Ah the Irish

[Bustem' Down]

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda."
There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry.
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."

 

[vraiblonde]

An Irishman named Murphy went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Murphy in the eye and said, "I’ve some bad new for you, Murph ...you have the cancer and it can’t be cured. I’d give you two weeks to a month."

Murphy, shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character, managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor’s office into the waiting room. There he saw his son who had been waiting. Murphy said, "Son, we Irish celebrate when things are good and celebrate when things don’t go so well. In this case, things aren’t so well. I have cancer and I’ve been given a short time to live. Let’s head for the pub and have a few pints."

After three or four pints the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of Murphy’s old friends who asked what the two were celebrating.

Murphy told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad.

He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends: "I’ve only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS."

The friends gave Murphy their condolences and they had a couple more beers. After his friends left, Murphy’s son leaned over and whispered his confusion... "Dad I thought you said that you were dying from cancer? You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS?"
Murphy said, " I am dying from cancer son, I just don’t want any of those bastards sleeping with your mother after I’m gone.

 

[nawty1]

GREAT JOKES!!!!

 

[Joe'smom]

Just the fax....

Three businessmen were sitting in a sauna, each pondering his own troubles.
An irishman, an oriental and black man all sweating their brains out while thinking. Suddenly the black mans arm starts humming -he reaches up pushes on his forearm and apologizes for the interuption--"sorry guy's ...my old lady's paging me!" "I had my pager installed in my arm because I keep losing it" again they revert to thier silence and then the oriental man's hand starts ringing and he punches his palm and begins to talk. Once he finishes his conversation he explains he developed new phone technology and has a cellular chip in his hand.
Now the irishman, feeling technologically inferior, gets up and leaves the sauna only to return moments later with a long trail of toilet paper coming from his backside. Of course his fellow colleagues notice and ask "hey man what's that?" "you know you have something following you?".
The irishman turned only to explain "Well my bejesus ---I do believe me fax is coming in!"