Advice

[Irish_Eyes]

Hi all. My son is about to turn 2 in a month and a half, and I'm starting to worry, now that we've moved out of family's house and into our own, that he's not very well adjusted. It seems like he's getting better, but I'm not sure if the small change I've noticed is really enough.

The problem I'm having is that my beau(who he loved to be around BEFORE we moved), doesn't seem to be able to get near him anymore. My son just cries and if he tries to pick him up, he hits him and screams. I've popped his hands when he does things like that, but it still worries me. The other issue I've been having is his attachment to me. I Can't so much as walk into another room without him whining and trying to follow me, or completely blowing a gasket if he can't follow me. He wants to be held 24/7. I never had this problem before we moved...

Part of me thinks it's just because we're in a new house, and being around my beau 24/7 is new, but another part of me worries that the problem is bigger than that. He will cry and cry until I pick him up, and the other day I tried just letting him cry, hoping he'd figure out that it wasn't working, but he cried until he got sick, and I'm not sure I could go through that terrified "oh my god what just happened" look on his face everytime I try working on breaking him of his need to be all over me all the time.

My mother said I didn't have that problem growing up, that having grown up in a house full of adults, I'd always been very independant, but that doesn't seem to be the case with my little one, and I'm not sure what else to do.

 

[onebdzee]

He's starting the terrible 2's....if you cater to his crying(picking him up, not leaving him alone) he is only going to get worse as time goes on....when he gets to school age, you are seriously going to have an issue on your hands

With the SO...he does need time for the adjustment of living with him full time....before he was only a part-time figure in his life, now he is there all the time

If he cries when you leave him alone, let him cry....he's not going to die from it....it's only bad the first couple of times you do it....he will learn....If he hits your SO whenever he gets around him(or anyone for that matter)...put him in time-out(and no, he is not too young)....Stand your ground, he is only trying to test the waters and see who will sink....make it him

 

[Cowgirl]

How long ago did you move?

 

[Irish_Eyes]

How long ago did you move?

About a month ago.

He's starting the terrible 2's....if you cater to his crying(picking him up, not leaving him alone) he is only going to get worse as time goes on....when he gets to school age, you are seriously going to have an issue on your hands

With the SO...he does need time for the adjustment of living with him full time....before he was only a part-time figure in his life, now he is there all the time

If he cries when you leave him alone, let him cry....he's not going to die from it....it's only bad the first couple of times you do it....he will learn....If he hits your SO whenever he gets around him(or anyone for that matter)...put him in time-out(and no, he is not too young)....Stand your ground, he is only trying to test the waters and see who will sink....make it him

My concern isn't so much the letting him cry, that's the way I usually handle the "spoiled" issues he picked up from us living with family and them refusing to follow my guidelines when they babysat. My concern is that the last time I let him cry, he literally threw up he got so upset. I'm having a hard time knowing where to draw the line, because I don't know that I can deal with that everytime he freaks.

 

[PsyOps]

About a month ago.



My concern isn't so much the letting him cry, that's the way I usually handle the "spoiled" issues he picked up from us living with family and them refusing to follow my guidelines when they babysat. My concern is that the last time I let him cry, he literally threw up he got so upset. I'm having a hard time knowing where to draw the line, because I don't know that I can deal with that everytime he freaks.

Did your beau change anything lately? Grow a beard, start wearing glasses, etc...? Did he lash out at your son or spank him real bad recently? Was your son really attached to another member of you family when you lived in the other house?

 

[onebdzee]

My concern isn't so much the letting him cry, that's the way I usually handle the "spoiled" issues he picked up from us living with family and them refusing to follow my guidelines when they babysat. My concern is that the last time I let him cry, he literally threw up he got so upset. I'm having a hard time knowing where to draw the line, because I don't know that I can deal with that everytime he freaks.

Seriously, let him cry....if he throws up because of it, get him to help clean it up(hold the paper towels, bring the mop, bring the trash can) when he has calmed down and explain to him that he doesn't need to get so upset just cause you leave the room, you do come back....some kids are more hardheaded than others, but they all eventually get it

 

[Irish_Eyes]

Seriously, let him cry....if he throws up because of it, get him to help clean it up(hold the paper towels, bring the mop, bring the trash can) when he has calmed down and explain to him that he doesn't need to get so upset just cause you leave the room, you do come back....some kids are more hardheaded than others, but they all eventually get it

He's not even two yet... not exactly an age where they know how to handle a mop or any of that. Hell, its obvious he doesn't really know what throwing up is, as scared as he was when it happened. I felt so bad, the look on his face... he was terrified.

 

[Cowgirl]

He's not even two yet... not exactly an age where they know how to handle a mop or any of that. Hell, its obvious he doesn't really know what throwing up is, as scared as he was when it happened. I felt so bad, the look on his face... he was terrified.

Go with your gut instinct. You know if your son is pushing things or if he's truly scared. He's not even two, so he probably doesn't understand the new house and everything being different. That's got to be hard on him.

 

[bcp]

Seriously, let him cry....if he throws up because of it, get him to help clean it up(hold the paper towels, bring the mop, bring the trash can) when he has calmed down and explain to him that he doesn't need to get so upset just cause you leave the room, you do come back....some kids are more hardheaded than others, but they all eventually get it

I can still remember when my mother finally made me stand on my own without her constant assistance.
Even at 21 it was hard, I can imagine what it would have been like at two.

 

[Irish_Eyes]

Did your beau change anything lately? Grow a beard, start wearing glasses, etc...? Did he lash out at your son or spank him real bad recently? Was your son really attached to another member of you family when you lived in the other house?

Sorry, I didn't see this yesterday. No, he hasn't changed anything or acted differently. He's always tried to be very friendly with the baby, else I wouldn't let him near him. As for being attatched, he was very attatched to everyone in the old house, and because of that, I try to make it a point to take him to see them regularly, because as much as we disagreed on how he should be raised, they do love him and vice versa.

 

[itsbob]

He's not even two yet... not exactly an age where they know how to handle a mop or any of that. Hell, its obvious he doesn't really know what throwing up is, as scared as he was when it happened. I felt so bad, the look on his face... he was terrified.

You'd be surprised what a 2 year old "gets"..

She didn't say to have him USE the mop, just help in the clean up.. Have him hold the mop while you are doing the paper towels.. or vice versa..

Tough love works.. If it was Easy Love everyone would do it.

 

[pebbles]

You'd be surprised what a 2 year old "gets"..

She didn't say to have him USE the mop, just help in the clean up.. Have him hold the mop while you are doing the paper towels.. or vice versa..

Tough love works.. If it was Easy Love everyone would do it.

that I agree with. My son is 18 months & if he sees me get the broom to sweep the floor, he runs to get the dustpan to "help" mommy. There have also been times that he thinks the floor is dirty so he goes & gets the broom himself. It's hysterical! He has his own little broom but that's not good enough! I agree to keep talking to him & explain to him that you are coming back etc. Being consistent is important. My son was crying a lot when I would walk out of a room but I just kept explaining that mommy would be right back etc & now he doesn't freak out anymore. Of course he still throws his temper tantrums but that's another story! Good luck!

 

[poster]

Sorry, I didn't see this yesterday. No, he hasn't changed anything or acted differently. He's always tried to be very friendly with the baby, else I wouldn't let him near him. As for being attatched, he was very attatched to everyone in the old house, and because of that, I try to make it a point to take him to see them regularly, because as much as we disagreed on how he should be raised, they do love him and vice versa.

Try having them come see him, you want him to get comfortable with the new place.

You're SO should try a little reverse phsycology (sp?). Have him not pay him much attention, play with his toys a little, peak his interest. Your little one might need to think it's his idea to give attention vs. get attention. Especially since he's already trying to get it in the wrong way.

Ignore his crying or he'll learn it gets him what he wants. My daughter only got clingy when she needed sleep, is he sleeping well? Perhaps he needs an extra nap for a little while.

 

[PrchJrkr]

Check the registered sex offenders list for your "beau's" name. :shrug:

 

[vbailey]

seems he is feeling insecure.....the changes are major to him since he most likely was in your parents house since he was born....
what about your bf......I was just wondering is he living/sleeping in the same bed with you now and not before the move? That could upset your son that maybe bf is getting attention that your son once had from you.....that could cause him to resent bf....

 

[ShoeQueen77]

Maybe the little one needs something special in the new house of his own. Like design a nice little play/toy room for him. Or decorate his room really cool. He needs something he can call his own?

 

[PsyOps]

Sorry, I didn't see this yesterday. No, he hasn't changed anything or acted differently. He's always tried to be very friendly with the baby, else I wouldn't let him near him. As for being attatched, he was very attatched to everyone in the old house, and because of that, I try to make it a point to take him to see them regularly, because as much as we disagreed on how he should be raised, they do love him and vice versa.

How is your son with your beau when you visit back in the old house?

 

[PsyOps]

Something to consider perhaps?

Attachment disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

[Irish_Eyes]

I think I might have worried a little too early, all things considered. He's calmed down quite a bit in the past week, and is now at the point where if my SO goes outside to do yard work or just walk the property, the little one will throw a fit if he can't follow. They don't have too many issues when I'm in another room anymore, though he does whine if I walk away from him. Looks like I was just hasty in my "OMG what's wrong with my baby?!" attitude. Thanks everyone anyway for the advice!