How to improve UN weapons inspections

H

Heretic

Guest
Have you noticed anything fishy about the inspection teams who
have arrived in Iraq? They're all men! How in the name of the
united nations does anyone expect men to find Saddam's stash?

We all know that men have a blind spot when it comes to finding
things. For cryin' out loud, they can't find the dirty clothes
hamper. They can't find the jar of jelly until it falls out of the
cupboard and splatters on the floor. And these are the people we
have sent into Iraq to search for hidden weapons of mass
destruction? They probably couldn't find them if they were lying
in the middle of a dusty street with a picture of Saddam aiming a
rifle in the air taped on the side!

I keep wondering why groups of women weren't sent in, preferably
mothers. After all, mothers know that their boys can't find their
socks or underwear when they're neatly folded in their dresser
drawers, so how could they be expected to find hidden biological
weapons?

On the other hand, mothers can sniff out secrets quicker than a
drug dog can find a gram of dope. What we need over there are
women like my mother. My mother could find the old olive bottles
filled with dimes that dad stashed in the attic beneath the
rafters. She could sniff out a diary two rooms and one floor away.
She always knew when the lid of the cookie jar had been disturbed,
and I swear she must have dusted for prints on the roll of salami
that was always in the refrigerator. She knew if a slice had been
removed and by whom.

I developed her ability to stalk out criminal activity when my
kids were at home. They couldn't get away with much that I didn't
know about. They still think they got away with a lot, but
actually I always knew what they were doing, and if I decided that
what they were doing was not too important or dangerous, I allowed
them to think they were getting away with it. It was important for
them to think they have an uncanny ability to pull the wool over
mom's eyes occasionally.

But male inspectors? Going after Saddam? Now I know that our
country has gone mad. Those inspectors will rely on electronic
equipment to scout out hidden threats. They will try to use
science to find chemicals. These men, dressed in their pretentious
jumpsuits, carrying their bulging briefcases, will barge into
palaces and hovels, look around and then officiously
announce, "all clear."

But if mothers were sent in, they wouldn't need body suits,
briefcases or science. Mothers would go in, charge up to Saddam
and, with their hands on their hips, demand, "Do you have any
weapons of mass destruction?" and they could tell in an instant
whether he was lying or telling the truth.

And mothers would be quite capable of finding his cache no matter
how cleverly he thought it was hidden. God help him once it was
found; he would be chastised until he begged for mercy. He
wouldn't be given a "time-out"; he would get an old fashioned butt-
kicking by women who are adept at butt-kicking. And by the time
these women finished with Saddam, he would be sitting in the
middle of a dusty road with a limp rifle and a stunned look on his
evil face.

Come on guys -- send in the women -- and have it done and over
with!
 

Penn

Dancing Up A Storm
Oh My Gawd.....

Originally posted by SmallTown
Or we can send in a bunch of catholic priests...
"Tell us the truth, or it is shower time..."
:eek: SmallTown, are you speaking from personal experience??

Heretic made mention of "a jar of jelly", and it brought back horrific memories, eh?
 

SmallTown

Football season!
Re: Oh My Gawd.....

Originally posted by penncam
:eek: SmallTown, are you speaking from personal experience??

Heretic made mention of "jar of jelly", and it brought back horrific memories, eh?

I've never been around catholic priests.
 
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