Parenting Issues/Ex hubbies

Hi all. Since I did get good advice last time I thought I would post on here and see if you all could help me now.

Last weekend the girls' father was supposed to come get them for a week before they start school.(I have them enrolled in Preschool) Well, I never told my kids what was going on in case he didn't show. Well, guess what. He blew them off wuithout even a phone call to say "hey I can't make it"

Jaime hasn't said much about it. He just let it go. This is a change from the usual bitching about Terry (not in front of the kids mind you). I think we have gotten past letting Terry come between us, or at least Jaime doesn't him bother us. I have told Terry time and time again where he belongs(not in nice words either) and Jaime knows he is the only man in my life.So that isn't a problem anymore.

But I would like to know what I can do about this. Is there anything I can do to him since he doesn't call, doesn't get them, etc.....? I had called a local lawyer and he has yet to call me back. I keep the little book that says when he gets, when he dont,how the kids are when they come back, etc.. Please tell me I don't have to just sit back and watch this happen. I don't want the kids to go through this all the time for the rest of their lives.

My Opinion

My oldest child (now 24) had a father who pretty much ignored him much of his life. As much as it hurts you, my advice is to go with the flow. Don't make negative comments about and don't make excuses for their dad. Kids are pretty smart and can figure things out. Don't give them too much of a heads up when Daddy is coming, that way they won't be disappointed when he doesn't. As they grow up, they WILL ask questions, be honest but don't allow them to see your anomosity. You can't make him see them and if he doesn't want to, that's his loss. Put him on the back burner (he does need to pay support) and concentrate on what is now, make your kids happy with what they have. This is what I did. I think my son grew up happy and did have a relationship with his father, although not really close, but he understood and accepted it as he got older. But he had a good family life with Otter and I and his step sister and half brother and that's the name of the game! Good luck.

I haven't told the girls when he's coming for awhile now. I won't tell them until he is actually on the road to get them. A little bit before he gets here I tell them. I wasn't even worried about him not getting them this time until Becca (4yrs) got up this morning and asked why he hadn't called and came get them yet. She is the one who voices her hurt about it. Rachel (3yrs) doesn't say much about it. She doesn't really "act out" either. Jaime and I take the kids and do things with them. We watch movies together and go to different places and such. We try to make them happy and do things with them all the time. The bad thing is, it leads to questions from Becca like, why doesn't take me anywhere. Or, why does Jaime do things with me and Daddy don't. I love that Jaime does things with them (don't get me wrong) I just wish their dad would take some lessons. I wish there was a way to show him what effect his sh*t has on Becca and eventually Rachel.

Excellent advice Catt.

Originally posted by romance
I wish there was a way to show him what effect his sh*t has on Becca and eventually Rachel.

Click to expand...

romance... sorry to say... but
unfortunately and obviously, he doesn't REALLY care. If he did, he would be a better part of his daughters' lives.

Also

They are only 4 and 3. Stop talking about their dad. If they ask, give them the best answer you can but don't dwell on it. They will forget him. It is not your duty to keep their father in their lives...if he was dead, that would be another issue. They are not going to hurt for long, I promise you that. I can't imagine they will keep asking about him. Just tell them he's working, etc. and is very busy and will visit when he can and move on. They won't be as affected as you think if you provide them with what I posted earlier.

We don't talk about him unless the girls bring up the subject. Then I will try and explain that "daddy" is working in NC and will come as soon as he can. It works sometimes. SOmetimes like yesterday it didn't. I don't know if I can agree with you or not though about it not affecting them. Becca went 9 months without seeing him or hearing from him. When we started the court hearings for our divorce and custody he finally seen them. It was everytime we went out and she seen a kid with their father that she asked about hers. Back then all I could say was "he's in NC baby" She would leave it at that but would cry alot when she thought nobody could see/hear her. She still does the same now. She goes to a quiet room or closet and cries. Sometimes during her prayers at night she asks God to make her daddy love her more.

Shoot me for changing the subject

Enquiring minds want to know - what was your birthday surprise?

Ok Ok

For my birthday Jaime managed to get me a cake and get my parents over. But the big surprise was an Action 2002 Kevin Harvick collectable car. I now have 8 cars, 3 hoods, and 4 cards (one of which is the rookie card my mom gave me).

It was funny how he did it all. He made sure he pissed me off knowing I'd go take a bath. Well when I went to take a bath he slipped out to the truck and got the cake and my car and put them on the table. I never thought anything about it after the shower and then when the kids and mom and dad got here, the girls started getting excited. I walked into the kitchen and there sat my cake and car. The whole time Jaime had a big smile on his face.

What a great surprise!