From the newletter "Page 9", an alternative look at the news:
The lamestream media told you:
"NATO and Afghan forces encountered fierce resistance from Taliban rebels Sunday in a new offensive in southern Afghanistan, where four Canadian soldiers were killed... NATO spokesman Mark Laity said that as many as 200 Taliban fighters were killed, with 80 others captured," according to an unbylined story from The New York Times. The body counts could not be confirmed.
The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Even a green recruit knows that if you can kill 200 enemy combatants, and capture 80 more, at a cost of only four of your own soldiers, you are not meeting "fierce resistance." The Times should be ashamed of and repent for its editorial and misleading characterization by its unidentified writer.
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The lamestream media told you:
Toddlers who are overweight have a significantly higher chance of being obese at age 12, the Associated Press reports. The old notion that childhood chubbiness burns off with age is no longer true. Americans in general are suffering from obesity, with the southern states the fattest part of the nation, and certain Native American tribal groups close behind.
The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
It wasn't very long ago that malnutrition was the focal point of food news, with massive government programs to feed the poor and disadvantaged masses appearing almost daily. Endless public funds were poured into grocery programs to prevent starvation in the south, Appalachia, inner cities, classrooms, and impoverished rural areas. The reason for the sudden shift, though dramatic, is unknown, but expected to continue.
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The lamestream media told you:
Al Gore's newest book, An Inconvenient Truth, finally makes it clear with text and pictures, that the Earth is warming, environmental devastation is rapidly advancing, and we're all doomed if we don't radically change everything we're doing.
The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Al Gore's newest book misses and inconvenient truth, steadfastly omitted from lamestream news reports on environmental "destruction."
It's not that we're cutting down so many trees, it's that so many people need the trees cut down, for space, and for wood.
It's not that we're burning so much fuel to generate electricity, it's that so many people need electricity so they can see, and for heating and pumping water.
In other words, as the Uninvited Ombudsman has previously noted, the root problem is sex. As long as people keep having sex and popping out babies, the need for space, wood, fuel, power and soy burgers will continue increasing.
No one has seriously proposed any solution to the sex problem, though some cities have moved to ban lap dances which, paradoxically, do alleviate the baby problem a little.
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The lamestream media told you:
"Europe's first spacecraft to the moon smashed into a volcanic plain Saturday, signaling in a bright flash the end of a successful mission to test a new propulsion system and navigation techniques for flights to other planets," reports David McHugh for the Associated Press.
The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Despite wanton destruction of natural features on the moon's surface, and the widespread deposit of unsightly and potentially dangerous high-tech debris across a large area of pristine wilderness, no environmental or ecological groups have lodged complaints against the European perpetrators of the deliberate crash.
Scientists scoffed at the idea that they might not be free to do whatever they please on the surfaces of distant worlds. No laws were apparently violated on the remote terrain, and no call for protective statutes have been made. No species were known to have died in the crash, which was luridly watched from Earth.
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The lamestream media told you:
Warren Jeffs, the fugitive leader of a religious sect that advocates and practices polygamy, was found and arrested in Nevada due to a hard-to-read license plate cover. He had $50,000 in cash and a number of wigs with him, in a new Cadillac Escalade, when taken into custody.
The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:
Jeffs is charged with forcibly arranging marriages between underage girls and grown men, acts that are hard to reconcile by any reckoning.
Polygamy however, which may have some religious basis for denial (or acceptance), is difficult to logically outlaw in a free society, especially one in which government is specifically banned from making laws respecting an establishment of religion, such as the United States.
If a woman wants several husbands and they willingly agree to her terms, no one has the moral or valid legal status to deny them their free choice, in the privacy of their own home, one anonymous expert says. The Constitution is silent on the subject, except for saying all rights not addressed belong to the states and the people (9th and 10th Amendments).
Marriage has become a hot political issue, because tax money is handed out to people based on their marital status. The correct term however is "holy matrimony," reflecting the purely religious roots of this popular form of entertainment.
Unmentioned in "news" reports, the contentious one-man one-woman marriage proposals up for vote in many states and Congress, if rejected, would open the doors not only to so-called gay marriage, but to polygamy and more. If marriage is no longer limited to the traditional societal benefit of biologically raising families, what legal construct can limit a person's freedom to "marry" any creature (including men), or creatures in any combination.
Most married people quickly learn there is nothing gay about marriage. Some activists now say we should let gays marry, so they can suffer too. The Uninvited Ombudsman points out that he didn't know what true happiness was until he was married. And then it was too late.