Step-Parenting

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charlesctygal

New Member
I have been with a man for 4 years now and we just got married. He has a child from a previous marriage, age 4.5. I know children at this age can have their tempers and such and not want to listen. But I have no idea of how to go about step-parenting this child. The father, my husband, wants to give this child everything the kid asks for, including if the child will not go to bed, he lets the child stay up until whenever, and then sleep on the couch, all the time. If it is just me and the child alone, the child listens to me and does what I ask, but when dad gets home from work, its totalyl different, child does not want to listen to me, probably because it knows it can get away with anything when the dad is around. Dad thinks that because he does not see child all the time, its okay to spoil the child. I see nothing wrong with spoiling, but this is beyond. Child never wants to eat dinner, only wants soda or chocolate milk, never will drink white milk or water. Mother of child is living with her boyfriend and child says they on couch at mom's house (probably why child wants to sleep on couch at our house all the time). Mother takes child to McDonalds and if child yells, gives child what they want. I just find it hard to deal sometimes, I cannot discipline this child, as they are not my own, and father does not want me to at all be disciplinatory with this child. Causes lots of arguments between us. I am not strict, but I do like a set routine for a 4.5 year old.
 
vraiblonde

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
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Although it's too late, you should have thought about this prior to marrying this guy.

As it stands, you're out of luck and can either live with it and keep your mouth shut, or bail.
 
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charlesctygal

New Member
Also, the kid is starting to become very mean to me for the past three or four months. Like never ever wanting to listen to me, and will come over and hit me. If I even slightly get after the child, dad does not like that. Its really becoming a sad thing. The child is split between two homes on an equal basis, and it has been like that since right after child was born, so it is nothing new to child. But child refuses to listen to me, if I ask to clean room, child replies and says its my job. Child never ever wants to sleep in their own bed, and if they do on occassion, either myself or dad has to sleep on floor or child with throw a fit. I told dad yesterday we need to start just letting the hcild cry and the child has to learn that they need to start sleeping on their own. Dad doesnt' want to do this. Was I too harsh by suggesting letting child cry, I mean, how else do they learn? I dont want to do everything child asks for.
 
Chasey_Lane

Chasey_Lane

Salt Life
vraiblonde said:
Although it's too late, you should have thought about this prior to marrying this guy.

As it stands, you're out of luck and can either live with it and keep your mouth shut, or bail.
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And just maybe if she's lucky she can have the ex-wife hack into her email accounts, too! :lmao:
 
vraiblonde

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
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charlesctygal said:
Also, the kid is starting to become very mean to me for the past three or four months.
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You're going to be divorced from this guy sooner or later, anyway. So my advice is to make it sooner, before you end up having children of your own with him.
 
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charlesctygal

New Member
I basically was just asking for some advice, no harsh criticism. I know I got myself in a bad situation, and yes, things have gotten a lot worse. I was just wondering if any of you are step parents, and if you have a step child who misbehaves all the times, so helpful hints?
 
B

Bronwyn

Guest
charlesctygal said:
I basically was just asking for some advice, no harsh criticism. I know I got myself in a bad situation, and yes, things have gotten a lot worse. I was just wondering if any of you are step parents, and if you have a step child who misbehaves all the times, so helpful hints?
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if you cannot punish this child in anyway, it will go from bad to worse. Heck, my husband can punish my son. If your husband is objecting to physical punishment, there are always laternitives, such as time out, grounding, corner etc.... The point is, if you are to help him raise this child, you need some authority.
 
vraiblonde

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
charlesctygal said:
I was just wondering if any of you are step parents, and if you have a step child who misbehaves all the times, so helpful hints?
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You could try slapping the kid's ass. Then, when Dad comes and jumps you for it, you can slap his ass, too.

That's the only tip I can give you, other than to run for the nearest exit.
 
cattitude

cattitude

My Sweetest Boy
charlesctygal said:
I basically was just asking for some advice, no harsh criticism. I know I got myself in a bad situation, and yes, things have gotten a lot worse. I was just wondering if any of you are step parents, and if you have a step child who misbehaves all the times, so helpful hints?
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No harsh criticism...just the cold, hard truth from those of us who've raised stepchildren. Fortunately for me, my situation worked out fine.

There are no helpful hints because your husband sounds like an ass and the two of you are only not on the same page, you're not even in the same book.
 
Cowgirl

Cowgirl

Well-Known Member
charlesctygal said:
I basically was just asking for some advice, no harsh criticism. I know I got myself in a bad situation, and yes, things have gotten a lot worse. I was just wondering if any of you are step parents, and if you have a step child who misbehaves all the times, so helpful hints?
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I am living with my BF and his 2 children. I would not have dated BF if he wasn't a good father. There's no way in hell I'd put up with him if he didn't set boundaries for his children. Technically the kids aren't mine, but they may as well be. BF has told them they have to listen to me just like they listen to him, their mother, and her BF.

If your husband isn't willing to work on things for the sake of the relationship, then it's pretty pointless to stay with him. Did you think things would change when you married him? I'd have a long talk with him, and ask him to see a counselor with you. That's the only way you guys have a chance. :shrug:
 
vraiblonde

vraiblonde

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cattitude said:
There are no helpful hints because your husband sounds like an ass and the two of you are only not on the same page, you're not even in the same book.
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Not to mention the Mom is the same way, so step-monster is the odd-man out.
 
Elle

Elle

Happy Camper!
charlesctygal said:
I basically was just asking for some advice, no harsh criticism. I know I got myself in a bad situation, and yes, things have gotten a lot worse. I was just wondering if any of you are step parents, and if you have a step child who misbehaves all the times, so helpful hints?
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If you and your new hubby can't agree on raising his child what's going to happen when you have children together. If you don't want to live your lives the the same then why are you together. It sounds to me like he isn't much of a father so what kind of person does that make him in other areas.
 
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