Bond forged in heartbreak.....

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"LYNDHURST, N.J. — Diane Fenton of Little Ferry, N.J., says she was one of the more fortunate among the mothers who have seen their soldier sons and daughters march off to war and return in a coffin.

She was able to hold her son’s hand and hug him before he died.

Marine Sgt. Matthew Fenton, a husky 24-year-old horribly wounded in Iraq, lay on life support at a Naval hospital in Bethesda, Md., in 2006 surrounded by loved ones. There would be no miracle recovery.

And so, after a weeklong vigil, they cried as Diane Fenton gave doctors permission to take him off life support.

“I would like to think that Matthew knew we were all there,” Fenton said.

But other than having had that chance to say goodbye, Fenton shares all the other aspects of heartache faced by mothers like herself.

So it’s been a great comfort to join the Gold Star Mothers, made up of women who have lost sons or daughters in Iraq and Afghanistan. “It’s been very helpful,” Fenton said.

The American Gold Star Mothers was founded in 1928 as a support group by a woman who lost her son in World War I.

In New Jersey alone, there are 100 members in Gold Star Mothers chapters, 90 percent of them mothers of soldiers killed in Iraq or Afghanistan.

What makes it different from other military-memorial organizations is that there are no rigid meeting schedules, no formal counseling sessions.

Mothers, most in their 40s to early 50s, get together informally, whenever one feels the need to reach out, especially on the anniversary of a child’s death.

And true to the Gold Star credo, it is not a weepy group — they just agree there will be sudden moments when they simply need one another’s support.

“When one is having a bad day, we’ll call each other,” said Shirley Parrello of West Milford, N.J., whose son, Marine Lance Cpl. Brian Parrello, 19, was killed in Al Anbar province in Iraq on Jan. 1, 2005.

“You are able to share things with them you can’t really share with anybody else, because they understand. I feel comfortable being with military people because they get it.” "

My great grandma Burke was a Gold Star mom, thankfully she and grampa Burke suffered the only loss out of the many men of that generation of my family who served.

My great uncle Edward was killed in action over the Pacific during 1942 when the patrol plane upon which he was the radio man was strafed by a Japanese fighter. In the 13 generations (including me) I can find who donned a uniform of one kind or another since Colonial days here in America, he was the only fatality in war.

Gram had the Gold Star banner displayed in the window of her living room until the day she died. We buried her with her Gold Star pin. My aunt Charlotte has the banner.

Uncle Edward died for the ideal of America, not the politics. He died defending his mother, sisters, brothers, family, friends...

May the Holy Powers grant some surcease of sorrow to any mother that loses their son or daughter in war.

My grandmother (father's mom) never joined the organization. Not sure why not..she never said and I never asked.