A lot of the tri guys ride with PaxVelo if you are looking to ride: http://www.paxvelo.com Racing on Tues. night on NAS Pax and an aero ride from the Lex. Park Park and Ride. If you show up with hairy legs...the group will react by riding a couple of MPH faster! Hope to see you out there!
I agree...go with the brutally honest approach. I do this often and "usually" I gain even more respect from the person for being honest. I think in a lot of situations...people like the brutal, direct truth. Not all situations though--and I still haven't figured out where the line is.