A man's viewpoint

[LexiGirl75]

When I was born, I got a choice - A big penis or a good memory.
I am not able to remember, what did I choose?

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Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

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My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.

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Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".

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There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men
-'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together == 'don't stop'!


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There are three stages to sex in a person's life:
Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

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Having sex is like playing Bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.


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Q : What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life?
A : Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't!


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Q : What's the difference between a b*tch and a wh*re?
A : A wh*re sleeps with everyone at the party and a b*tch sleeps with everyone except you.
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Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed",
many men still sleep with their wives!

 

[LexiGirl75]

1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work at his desk. He works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as an asset employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.

Addendum:

That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.

 

[LexiGirl75]

A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American man on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives. "Last night I made love to my wife four times," the Frenchman bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me." "Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man." When the American remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, "And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?" "Once," he replied.
"Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say to you this morning?"
"Don't stop."