adoption advice needed

[Red Herring]

Anyone have any recommendations for an adoption agency, adoption lawyer, or personal experiences with adoptions in the SoMD area?

We are considering looking into adoption, but don't know where to start. References and ideas online are a bit overwhelming for someone just looking for some basic advice/referrals.

Also, any thoughts/experiences on open vs. closed adoption?

Thanks!

 

[DanceMom]

In order to get some help you might want to be a little more clear of what you want. Are you looking for a USA adoption? Private? or Foster to adopt? Or are you looking for an international adoption? China? Ukraine? Africa? Makes a difference for us to help.

 

[atrusomder]

Anyone have any recommendations for an adoption agency, adoption lawyer, or personal experiences with adoptions in the SoMD area?

We are considering looking into adoption, but don't know where to start. References and ideas online are a bit overwhelming for someone just looking for some basic advice/referrals.

Also, any thoughts/experiences on open vs. closed adoption?

Thanks!

Wednesday's Child is a good place to look. Tons of kids there needing and WANTING parents.

Also, I praise you for seeking this out. If I had just one more room I too would adopt.

 

[jetmonkey]

Watch Juno. All will be revealed.

 

[CRHS89]

If you are looking to be a foster parent and/or adopt a foster child, you can contact your county's Department of Social Services. You have to go through a training class and have a home study completed to become a licensed foster/adoptive parent.

 

[sux2b44]

Would not use Bethany Christian Adoption Agency. We were going through them a few years ago and all they wanted was money, money, and more money. Then they said they could not guarantee an adoption due to the younger couples being more appealing. We were only 34 and 39.

 

[Queenofdenile1]

Would not use Bethany Christian Adoption Agency. We were going through them a few years ago and all they wanted was money, money, and more money. Then they said they could not guarantee an adoption due to the younger couples being more appealing. We were only 34 and 39.

Younger couples (under 30) are more irresponsible. I guess society hasn't figured that out yet!!

 

[DanceMom]

Here is what I know - I have friends who have taken all these routes and been successful. hope it helps.

The foster care route will take you mulitple years and will not guarentee you a baby/toddler. Nor will you get a complete well child as most have delays or some form of abuse. Most children are minorities 4 to 18 years old. The prime children generally go to the families who can care for them the best monitarily as all come with monthly stipends. You will have to take multiple care classes to qualify for the various children. Foster to adoption can take a minimum of 2 years. Keep in mind the idea here is they need folks to foster children - adoption is the luck of the draw.

Ukraine will take longer, but is more affordable (17k to 20k)- but you can expect a white child over 2 years old (normally infants are not available) that will blend well into the family. You start in a main city looking through photo books, choose a child and then travel to meet and see if you are compatible with this child. If you or the orphanage feel it is not a good match - you start over. Process takes 4 to 8 weeks once you get to the Ukraine. It can take a few year to complete paperwork/home studies to be approved to travel and "try" to adopt. The orphanages usually also expect "gifts" from parents - usually things that are needed beds, clothes, furniture, etc.

China takes a very long time again no usually an infant. I have a friend going this route for a 2nd time. All children are considered broken with health issues - though most issues can be taken care of through our health system with minimal cost. But if you qualify the rigiorous system they have you pretty much get a kid - cost is around $30k.

 

[DanceMom]

One more thing - most prefer 30 to 40 years of age, with $ in bank to spare and white collar jobs. Though others are considered. But generally age and married with mom at home is the most desirable for these agencies.

 

[shiki]

Younger couples (under 30) are more irresponsible. I guess society hasn't figured that out yet!!

That's a mighty broad brush you're painting with there. Some younger couples have their stuff together, while some older couples are just a hot mess.

 

[deemerma]

That's a mighty broad brush you're painting with there. Some younger couples have their stuff together, while some older couples are just a hot mess.

 

[Red Herring]

I guess I don't know a lot about what we might be interested in terms of details. We'd be ok with either USA or Int'l adoption, no preference of race. I know that getting a baby is difficult, so we'd be ok with a young child, maybe up to age 4?

By private adoption, you mean not through an agency? Then I'm not sure how that would work....just through an adoption lawyer? I guess I don't have an opinion on that since I don't know the pros/cons.

Foster to adopt? again, not sure which is best not yet knowing pros/cons. I guess since our ultimate goal is adoption, not fostering, then just straight to adoption would be our preference.

And to add another complication, I am just finishing cancer treatments (age 33) so although I am still on the young side (at least I thought I was until I heard some agencies like Bethany think that 34 is on the old side! Yikes) I would need to find an agency/lawyer that is ok with adoption after cancer.

Please keep the advice coming - I need all the help I can get as we try to decide if adoption is something we want to do. We have one son, age 5, and want more children but can't have more of our own.

 

[SamSpade]

As I PM'ed you - we adopted from Russia. While Russia doesn't always approve every adoption agency right away, they're wide open as to who they will let adopt, generally.

PM me if you have any specific questions.

 

[Elle]

The foster care route will take you mulitple years and will not guarentee you a baby/toddler. Nor will you get a complete well child as most have delays or some form of abuse. Most children are minorities 4 to 18 years old. The prime children generally go to the families who can care for them the best monitarily as all come with monthly stipends. You will have to take multiple care classes to qualify for the various children. Foster to adoption can take a minimum of 2 years. Keep in mind the idea here is they need folks to foster children - adoption is the luck of the draw.

While this is true in most cases – this is not always the way it works - there are children who are at the adoption stage in their process who need families – some families foster to just foster with no desire to adopt and these children need to be placed. It doesn't hurt to call your local Department of Social Services and see what they say about the availability of children in your area - you can also adopt from other areas in the state but they prefer to place children within their current community. As a side note this will probably be the most affordable adoption option as the State helps with the majority of the costs to place these children in forever homes. I’m not sure about private adoption requirements but for foster adoptions you will need to complete all the required training (30 hours I think) and background checks & home studies that a normal foster family is required to do – this usually takes about 6 months so if you think this may be the options you would like to choose I’d go ahead and make the call to get on the waiting list for the next class being offered – you have to complete the class before they will begin any of the background checks/interviews.

 

[DanceMom]

While this is true in most cases – this is not always the way it works - there are children who are at the adoption stage in their process who need families – some families foster to just foster with no desire to adopt and these children need to be placed. It doesn't hurt to call your local Department of Social Services and see what they say about the availability of children in your area - you can also adopt from other areas in the state but they prefer to place children within their current community. As a side note this will probably be the most affordable adoption option as the State helps with the majority of the costs to place these children in forever homes. I’m not sure about private adoption requirements but for foster adoptions you will need to complete all the required training (30 hours I think) and background checks & home studies that a normal foster family is required to do – this usually takes about 6 months so if you think this may be the options you would like to choose I’d go ahead and make the call to get on the waiting list for the next class being offered – you have to complete the class before they will begin any of the background checks/interviews.

Though it's true many fostered children are freed for adoption - they are not always the most desired. Many have issues that stem from abuse/neglect/as well as medical issues. Most of the freed children are already 4 or older or need to be placed with a sibling group. Most parents who are looking to adopt prefer an infant/white child. They are difficult to find within the foster care to adopt route. It's not impossible - but it does take time. Also - even though a child or sibling group is freed for adoption it does not mean they will be placed with you immediately. These children will also need to be fostered by the potential parents and after a designated time frame if the situation is found to be healthy the adoption can take place. Again this can take 6 months to 6 years.

The most convienent and "strings" free route is generally a private/closed adoption - and those are often estimated at a 5 to 10 year wait, unless you have unlimited funds.

I wish everyone luck who wishes to adopt. Your heart is in a beautiful place, and ultimately it takes time, patience and money.