by Cheri Lee Funk
Who wrote the fairy tale Cinderella? Was it a man or was it some woman's cruel idea of a joke? It is a beautiful Sunday morning and I have just gotten off the phone with my daughter. She is the mother of 4 beautiful children and will be thirty years old and she has been crying. Crying, not tears of happiness, not even tears of unhappiness, but tears of despair.
She has fallen into that big black pit and there are times I worry if she will ever get back out again. Hell, there are times I worry if she will meet me on one of my frequent trips to that big black whole of darkness!!
She is having problems, lots of problems but the main one is money. Now, I know the majority of us have experienced some difficulties with money ourselves but in the state she is in, she doesn't really care about what is going on with others. She just wants to know why her life can't just work out, why she can't just get someone to listen to her instead of say, "So, you want a divorce?" As I listen to her cry and hear her sobs, I wonder what is it I can say. What can I tell her that will help her today and every day from here on in.
I am struck with the idea, I can say nothing really. I am her Mother and I will always love her and be here for her but what she needs is those strong arms and gentle words to come from somewhere else....not from her mother.
The sad thing I have to tell her is I need those same things! My life is really no better off then hers...sure I don't really have problems with money, but I also don't have that support system that I craved, desired, longed for my whole life. How am I any better off than she is..... Who am I to give advice to her...
Well, that isn't going to work, she needs me to tell her something to give her some hope. So, I talked to her. And while I was at it, I also talked to myself.
I promised her she would never be alone again! Heck she had 4 children, loneliness was one luxury she wasn't going to have for a very long time!
I took her back through her childhood...back to the days when her father worked shift work and our family consisted of me, her and her sister. The three of us made a life for ourselves. We went to dinner together, we went to the movies together. We did everything together, just the three of us.
We laugh now about the times we even went cruising the shopping centers together....the three of us with the windows down and the radio blasting cruising to see what was happening at the local hangouts.
Then I remind her of the hard times. When I hurt my back and required surgery, it was her that picked up the slack around the house. She helped with cleaning and cooking and errands and grocery shopping. I had no one else to call upon to help me out.
So I did the only thing I knew how. I taught my children to become independent and to help out and to be strong. It got us through and without each other we never would have made it.
But, it seems that I may have done my children a real disservice. I didn't take the time to tell them that being strong and capable can get tiring at times. I didn't tell them there are times you wonder when your time is going to come, when are you going to be able to let go of the reins for just one minute and have someone else pick up the slack....
I had to tell her that she was never going to be able to sit down and just let things happen, that she was always going to have to be on top of everything to always be standing there waiting for someone to take advantage, to push her or to just make things difficult.
How can I tell my child she will have to live the rest of her life on guard not letting her guard down for one minute because if she does she will lose her footing and there will be no one there to help her back up to help her every day for the rest of her life.
Did we just pick the wrong men? Heck no, women are like that also! You know, we all have friends like that, the ones that are always telling you about how they would never put up with what you do. Giving you advice instead of getting off their butts and saying, "Bring the kids over for 2 hours, I will watch them while you go take a shower and get into some clean clothes."
No they are the traitors, the ones that just smile at you and say oh it will get better! While the whole time they are holding on to their own realities by the skin of their teeth.
I have to tell my child the only person in the whole wide world she will ever be able to count on for the rest of her life is....herself! And that is not what she wants to hear. She wants me to tell her a fairy tale. She wants me to hold her in my arms and to tell her life will get better and someone will come along and all her prayers will be answered and we will all live happily ever after.
Yeah, right...I am her mother, I have to tell her the truth....
Who wrote the fairy tale Cinderella? Was it a man or was it some woman's cruel idea of a joke? It is a beautiful Sunday morning and I have just gotten off the phone with my daughter. She is the mother of 4 beautiful children and will be thirty years old and she has been crying. Crying, not tears of happiness, not even tears of unhappiness, but tears of despair.
She has fallen into that big black pit and there are times I worry if she will ever get back out again. Hell, there are times I worry if she will meet me on one of my frequent trips to that big black whole of darkness!!
She is having problems, lots of problems but the main one is money. Now, I know the majority of us have experienced some difficulties with money ourselves but in the state she is in, she doesn't really care about what is going on with others. She just wants to know why her life can't just work out, why she can't just get someone to listen to her instead of say, "So, you want a divorce?" As I listen to her cry and hear her sobs, I wonder what is it I can say. What can I tell her that will help her today and every day from here on in.
I am struck with the idea, I can say nothing really. I am her Mother and I will always love her and be here for her but what she needs is those strong arms and gentle words to come from somewhere else....not from her mother.
The sad thing I have to tell her is I need those same things! My life is really no better off then hers...sure I don't really have problems with money, but I also don't have that support system that I craved, desired, longed for my whole life. How am I any better off than she is..... Who am I to give advice to her...
Well, that isn't going to work, she needs me to tell her something to give her some hope. So, I talked to her. And while I was at it, I also talked to myself.
I promised her she would never be alone again! Heck she had 4 children, loneliness was one luxury she wasn't going to have for a very long time!
I took her back through her childhood...back to the days when her father worked shift work and our family consisted of me, her and her sister. The three of us made a life for ourselves. We went to dinner together, we went to the movies together. We did everything together, just the three of us.
We laugh now about the times we even went cruising the shopping centers together....the three of us with the windows down and the radio blasting cruising to see what was happening at the local hangouts.
Then I remind her of the hard times. When I hurt my back and required surgery, it was her that picked up the slack around the house. She helped with cleaning and cooking and errands and grocery shopping. I had no one else to call upon to help me out.
So I did the only thing I knew how. I taught my children to become independent and to help out and to be strong. It got us through and without each other we never would have made it.
But, it seems that I may have done my children a real disservice. I didn't take the time to tell them that being strong and capable can get tiring at times. I didn't tell them there are times you wonder when your time is going to come, when are you going to be able to let go of the reins for just one minute and have someone else pick up the slack....
I had to tell her that she was never going to be able to sit down and just let things happen, that she was always going to have to be on top of everything to always be standing there waiting for someone to take advantage, to push her or to just make things difficult.
How can I tell my child she will have to live the rest of her life on guard not letting her guard down for one minute because if she does she will lose her footing and there will be no one there to help her back up to help her every day for the rest of her life.
Did we just pick the wrong men? Heck no, women are like that also! You know, we all have friends like that, the ones that are always telling you about how they would never put up with what you do. Giving you advice instead of getting off their butts and saying, "Bring the kids over for 2 hours, I will watch them while you go take a shower and get into some clean clothes."
No they are the traitors, the ones that just smile at you and say oh it will get better! While the whole time they are holding on to their own realities by the skin of their teeth.
I have to tell my child the only person in the whole wide world she will ever be able to count on for the rest of her life is....herself! And that is not what she wants to hear. She wants me to tell her a fairy tale. She wants me to hold her in my arms and to tell her life will get better and someone will come along and all her prayers will be answered and we will all live happily ever after.
Yeah, right...I am her mother, I have to tell her the truth....
Things get better with time.