Off of vrai's-HELP my 3 year isn't listening!

missi1013

Catch Me If You Can!
My 3 year old son, will be 4 in Nov. will not listen to me, unless I scream at the top of my lungs or I spank him! I'm sick of doing both!! I have tried to sit him down and talk, I even went out and bought books and nothing is working. Any sugg!!!!

My 2nd son will be 2 in july, and he is the same way!!!


HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

seasquirt

Vermicious Knid
Have you considered the possibility of a learning disorder? I'm not a big fan of most psychobabble, but I think that something like an auditory processing problem could be a possibility.

Unless, of course, they're just ignoring you on purpose because they know it riles you up.
 

missi1013

Catch Me If You Can!
I really do think he has a touch of autizim(?)not sure how to spell it! Sorry! Everything has to be in place or he has a cow. Some rules he will take to heart to much and some he doesn't do at all. He was supposed to be sleeping on my bed, and I'm in the computer room(that's off of my bathroom). I went to check on him, and he has loation all over my stand up mirror and my bed. Now that's not the first time he has done that, it's like every day!!! He does stuff that he know's he's not supposed to do. At first I thought it was attention, but he goes everywhere with me. To do shopping, to the gym everyday. He is a momma's boy. As a matter of fact I spend to much time with him and not enough with my other son, who is a daddy's boy. Go figure!

When I do talk to him, I try to figure out why he did it and what he is feeling. That's what this one book said that came highly recommended. I tell him that I still love him, even though he did something bad. It doesn't work, he does it the next day! I get sooo mad at him sometimes!!!
 

RoseRed

American Beauty
PREMO Member
Your comment about not having everything in place sounds like obsessive-compulsive behavior. Might be something to check out. But then it may be nothing. Kids at this age are creatures of habit and need a somewhat regimented schedule. So it may just be him testing his boundries ~ although it drives you nuts!

My daughter will be 3 next month and has done the lotion thing too. If she is to quiet for a period of time, I call to her and ask her what she's doing and I get the standard "nothing...." answer, I know its time to go check on her, because she is into something.
 

missi1013

Catch Me If You Can!
I did put the loation up! I house is baby proof but not matthew proof! He gets in everything. He is very smart. He can figure anything out. Those looks on the cabnets, forget it!!! And the naps, he has too or he is a total ass!!! He'll cry and really not listen. He's tried, because he doesn't sleep very good at night! That's another issue! It's sad! He can find something to do wrong with a belt! It's almost like, he likes doing bad things! I will sit him down with crayons and paper, but next thing I no, he's coloring on the walls. And he know's not to do that! People say that he's a typical 3 year old, but man I'm pulling my hair out!!

Matthew likes to go in the car, my other son(mikey) doesn't. So when I take him places it a treat for him!! He loves shopping and going to the gym to play with the other kids. My husbend says I spoil him too much and that's the reason he's acting like this. So I don't do the things and it gets even worse. I'm damned if I do, and I'm damned if I don't!!!

He could be bored, but I joined the MOMS club and were always going places and doing things now!

I don't know! It's hard to explain. I just know that my husbend and I are going crazy!!
 

Christy

b*tch rocket
missi, welcome to the wonderful world of boys! :D I don't think your boys are any different than any other normal boy. They are into anything and everything. It's in their nature. I wouldn't get to worked up about your oldest having a learning disorder just yet.
 

missi1013

Catch Me If You Can!
I don't think he has a learning dis order, because he's advanced for his age! He know his colors, even the old colors. His shapes even like hexagon and stuff. His numbers to 20 and his ABC'S. He know's how to spell certin small words like cat or dog. But he's anal about stuff! I was tying to teach him how to hold his pen right, because he wants to learn how to write, and he had a crap fit!!! He wants to learn how to read, but he won't listen! It's werid!
 

missi1013

Catch Me If You Can!
Ohhh guys, after the loation thing, I put him in his room to sleep. I just went to check on him and he was half asleep and looked up at me and said "I'm sorry mommy" I said " I no baby, I love you, I always will even when your bad" He told me that he loved me too and he wanted me to snuggle with him. How can you love a person sooo much, but get soo mad at him?:bawl: :bawl:
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
How can you love a person sooo much, but get soo mad at him?
Because they're frustrating, that's why. Your son sounds pretty normal to me - 3 year olds I can do, it's the teens that I have limited experience with.
:lol:
He sounds like a normal, curious, active kid. He gets into things because he's curious and it seems like a good idea at the time. At that age, they don't understand the concept of consequences so he's not really thinking how Mommy's going to spank him, just how much fun it would be to squirt lotion all over. Yes, it makes you crazy but it's just one of those things. You have to keep an eye on them constantly and it's draining.

Now that I think about it, kids don't really change until they hit adulthood - mine were hardheads ("I can do it MYSELF!") as toddlers and they're still that way as teens.
 

Sharon

* * * * * * * * *
Staff member
PREMO Member
Hang in there!

I remember those days. I have twins, so if you think one child can get into trouble, two can do things that one couldn't get into by himself. They really didn't do bad stuff, they were just mischievous, curious, and fast. Whenever they got into "no-no's" they'd look at me with a devilish smile and a set of matching dimples. I would go into their room at night after they were asleep and just look at them...all quiet and peaceful, snuggled into their beds.

There are times when they weren't so peaceful during the day and it was always one of two things--tired or hungry. That was the fussiest time, so sticking to a schedule was necessary but not always possible.

It may be troublesome, the things your son gets into, but I don't he is being bad. He sounds pretty smart for his age, maybe he is bored. Yelling won't do any good and neither will pulling your hair out. Find something he likes and keep him busy, but in 15 minutes he'll want to do something else so have something ready. Some kids can entertain themselves for a short time and others need you to be right there with them.

My neighbors two little ones come over all the time when I'm out watering my flowers. They can talk an ear off and I don't mind one bit. My neighbor thinks they are bothering me but I tell him/her it's fine 'cause I don't see them all day. Maybe you need a break. Luckily they don't stay three forever.
 

missi1013

Catch Me If You Can!
Thank-you all of you for your help! He's going to school in Aug. so maybe things will change! I hope! Thanks again!
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
I think Sharon's right - you need a break. The only thing that kept me from Yatesing my son when he was little was my downstairs neighbor. She'd take him for about an hour every other day or so to play and I'd use that time to goof off - no housework or cooking. Bless that woman's heart!
 

Sierra39

Hairball Magnet
Vrai – did you come up with "Yatesing" or did you hear it somewhere?? If I had a nickel for every time I wanted to "Yates" my daughter, I'd be rich, baby!! :D

Missi – maybe he's ADHD or obsessive/compulsive...or maybe he's just incredibly active! Pull up this site (http://www.psychologynet.org/dsm.html) on the web and you will find more info on Attention Deficit, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, and Autism. If it sounds like he's got some clinically significant behaviors happening, it's worth having it diagnosed and treated early! (My daughter has been on meds since grade 2...and they can make a HUGE difference!)

Also enlist as much help as possible until he's in school – you need frequent breaks just to "re-energize!" Do you have a friend or neighbor who you can share little child care breaks with? Is there a teenager you can call to come over and play with him for an hour or two while you relax? How about a mom or relative?

My daughter was the same at that age, and it is mentally and physically EXHAUSTING! She gave up naps at 23 months! It was AWFUL because if she took a nap, she wouldn't go to bed until 10...if she didn't take a nap, she'd go to bed at 8:30, but was a total grouchy BEAR the last few hours of her day...

Some of the things my daughter LOVED at age 3: play-doh, "making stuff" (keep a box of scraps of colored paper, yarn, fabric, cardboard boxes, yogurt containers, etc. handy!), legos, big cardboard boxes you can fit in, costumes, puppets, and playing with water (let him sit outside in old clothes and play with water in pots, measuring cups, and with old paint brushes he can "paint" the deck or outside walls with water!), sidewalk chalk is GREAT! so are bathtub body paints and crayons!

Good luck! May the "force" be with you!
 

sgtsprout

Mr. Shud da hell up
Wheres the dad in all of this?

So does the dad yell at the kid too? Are there family problems at home. My g/f's 3 year old GIRL mind you is a nut too lol, but she don't ant to listen to her, BUT I GUARENTEE they will listen to me.

My guess is your going about it wrong maybe. Try a different apporach. Someone told me u can't sit a kid down for more then 5 minsutes. Bullshit. The kid writes all over the walls for instance the 2nd time, I will beat their ASS. yell and ensure they are in bed for a while. I'll tell ya what I noticed. Her kids listen to me much better.

Call it out of fear or what...but they are listening.

But...kids behaviors also reflect the parents. the g/fs' father is an ass, and they reflect on that situation. So take it as you can.

Jaime
 

missi1013

Catch Me If You Can!
Sierra,
Thank you for the web site. I will check it out! The things you listed, are what he loves to play with! He does like play dough, and going out side. I try to take him out as much as I can, but it has to be when my youngest is sleeping. If I take both of them out at the same time, they go in different directions! My youngest takes off down the street, and I have to chase him, that leaves the oldest by him self. And because of past reason's, I can't leave him by him self. It's hard with two! I thought it would be easy! HAHA!! Any way! Thanks!

sgtsprout,
Daddy is a farmer, and is out all day untill sunset. He hates to yell at him as soon as he walks through the door, but he will sometimes. Useally he can't because my youngest is all over him. But in his defence, he is a very good, loving father! Thanks!
 

Lilly

The Original Lilly
Missi -
Have you met my 3 year old? Cuz you have described him to a T!
I know what you are going through and I agree with the others that you need a break! A few months ago I thought I was going to go nuts in a totally serious way - when I got assigned to represent my department at work at a conference on the other side of the country. I was gone for 6 days and by the time I came back a lot had changed.
Not only did I miss my kids and husband terribly but they missed me. My two boys both agreed to help out more and the husband too! Suddenly they all realized just how much they needed me!
 

James D

Member
2 things,

1. Let Dad take him for awhile to work on the farm, kids like that sort of thing.

and

2. Don't call him BABY, he is not a baby, he is 3. Let him know that he is to behave as a 3 year old.
 

RoseRed

American Beauty
PREMO Member
My daughter likes all that stuff too, and bubbles, she could play with them for hours! She also likes to ride her tricycle and help Daddy water the garden and she has her own rake so when he is outside working the garden, she can "help". She also sits down and helps wrech on his Harley's...grease and all.
 
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