Handy Dictionary to decipher Personals Ads
WOMEN'S ADS
40-ish???????????? 49
Adventurer????????? Slept with all your friends
Athletic??????????? No tits
Average looking??????? Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful?????????? Pathological liar
Contagious Smile??????? Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated????????? Banged her Political Science professor
Emotionally Secure?????? Medicated
Feminist?????????? Fat ballbuster
Free spirit?????????? Junkie
Friendship first??????? Trying to live down reputation as a slut
Fun???????????? Annoying
Gentle??????????? Comatose
Good Listener???????? Borderline Autistic
New-Age?????????? All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned???????? Lights out,missionary position only, no BJs
Open-minded???????? Desperate
Outgoing?????????? Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate????????? Sloppy drunk
Poet???????????? Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional???????? Certified Bitch
Redhead?????????? Bad dye-job
Reubenesque???????? Grossly Fat
Romantic????????? Looks better by candle light
Social??????????? Has been passed around like an hors doeuvres tray
Voluptuous????????? Very Fat
Weight proportion w/height? Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate?????? Stalker
Widow?????????? Drove first husband to shoot himself
Young at heart??????? Old bat
MEN'S ADS
40-ish??????????? 60, acts 2 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic?????????? Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking??????? Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Educated?????????? Will patronize the sh*t
out of you
Free Spirit????????? Banging your sister
Friendship first??????? As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun???????????? Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking???????? Arrogant
Very good looking?????? Dumb as a board
Honest??????????? Pathological Liar
Huggable?????????? Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle???????? Insecure mama's boy
Mature??????????? Older than your father
Open-minded???????? Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not interested
Physically fit???????? Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Poet???????????? Wrote ex-girlfriend's # on a bathroom stall
Sensitive?????????? Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive???????? Gay
Spiritual?????????? Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable??????????? Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
Thoughtful????????? Says "Excuse me" when he farts
WOMEN'S ADS
40-ish???????????? 49
Adventurer????????? Slept with all your friends
Athletic??????????? No tits
Average looking??????? Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful?????????? Pathological liar
Contagious Smile??????? Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated????????? Banged her Political Science professor
Emotionally Secure?????? Medicated
Feminist?????????? Fat ballbuster
Free spirit?????????? Junkie
Friendship first??????? Trying to live down reputation as a slut
Fun???????????? Annoying
Gentle??????????? Comatose
Good Listener???????? Borderline Autistic
New-Age?????????? All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned???????? Lights out,missionary position only, no BJs
Open-minded???????? Desperate
Outgoing?????????? Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate????????? Sloppy drunk
Poet???????????? Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional???????? Certified Bitch
Redhead?????????? Bad dye-job
Reubenesque???????? Grossly Fat
Romantic????????? Looks better by candle light
Social??????????? Has been passed around like an hors doeuvres tray
Voluptuous????????? Very Fat
Weight proportion w/height? Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate?????? Stalker
Widow?????????? Drove first husband to shoot himself
Young at heart??????? Old bat
MEN'S ADS
40-ish??????????? 60, acts 2 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic?????????? Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking??????? Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Educated?????????? Will patronize the sh*t
out of you
Free Spirit????????? Banging your sister
Friendship first??????? As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun???????????? Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking???????? Arrogant
Very good looking?????? Dumb as a board
Honest??????????? Pathological Liar
Huggable?????????? Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle???????? Insecure mama's boy
Mature??????????? Older than your father
Open-minded???????? Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not interested
Physically fit???????? Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Poet???????????? Wrote ex-girlfriend's # on a bathroom stall
Sensitive?????????? Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive???????? Gay
Spiritual?????????? Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable??????????? Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
Thoughtful????????? Says "Excuse me" when he farts