front of the other for about six months, but I'm living proof that God doesn't give you more than you can handle.
My son could be described much like your daughter--so much going for him, but he made some bad choices and got in too deep to get out by himself. The Juvenile Justice System didn't make things any easier. The one thing that helped was when my husband told me to fast forward in my mind ten years in the future and tell him how I saw our son. I have always known he would be successful, and so I described that picture. Then he pointed out that it wouldn't take ten years for him to achieve that and we needed to keep our eyes on the final outcome and not let all the crap we were going through sink us all into a deep depression.
Things came to a peak three years ago and today he is a wonderful 19 year old, holding down a great job, happy with life and forever telling us how much he loves us--both in words and actions. It wasn't easy at the time, but I know there is a reason we all went through that hell. I don't know the reason yet, but trust that I will some day. Here's a hug for you, Sharon. Keep us posted.
Well, Sharon, I'm sure sorry that's going on in your family.
Have you had your daughter checked out by a medical doctor, instead of a shrink? I ask because she sounds like she has a mental disorder or something similar that could be regulated with medication. I'm not a person who believes in these "Ritalin kids" but I had a manic-depressive roommate once and she was just like you describe your daughter. Occasionally she wouldn't get her medication on schedule and it was really something, the personality change. Unbelievable. This started in her teen years, too.
I'm also not a person who believes that everything is the parents' fault. My aunt was the best parent in the world (she half-raised me) and her son has been in and out of jail since he turned 16. So don't beat yourself up over things that are beyond your control. But do contact a neurologist, if you haven't already.
Keep us posted - I'll be thinking about you.
Have you had your daughter checked out by a medical doctor, instead of a shrink? I ask because she sounds like she has a mental disorder or something similar that could be regulated with medication. I'm not a person who believes in these "Ritalin kids" but I had a manic-depressive roommate once and she was just like you describe your daughter. Occasionally she wouldn't get her medication on schedule and it was really something, the personality change. Unbelievable. This started in her teen years, too.
I'm also not a person who believes that everything is the parents' fault. My aunt was the best parent in the world (she half-raised me) and her son has been in and out of jail since he turned 16. So don't beat yourself up over things that are beyond your control. But do contact a neurologist, if you haven't already.
Keep us posted - I'll be thinking about you.
Sharon,
My heart goes out to you and your family. If its any consolation, I was one of those disruptive teens and I turned out okay, and I didn't have the parental units standing behind me as close as your are, but I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and did it myself.
I also ditto what Vrai mentioned about the manic-depression, my Aunt also has is and it started in her teens. It may be something to consider....
Good luck to you and yours......
My heart goes out to you and your family. If its any consolation, I was one of those disruptive teens and I turned out okay, and I didn't have the parental units standing behind me as close as your are, but I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and did it myself.
I also ditto what Vrai mentioned about the manic-depression, my Aunt also has is and it started in her teens. It may be something to consider....
Good luck to you and yours......
You know, even after you tell someone that you love them not just because you gave birth to them, you can't respect someone if they can't respect you. If she has a mental imbalance, that should be checked out, if not, then you have to let her make up her own mind if she wants a caring mother or not. She sounds lucky to have parents like you, but she just can't see it, no matter what you do. Sometimes you just gotta do what will save everyone else.
Sharon,
You, and your child, are in my prayers too, I know the pain you are feeling as I too have had issues with one of my offspring that required their incarceration. While my situation is not exactly like yours (my child was caught stealing) there are times when you must let them pay for their actions. Be comforted in the fact that you are doing the right thing. While a parent, for the most part, has unconditional love for their children, they shouldn’t be subjected to physical abuse from that child. Go to court, tell the truth, and let the chips fall where they may. It may make your relationship more strained for awhile, but in the long run it will make your child a better person once they realize that you won’t tolerate that type behavior from them. Tough love, you bet, but it is enduring love and your desire to help them get their life in order. I applaud your stand and I hope it works out for you.
You, and your child, are in my prayers too, I know the pain you are feeling as I too have had issues with one of my offspring that required their incarceration. While my situation is not exactly like yours (my child was caught stealing) there are times when you must let them pay for their actions. Be comforted in the fact that you are doing the right thing. While a parent, for the most part, has unconditional love for their children, they shouldn’t be subjected to physical abuse from that child. Go to court, tell the truth, and let the chips fall where they may. It may make your relationship more strained for awhile, but in the long run it will make your child a better person once they realize that you won’t tolerate that type behavior from them. Tough love, you bet, but it is enduring love and your desire to help them get their life in order. I applaud your stand and I hope it works out for you.
AnonymousPenguin
Lead Penguin
Sharon,
Hang in there. Sorry to hear that you have to undergo this situation. It seems like your daughter has been traveling on a self-destructive path.
I hope things make a turn for the best soon.
I hope this isn't the case with your daughter, but you may want to address that question with her.
It's good that you are being a good mother. Regardless of what's going on within her, I'm sure she knows that she can depend on you to be there for her. Not all children have that type of support.
Keep doing your best...
Hang in there. Sorry to hear that you have to undergo this situation. It seems like your daughter has been traveling on a self-destructive path.
I hope things make a turn for the best soon.
This may sound off the wall, but have you ever asked your daughter if she has been raped or molested... I have heard of and come across some young women who have a past of rape and/or molestation and they act out similar to your daughter. I guess they have a difficult time dealing with what happenend to them and hate it so much - to a point where they almost start hating and destroying themselves.
I hope this isn't the case with your daughter, but you may want to address that question with her.
It's good that you are being a good mother. Regardless of what's going on within her, I'm sure she knows that she can depend on you to be there for her. Not all children have that type of support.
Keep doing your best...
AnonymousPenguin
Lead Penguin
Sharon,
I'm no psychiatrist or counselor but...
Memories such as the ones you mentioned don't usually come out of nowhere and disappear... it's highly highly likely that these memories <b>are</b> memories... situations from the past.... that are extremely traumatizing and difficult to deal with... too traumatizing to remember... the type of memories that one WANTS to forget.
In my opinion, forgetting the memories can be harmful. Althought she may convince herself and think that it didn't happen... they are inside of her and they are tearing her apart.
If I were you, I would talk to her about it... it may be very difficult for her to remember and relive the memories...but sometimes you have to break down to build up. Talking about it with you (or someone else that she is comfortable with) can be a way for her to release those memories and set them free. Talking about a difficult situation can be very therapeutic. It will bring her to a point where she ACCEPTS and DEALS with what happened. Keeping it to herself and trying to forget about it...means it's bottled up within her.
Good luck...
I know this is very personal.
If you want to continue to discuss your situation and don't feel comfortable doing it on here...you can give me your email and I'll email you.
I'm no psychiatrist or counselor but...
Memories such as the ones you mentioned don't usually come out of nowhere and disappear... it's highly highly likely that these memories <b>are</b> memories... situations from the past.... that are extremely traumatizing and difficult to deal with... too traumatizing to remember... the type of memories that one WANTS to forget.
In my opinion, forgetting the memories can be harmful. Althought she may convince herself and think that it didn't happen... they are inside of her and they are tearing her apart.
If I were you, I would talk to her about it... it may be very difficult for her to remember and relive the memories...but sometimes you have to break down to build up. Talking about it with you (or someone else that she is comfortable with) can be a way for her to release those memories and set them free. Talking about a difficult situation can be very therapeutic. It will bring her to a point where she ACCEPTS and DEALS with what happened. Keeping it to herself and trying to forget about it...means it's bottled up within her.
Good luck...
I know this is very personal.
If you want to continue to discuss your situation and don't feel comfortable doing it on here...you can give me your email and I'll email you.
Ok, I put my email addy in the profile. When I did that I somehow messed up my old password, which wouldn't let me edit and wouldn't let me back into my profile. Then I had a problem with the email not loading fully so I couldn't get in to get my new password. I think it's all fixed now except I want to go back to my old password, so...I'm gonna try it one more time.