RNC Committee Convention Schedule (humor)

D

Doc

New Member
REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE CONVENTION SCHEDULE New York, NY


6:00 PM Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Fallwell

6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance

6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)

6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing

6:46 PM Seminar #1 Getting your kid a military deferment

7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong

7:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries

7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury, it's what's for dinner.

8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next

8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh

8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos are after your children

8:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)

8:50 PM Seminar #2 Corporations: The government of the future

9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"

9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong

9:10 PM EPA Address #2 Trees: The real cause of forest fires

9:30 PM Break for secret meetings

10:00 PM Second prayer led by Cal Thomas

10:15 PM Lecture by Carl Rove: Doublespeak made easy

10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration of how to squint and talk macho

10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark "deer in headlights" stare.

10:40 PM John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory kevlar chastity belt

10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black republicans

10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong

10:50 PM Seminar #3 Education: a drain on our nation's economy.

11:10 PM Hilary Clinton Pinata

11:20 PM Second Lecture by John Ashcroft: Evolutionists: The dangerous new cult

11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again.

11:35 PM Blame Clinton

11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies

11:50 PM Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself

12: 00PM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord
 
D

Doc

New Member
IT'S HARD TO BE A REPUBLICAN IN 2004
Somehow, you have to believe that:
1. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of
homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

2. The United States should get out of the
United Nations, and our highest national priority is
enforcing U. N. resolutions against Iraq.

3. "Standing Tall for America" means firing your
workers and moving their jobs to India.

4. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about
her own body, but multi-national corporations can make
decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

5. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a
crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then
it's an illness and you need our prayers for your
recovery.

6. The best way to improve military morale is to
praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans'
benefits and combat pay.

7. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins
unless you someday run for governor of California as a
Republican.

8. If condoms are kept out of schools,
adolescents won't have sex.

9. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle
our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation
and money.

10. HMOs and insurance companies have the
interest of the public at heart.

11. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound
policy. Providing health care to all Americans is
socialism.

12. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer
are junk science, but creationism should be taught in
schools.

13. It is okay that the Bush family has done
$millions of business with the Bin Laden family.

14. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him,
a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good
guy when Cheney did businesswith him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we
can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

15. A president lying about an extramarital
affair is an impeachable offense. A president
lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands
die is solid defense policy.

16. Government should limit itself to the powers
named in the Constitution, which include banning gay
marriages and censoring the Internet.

17. The public has a right to know about
Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's Harken Oil
stock trade are none of our business.

18. You support states' rights, which means
Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what
local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.

19. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of
vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s
is irrelevant.

20. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country
is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is
vital to a spirit of international harmony.

AND 21. Affirmative Action is wrong but that
it is ok for your Daddy and his friends to get you
into Yale, the Texas Air National Guard, Harvard
Business School, part ownership of Harken Oil, part
ownership of the Texas Rangers, the Governorship of
Texas, and then have the Supreme Court appoint you
President of the USA.
 
vraiblonde

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
IT'S HARD TO BE A DEMOCRAT IN 2004

Somehow, you have to believe that:
1. Jesus loves you, and wants you to show it by aborting your unborn child.

2. The United States should let the United Nations rule our country. I mean, who could do it better than the Ghanans and the Libyans?

3. "Standing Tall for America" means rioting in the streets whenever you don't get your way.

4. A woman can be trusted with decisions about
her own body, and somehow we've decided that a woman's child IS her own body to suck the brains out of as she sees fit.

5. Being a drug addict is the preferred method of dealing with your problems, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then
we'll do everything in our power to have you executed.

6. The best way to improve military morale is to
call them "baby killers".

7. Group sex and drug use are what you should be doing. If you're not doing these things, you're a prude and out of touch with reality.

8. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex. And we want adolescents to have sex more than anything in the world. How else are we supposed to keep the welfare roles filled?

9. A good way to fight terrorism is to ignore it, because if we don't, they won't like us anymore.

10. HMOs and insurance companies are the saving grace of the health industry. I mean, look at Canada and how well it's working over there.

11. Providing health care to all Iraqis is stupid. We got rid of their leader - what more do they want?

12. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are real, no matter what the scientists say.

13. It's okay that Bill Clinton pardoned terrorists, campaign contributors and his own brother.

14. Saddam was a bad guy when Clinton lobbed a few missiles at him. Then he became a good guy when Bush did the same.

15. A president lying about an extramarital affair is to be expected. After all, EVERYONE lies about sex.

16. Government should limit itself to complete and total rule of the life of every American. Unless the President is a Republican. Then all government officials should resign and let the Democrats rule.

17. The public has a right to know exactly how many minutes George Bush spent in the National Guard, but no right to probe into Bill Clinton taking campaign money from the Chinese.

18. You support states' rights, unless that state wants to limit abortion. Then that state should be invaded, it's leaders killed and every citizen of that state should be "re-educated"..

19. What George Bush did in January of 2001 is of vital national interest. What Bill Clinton did in December of 2000 is irrelevant.

20. Trade with Cuba is wrong, unless we can trade Fidel Castro for George Bush.

AND 21. Voting Democrat is the ONLY way for blacks to get ahead. And by "ahead", we mean getting Democrats elected and putting money in Jesse Jackson's pocket.
 
ylexot

ylexot

Super Genius
:clap: Well done Vrai! I was thinking of doing something similar, but it's early and I haven't had enough coffee yet :wink:
 
vraiblonde

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL COMMITTEE CONVENTION SCHEDULE
Boston, MA


6:00 PM Opening Prayer led by Ludacris

6:30 PM Rewriting of the Pledge of Allegiance

6:35 PM Burning of the US flag

6:45 PM Salute to the United Nations and PETA

6:46 PM Seminar #1 "Getting yourself a military deferrment"

7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong - just don't inhale

7:35 PM Serve champagne, caviar and filet mignon and take the leftovers to a soup kitchen

7:40 PM EPA Address #1: "Global Warming: We're All Gonna Die"

8:00 PM Vote on which country to put in charge of US foreign policy

8:10 PM Call AA to revive Ted Kennedy

8:15 PM Kweisi Mfume Lecture: Why It's Okay To Call Condoleeza Rice and Colin Powell the N-word

8:30 PM Round table discussion on how to effectively abort your fetus

8:50 PM Seminar #2 Corporations: How Can We Dismantle Them All (Please bring your laptop or PDA to take notes)

9:00 PM John Kerry sings "F*ck You" duet with Wesley Willis

9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong (remember, no inhaling)

9:10 PM EPA Address #2 Trees: Why They're More Important Than Humans

9:30 PM Break for riot in the streets

10:00 PM Second prayer led by Madonna

10:15 PM Lecture by Barney Frank: How To Run a Prostitution Ring Out of Your Apartment

10:30 PM Al Gore demonstration on how to pad your underwear

10:35 PM Maxine Waters demonstration of how to start a race riot

10:40 PM Bill Clinton demonstration of the "cigar" technique

10:45 PM Louis Farrakhan reads the list of people he's had killed

10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong (okay, just inhale a little bit)

10:50 PM Seminar #3 Education: Your Condom and You

11:10 PM Pin the Tail on the Chimpy

11:20 PM Second Lecture by Kweisi Mfume: If You're Not a Democrat, You're Not a REAL Black Person

11:30 PM Remind Bob Byrd he's got a noon KKK meeting

11:35 PM Blame Bush

11:40 PM Ted Kennedy serves jello shooters

11:50 PM Closing Prayer led by God himself, speaking through Phil Donohue

12: 00PM Nomination of John F. Kerry as Master of the Universe
 
Tonio

Tonio

Asperger's Poster Child
Great jobs, Doc and Vrai. Both "schedules" are funny.

The Democrats' schedule should include Al Sharpton talking about "Racial Ambulance-Chasing and White Guilt-Tripping for Fun and Profit."

The Republicans' agenda should include Tim LaHaye talking about "Jew-Baiting in Code: How to Blame Everything on 'Clever Elites' in Hollywood and Academia."
 
Steve

Steve

Enjoying life!
Who is Wesley Willis? Is that a liberal I missed?

I'd Google him, but why waste my time?
 
Spoiled

Spoiled

Active Member
Originally posted by Steve
Who is Wesley Willis? Is that a liberal I missed?

I'd Google him, but why waste my time?
Click to expand...
a homeless black guy that some record company gave a deal... he sang a buncha songs that where really stupid... and when i say sing i mean sang like he spoke... and they where all to the same beat more or less

"i wooped batmans ass"
"easy e tried to kill me"
"rock sadam husseins ass"
"rock and roll mcdonalds"


many others

was a good friend of jello biafra and the fact that he was poor would lead me to believe that he was a left winger
 
Steve

Steve

Enjoying life!
Originally posted by Spoiled
a homeless black guy that some record company gave a deal... he sang a buncha songs that where really stupid... and when i say sing i mean sang like he spoke... and they where all to the same beat more or less

"i wooped batmans ass"
"easy e tried to kill me"
"rock sadam husseins ass"
"rock and roll mcdonalds"


many others

was a good friend of jello biafra and the fact that he was poor would lead me to believe that he was a left winger
Click to expand...

Oh! So he's a street beat kinda guy. His "CD" wasn't akin to those 'bum fight' folks, was it? So what is the issue with Willis?
 
Spoiled

Spoiled

Active Member
Originally posted by Steve
And the record companies killed him?
Click to expand...
if you wanna make it into a conspiracy theory then sure the record companies killed him after he discovered the truth about the bush administration
 
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