Issued by the Nebraska Tourism Bureau to all visiting tourists. (Sent to me by my sister-out-law...and if you make fun of me for being friendly with my out-laws, I'll kick your ass 
)
1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Al's Oasis in North Omaha. Its a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you upset the ladies in the kitchen they will kick your ass.
2) Don't laugh at the names of our little towns (Bee, Elkhorn, Plattsmouth, Worms), or we will just have to kick your ass. Yes, we have a Hooker County, but no there are no hookers there. At least as far as we know.
3) Don't order a can or bottle of soda here. Here it is called pop. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking.
4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you. We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of farmers or we will kick your ass.
5) We have plenty of business sense. You have to make a living here. Naturally we have small lapses in judgment from time to time, but we are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state to run for the senate. If someone tried to do that we would kick her ass.
6) Don't laugh at our giant scarecrows or our Indian made out of plastic. Anything that inspires tourists to buy 50,000 post cards can't be bad.
7) We are fully aware of how cold it gets here in the winter, so shut the hell up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here or we will kick your ass.
8) Don't order the vegetarian special at the local diner. Everyone will instantly know you are a tourist. A vegetarian dish here is a steak cut from a corn-fed cow. Eat your steak rare like God intended and have some potatoes too for heavens sake. Also don't ask what a hot dish is or we will kick your ass.
9) Don't try to fake a Nebraska accent. We don't have an accent. Most big-name broadcasters are from the plains states. Do not mention the movie "Fargo" because that wasn't us and you will get your ass kicked.
10) Don't talk to us about how much better things are at home because we know better. Many of us have visited big city hell-holes like Detroit, New York, and Chicago and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, I-80 is ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it gets kicked.
)1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Al's Oasis in North Omaha. Its a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you upset the ladies in the kitchen they will kick your ass.
2) Don't laugh at the names of our little towns (Bee, Elkhorn, Plattsmouth, Worms), or we will just have to kick your ass. Yes, we have a Hooker County, but no there are no hookers there. At least as far as we know.
3) Don't order a can or bottle of soda here. Here it is called pop. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking.
4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you. We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of farmers or we will kick your ass.
5) We have plenty of business sense. You have to make a living here. Naturally we have small lapses in judgment from time to time, but we are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state to run for the senate. If someone tried to do that we would kick her ass.
6) Don't laugh at our giant scarecrows or our Indian made out of plastic. Anything that inspires tourists to buy 50,000 post cards can't be bad.
7) We are fully aware of how cold it gets here in the winter, so shut the hell up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here or we will kick your ass.
8) Don't order the vegetarian special at the local diner. Everyone will instantly know you are a tourist. A vegetarian dish here is a steak cut from a corn-fed cow. Eat your steak rare like God intended and have some potatoes too for heavens sake. Also don't ask what a hot dish is or we will kick your ass.
9) Don't try to fake a Nebraska accent. We don't have an accent. Most big-name broadcasters are from the plains states. Do not mention the movie "Fargo" because that wasn't us and you will get your ass kicked.
10) Don't talk to us about how much better things are at home because we know better. Many of us have visited big city hell-holes like Detroit, New York, and Chicago and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, I-80 is ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it gets kicked.
