College for the kid

My daughter is a high school sophomore and we're starting to think about college for her.  Our main goal is for her to broaden her horizons - she will definitely live on-campus; location isn't an issue - if she wants to go to FSU, that's A-OK.  Money is somewhat of an issue but not the be-all end-all.

Curious what you all's experiences were/are.  We don't expect her to declare a major until her sophomore year of college - should we push her to make a decision or let her feel her way a bit?  We'd like her to get an education, obviously, but what's more important to us is the social aspect of college.

Any suggestions?

(Edited by vraiblonde at 8:50 am on Feb. 27, 2002)

You are joking ,right?
This must have been posted by a student who wishes her parents talked like that. " more intrested in the social aspect"

Let her get a year or more under her belt before making a decision that will be hers to live with for the rest of her life.

Connie, I'm not kidding and I swear I am a 38 year old mother of 4.  The reason I feel that way is this:

It's very rare for a kid who graduates college to work in their major.  If they've studied law, medicine, etc...sure.  But how many psych majors do you know who are actually working in human behavior?  So we obviously want her to get an education (as I stated) but we want her to go to a school with lots going on - we expect her to pledge a sorority and go to the football games.

She's looking at Tulane right now - anyone familiar with it and want to share?  I've heard it's a big drug/booze school, which crosses it off the list.  Anyone know?

vrai, what school other than Bob Jones University isn't a big drug/booze school? No way around that really.  

I've not experienced the college life as a live in student (just attended many college parties).  So I'm definitely not a good one for advice on this one.  

How is your son liking the military by the way?

The boy is loving the military and having a love/hate relationship with intel :lol  One minute it's fascinating, the next it's tedious.  I said, "Welcome to the world."  Keep this incident in mind when yours get old enough and people say, "He/She's a young man/woman - you have to let them make their own decisions."  Mom knows best.  And I thank you for your support in the face of those people.

Yeah, I went to a lot of frat parties too - Kyle <i>definitely</i> isn't going to any of <i>those</i> schools!  Actually, if she chose UNL I wouldn't cry - good school, plenty of social life and not too bad with the chemicals.

My first dealings with my intel training was "what the F!"  I hadn't a clue of what I was going into.  My job title was "Radio Communications Analysis Specialist."  I reckoned I'd be on the radio or something!  I hadn't even a clue of what I was doing was intelligence really.  I went in the AF "open General" where you essentially pick your job when you go to basic training (which isn't really a wise thing to do, I just lucked out).  The choices I had was "Chappel assistant" or "Radio communications analysis Specialist".  I got zero information on where it was I was even going for my tech school, the just stuck me on a greyhound bus after basic and off I went!

Is your son out of training yet?  Does he know where he's going?  Last I heard was Korea.  I think he'll love it over there, unless of course he hates Korean food!

I don't even want to think about adult futures for my kids yet.  No matter what they choose, I know I'll be crying when they leave (not sure if it will be of joy or sorrow!)

Just curious why do you expect your daughter to join a sororiety?  Shouldn't something like that be her choice?  Most kids when they go to college they do just what they want to do and nothing their parents want them to do.  I went to quite a few sororiety and frat functions when at school and have to question any parent that actually wants their kid to do that type of thing,  you really wouldnt believe what all goes on in those houses.  

I recently got out of college and I know a ton of people that have jobs in their majors.  I guess if you pick a useless major you won't get a job in it.  I know several people with degrees in psyc that work with kids that have problems.  I also know alot of people that really had no aim in college and ended up a 23 year old making $7 an hour in a job that they didn't have to go to college for in the first place.  

I guess my advice is dont try to live your college dream through her and let her do her own thing.  

As far as paying for it, even if you have the money or scholarships get student loans.  The interest rate is low, it is tax deductable, and many jobs will partially pay off the loans for you after school.  Just use them responsibility.  

Oh yea an underclassman with a car is a bad thing, no place to park it, it will no doubt get scratched, puked on by a drunk, vandalized.  Many students discovering drinking for the first time (it will happen any parent that says not my kid is blind) will get DUI's or worse dead.  Don't mean to scare you, just giving you some recent experiences.  

Really all colleges are very similar, I went to several different places for gradschool and its all what you put into in no matter what the school.  

Geekboy, for Pete's sake!  I'm not just railroading the child into doing my bidding - this is what <i>she</i> wants.  She wants to join a sorority because her Aunties have regaled her with stories, so we expect that she will - the activity that goes on depends a great deal on the sorority she joins.  That's why we want a big campus so she'll have some options.  We also want her to be able to change her major easily and be able to transfer credits if need be.  (Don't want much, do we? )

More college people graduate than die - the odds are on my side

Thanks for the tip about the student loans - will definitely put that on the list.

So tell me where you went to school.  Give me input.  Did you already know what you wanted to be when you grew up or did you figure it out while in school?

(Edited by vraiblonde at 11:07 pm on Mar. 3, 2002)

Variblonde,  I wasn't trying to scare you or anything I just saw these things happen to people I know.  I knew one girl loose the use of her legs because she decided to take a ride with a drunk guy, knew one guy get killed by a drunk driver, and had a friend that had a good future put in jail for DUI, it can happen to anyone.  

Preparation for college can make it a much more enjoyable experience.  

Big campuses are great, but not for everyone small schools can also offer alot.  

I got my degrees from West Virginia University and Virginia Tech.  But I also spent some time doing graduate research with Ohio State University and worked for Michigan State  for 6 months.  All of these places had over 20,000 students Ohio State has over 50,000 I believe its the largest campus in the US or close to it.  

Picking a major isnt really a big deal, freshman classes are very general and just about everyone ends up changing their major at least once.  Usually you don't loose any credits unless the change is something huge like from Under Water Basket Weaving to Quantum Physics and still its usually only a class or two.  Most get to school and realize after getting their butts kicked in certian classes that a particular major isnt for them.

Believe it or not many many schools have less than a 50% graduation rate for incomming freshman.  

Things to make sure your daughter does in highschool is look for scholarships particularly if you have ethnic heretiage.  Another one is take and understand high school algebra well, every college usually requires students of any major to take college algebra and its usually the most failed class on campus.    

Teach her how to budget money before she goes or chances are she will get a big suprise in October when all of her money for the semester is already gone.  

Oh yea make sure she knows how to wash clothes, its always funny to watch freshman shrink clothes or turn their white underware pink in the wash.  

Oh yea this is a big thing that most high school students don't really get.  Dont worry about SAT scores, if you have to worry about them chances are you don't belong at the school that you are worrying over them for.  They don't mean a thing and will never be of any significance ever again.  I had a lot of friends worked up over them.  

Not sure if you can tell but one summer I worked for the school as a guide for freshman orientation so I was telling this sort of thing to 50 people a day for two months.   The amount of info intake at first is unreal.  

I worked for the school as a guide for freshman orientation so I was telling this sort of thing to 50 people a day for two months

Click to expand...

Well, hey now!  Glad to meet you, Geekboy!

Thanks for the information about choosing a major - it's what I suspected but glad to hear from someone who knows.

Freshman retention rate is something we're looking at.  If the kids are dropping like flies, it's a bad sign.

All your suggestions are making me more optimistic - she's adept at taking care of domestic issues (cooking, laundry, etc.), she's in advanced algebra right now and enjoys math in any form and she's a pretty good money manager.  Her room's a disaster, though, and she's a busybody with her sisters so she's not perfect

Tell me more about SATs - I was under the impression that you should work yourself up over them.  We're getting all this junk in the mail about tutoring to raise the score and how colleges won't even consider you if you don't have big scores.  Should I throw that crap away?  She did well on her PSAT and has no apprehension about the SAT (which she'll take next year).

I want her experience to be different than mine was.  I took a year off (mistake #1), registered for a part-time schedule at UNL so I could work, then found out I was pregnant (mistake #2), married the father (not such a mistake) and moved on with life.  That's why I'm so stupid about this stuff so now I'm overcompensating with my kids

sounds like she should visit some schools.  most schools offer overnight stays, where they'll house you with an undergrad who will (hopefully) show you what you want to see.
obviously if she's interested in a sorority, try to stay with a girl who's into that kind of thing- otherwise she'll spend the night in the library or something.
I went to one of these, and didn't end up going to that school, but I learned a LOT about college in a very short time.  Anyway, you get a lot of info that you aren't going to get from a tour guide.

Thank you!  That's a great idea!  Glad you don't really hate to participate

Freshman retention rate doesnt tell the whole story, it can mean things like the school has a high standard to get a degree (good), the school has a fairly open admission policy (good to a point), the type of incomming freshman is a lower quality than average(bad), the school weeds out the loosers faster (good), the classes are demanding (good to a point).  There are too many ways to get in trouble at the school.  

You mentioned Tulane possibly being a big drug/party school I really don't see that much difference in any large school (over 10,000).  Any where you get that many young adults with freedoms that they didnt have at home there will be a fair amount of drugs.  So unless its a Christian or Military school there really isn't going to be much of a difference.  Now campus safty is another issue.  There are some schools that I wouldnt go to myself, like Temple.  Im 6'4" 270 lbs and wouldn't walk arround that campus by myself thats how bad it is.  

Unless she has problems taking standardized tests dont worry about the SAT's.  It sounds like she will be fine, usually anyone that scores in the upper 75% will be just fine when applying to any school.  Are her grades good?  Unless she scores lower than a head of lettuce don't let her get an ulcer of it.  Its what you do while in college that matters.  Make sure she takes it as early as possible in her junior year of high school.  

I never took the SAT, I took the ACT which is basically the same thing.

Go on a family vacation and make a visit to some schools, you can tell alot just by walking arround on your own and all offer tours, but take those with a grain of salt they are ment to get your kid (and money) at that school.  

Oh yea that junk mail about raising your SAT scores is in the same league as the who's who amoung american high school students, straight to the trash can crap ment to get your money.  

Thanks for your input - Temple was on her list as well.

I really appreciate you taking the time to help me out!

Anytime, I like sharing my experiences and helping others.  

Temple is a good school but in the middle of one of the worst areas in Philly.  In general schools in big cities are a bad idea in my opinion, not only because all of the bad things associated with big cities but because there is so much going on arround the school the college experience is rather diluted where as a big school in a small town that exists because of the school everything going on in the town is college related and I feel you can get more out of it.  Small towns with big schools have things like homecomming parades, spirit week, town appreciation day etc that the entire town gets into and its really cool in my opinion.  But there are people that just can't live out of the big city and to each their own.  

I also wouldnt want to go to school in my home town, but not be more than a day drive from my loved ones.

Geek,

Great help! This is what we'd hoped for, first hand, honest opinion.

THANKS!

Another good experience in college is a part time job, ones with the school are usually the best to have.  

Its really hard to have a work reference before you actually get out of school.  You know the old catch 22,  I can't get a job without experience and I cant get experience without a job.  

I'm currently a college senior... I hope some hard learned lessons will help you too:

-It's a good idea to try to sample as many colleges as possible to find the right one.  I transferred in my junior year, and the social experience just isn't the same as my classmates who have attended for the full 4 years.  (Not to mention the nightmare of transfer credits.)
-See if you can get a couple meetings with some of the professors in whatever department your daughter may gravitate towards.  Good teachers REALLY can make the difference in the quality of a class.  (Good teachers aren't always determined by degrees, but the extra letters behind a reference's name can look impressive on future resumes.)
-My SATs didn't seem to matter very much.  I got above average on my verbal but performed horribly on my math.    
-Personally, I'd recommend a college near a mid-sized or large town.  At St. Mary's, since there's very little (near by) off campus to do, the choices come down to drink or study.  
-Active campus job placement or career development centers are good!
-Small colleges and big colleges can both be beneficial, but keep in mind my sister's experience at the very large Penn State Main:  waiting in line an average of half an hour to an hour to see a professor or advisor for a 15 minute meeting; mammoth classes taught in auditoriums by teaching assistants; and the larger the campus, the more she has to book it to the next class all the way across campus.
Good luck!