Aircraft Maintenance is serious business

[ServiceGuy]

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P : Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And lastly..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

 

[mAlice]

 

[RadioPatrol]

P : Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.


P: Number 3 engine missing. - cant the operator looking out the window
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.



P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

 

[SoMDGirl42]

Excellent! I have tears rolling

 

[RoseRed]

Cracks me up every time I read it.

 

[MMDad]

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

UPS planes with IFF and targeting radar?

 

[Gummie]

You never know, that might be Fed-Ex Air approaching at three o'clock!

 

[(((echo)))]

as an aircraft mechanic in the Navy we had the same situation with pilot gripes.
My favorite on was actually stated..
"landing gear seems to stick to runway during takeoff"
well the response was to apply more speed on runway

 

[BuffaloBill]

UPS planes with IFF and targeting radar?

All planes have IFF. It's the modes that some lack...like interrogating a FOE... it's a navigational aid for altitude reporting and such. Every time a plane takes off they tell them to squawk a number, that's IFF...the pilot dials it in ...this makes it easier for ATC's to track that plane. Targeting radar is another term for weather radar. They had trouble tracking the 911 airplanes because the hijackers turned IFF off.

 

[MMDad]

All planes have IFF. It's the modes that some lack...like interrogating a FOE... it's a navigational aid for altitude reporting and such. Every time a plane takes off they tell them to squawk a number, that's IFF...the pilot dials it in ...this makes it easier for ATC's to track that plane. Targeting radar is another term for weather radar. They had trouble tracking the 911 airplanes because the hijackers turned IFF off.

Please don't try to teach me what I know better than you.

Civilian planes do not have IFF, they have ATCRBS, also known as SIF, or Modes 3/A and C. IFF would only be if you have another mode that civilian planes do not have. We don't need to go into the specifics of the other modes here.

 

[BuffaloBill]

Please don't try to teach me what I know better than you.

Civilian planes do not have IFF, they have ATCRBS, also known as SIF, or Modes 3/A and C. IFF would only be if you have another mode that civilian planes do not have. We don't need to go into the specifics of the other modes here.

Well maybe we do, but jeez dude, who would want to even talk to you coming accross like this.

Take it easy dude!

 

[vraiblonde]

I've seen this a million times and it still cracks me up

 

[BuffaloBill]

Please don't try to teach me what I know better than you.

Civilian planes do not have IFF, they have ATCRBS, also known as SIF, or Modes 3/A and C. IFF would only be if you have another mode that civilian planes do not have. We don't need to go into the specifics of the other modes here.

http://www.dean-boys.com/extras/iff/iffqa.html

FAA regulations require that all aircraft, military or civilian, flying at an altitude of 10,000 feet or higher in U.S. controlled airspace, must be equipped with an operating IFF transponder system capable of automatic altitude reporting (this is the reason that two of the modes are used by both military and civilian aircraft).

And the pilots and ground crew sill call it IFF. Call it what ever you want, It's IFF.

 

[MMDad]

http://www.dean-boys.com/extras/iff/iffqa.html



And the pilots and ground crew sill call it IFF. Call it what ever you want, It's IFF.

IFF is Mode 4. Civilians do not have Mode 4. It isn't IFF.

Have you ever heard the term "wrote the book?" That would be me. Don't tell me my job, Tom.

 

[BuffaloBill]

IFF is Mode 4. Civilians do not have Mode 4. It isn't IFF.

Have you ever heard the term "wrote the book?" That would be me. Don't tell me my job, Tom.

I'm not telling you how to do anything, just that IFF has more modes than just "Mode 4". And It is in UPS airplanes. Trust me!

 

[Ken King]

http://www.dean-boys.com/extras/iff/iffqa.html



And the pilots and ground crew sill call it IFF. Call it what ever you want, It's IFF.

IFF = Identification Friend or Foe
SIF = Selective identification Feature

It's all the same, namely the aircraft secondary radar transponder that reports the assigned BEACON code used for flight plan correlation, identification when transitting across an ADIZ so as not to be intercepted by the military, and for general air traffic control purposes.

 

[BuffaloBill]

IFF = Identification Friend or Foe
SIF = Selective identification Feature

It's all the same, namely the aircraft secondary radar transponder that reports the assigned BEACON code used for flight plan correlation, identification when transitting across an ADIZ so as not to be intercepted by the military, and for general air traffic control purposes.

That what I'm trying to say to MM, who "wrote the book" on this.

 

[Ken King]

That what I'm trying to say to MM, who "wrote the book" on this.

Well I doubt he wrote the book as I have been dealing with IFF/SIF since the early 1970's as a radar operator in the Air Force. So if he wrote the book I should have read his version and I don't think I ever noticed any specific person getting credit for it. By the way the book is ACP160. Anyway, the ability to transmit beyond Mode 3A (unique code) and 3C (altitude) of the basic Mark X system came about with the Mark X(A) unit, giving the military a Positive Identification Feature, AKA Mode 4. This feature was carried forward with the Mark XII system that added Mode 5 for additional reporting features.

 

[BuffaloBill]

Well I doubt he wrote the book as I have been dealing with IFF/SIF since the early 1970's as a radar operator in the Air Force. So if he wrote the book I should have read his version and I don't think I ever noticed any specific person getting credit for it. By the way the book is ACP160. Anyway, the ability to transmit beyond Mode 3A (unique code) and 3C (altitude) of the basic Mark X system came about with the Mark X(A) unit, giving the military a Positive Identification Feature, AKA Mode 4. This feature was carried forward with the Mark XII system that added Mode 5 for additional reporting features.

Thanks!