Any resources for what to do with an aging parent?

PeoplesElbow

Well-Known Member
I am trying to figure out what to do with an aging parent that I can't watch 24/7 that happens to need some assistance, but is somewhat mobile.

I have no idea what to do, help.
 

Monello

Awww, jeez
PREMO Member
Good luck. I know it isn't easy.

Surely someone on here knows of some resources to help you.
 

catlingirl

Member
I am trying to figure out what to do with an aging parent that I can't watch 24/7 that happens to need some assistance, but is somewhat mobile.

I have no idea what to do, help.
You can try the Department of Aging through the county health department. And from what I’ve been told you can talk to your parent’s primary care doctor and they can recommend someone to help. It’s hard taking care of someone by yourself. Good luck and take care.
 

Bann

Doris Day meets Lady Gaga
PREMO Member
I am trying to figure out what to do with an aging parent that I can't watch 24/7 that happens to need some assistance, but is somewhat mobile.

I have no idea what to do, help.
I am trying to figure out what to do with an aging parent that I can't watch 24/7 that happens to need some assistance, but is somewhat mobile.

I have no idea what to do, help.
Which county? What type of assistance? This is one agency located in Calvert that provides various types of in home assistance. http://www.lovingcareseniors.net/nursing-referral-agency-our-services

Have you contacted the Office on Aging for your county? The number should be on the county website.

Good luck, because it's tough. If your parent is driving, the level of availability drops, as medicare won't pay for many of those services.

Here's another link with many links of resources (Calvert County): https://www.co.cal.md.us/Index.aspx?NID=391&PREVIEW=YES
 
We moved my dad into an Assisted Living facility. It's not nursing care, it's just as it sounds. They provide as much or as little care as they need. Nursing staff in-house to keep tabs on them. Meals provided, but they are totally free to go out on the town as they want.

He is, for the best part, healthy, but has a lot of trouble getting around, showering, that kind of thing. My brothers and I could not be full time care takers, so this was a very good alternative. He has a nice apartment, 2 bed, 2 bath, limited kitchen (no stove). As their needs progress, they add services to cover it. If his mind starts to go, they have a separate memory care unit, beyond that is care more like nursing.

It's funny, but at 93, my dad volunteers to work in the memory care unit once or twice a week, shows them pictures of things going on, his trips... He has his own little video cart with a monitor and VCR/DVD. He's a riot.

If they had one here, I would recommend the Primrose facility. My dad is in Arkansas. If you choose to try something like this, visit lots of places, ask lots of questions, keep your eyes open. Some of the place looked nice, but provided little for the money. Others were so bad I wouldn't put an enemy in there. Not cheap, but I know he's getting the proper care. And it's not like we just dumped him there, my brother, his daughters and all the family is less than 10 minutes away and bail him out of there often, dinners at the house, boating on the lake....

 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
I am trying to figure out what to do with an aging parent that I can't watch 24/7 that happens to need some assistance, but is somewhat mobile.

I have no idea what to do, help.
Margo is our sponsor but there are other services as well.


How much help does your parent need?
 
That's what we did, but if he is capable of living at home himself, there are outfits that can provide at home care a few times a week, daily, or live-in.

Best wishes to you. This is not easy.
 

PeoplesElbow

Well-Known Member
Thanks guys, she isn't located in SOMD but I am considering relocating her here.

She is quite hard headed though and right now she thinks she is going to be able to go back to living alone without help.
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
She is quite hard headed though and right now she thinks she is going to be able to go back to living alone without help.
She may. Depending on the severity she may be living a normal life before you know it.

Anyway, there are most likely home care givers in her area to help her out.
 

mitzi

Well-Known Member
It's funny, but at 93, my dad volunteers to work in the memory care unit once or twice a week, shows them pictures of things going on, his trips... He has his own little video cart with a monitor and VCR/DVD. He's a riot.
That's great!
 

littlelady

God bless the USA
I am trying to figure out what to do with an aging parent that I can't watch 24/7 that happens to need some assistance, but is somewhat mobile.

I have no idea what to do, help.
I wish you the best in trying to help your mom. My mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, and we brought her up from Louisiana to live with us in 2004 in St. Leonard. My father passed 9 years earlier. She wasn’t the same person, and was slamming doors, breaking glass, etc., and, eventually, we had to take her back to LA to a nursing home, so one of my bros could look in on her. One of the most traumatic events of my life. The one saving grace was that one of my mom’s nusrses called me in the middle of night from her personal cell to tell me my mom would not survive the night because of organ shutdown. She put the fone to my mom’s ear so I could tell her how much I loved her, and all she did for me. She couldn’t respond. She died in 2007. I miss her, and my father every single day. I told you this story because I understand what you are going through, and the decisions you have to make. It isn’t easy, and heart wrenching. I don’t have advice for local care, but wish you the best outcome.
 
Last edited:

Bann

Doris Day meets Lady Gaga
PREMO Member
We moved my dad into an Assisted Living facility. It's not nursing care, it's just as it sounds. They provide as much or as little care as they need. Nursing staff in-house to keep tabs on them. Meals provided, but they are totally free to go out on the town as they want.

He is, for the best part, healthy, but has a lot of trouble getting around, showering, that kind of thing. My brothers and I could not be full time care takers, so this was a very good alternative. He has a nice apartment, 2 bed, 2 bath, limited kitchen (no stove). As their needs progress, they add services to cover it. If his mind starts to go, they have a separate memory care unit, beyond that is care more like nursing.

It's funny, but at 93, my dad volunteers to work in the memory care unit once or twice a week, shows them pictures of things going on, his trips... He has his own little video cart with a monitor and VCR/DVD. He's a riot.

If they had one here, I would recommend the Primrose facility. My dad is in Arkansas. If you choose to try something like this, visit lots of places, ask lots of questions, keep your eyes open. Some of the place looked nice, but provided little for the money. Others were so bad I wouldn't put an enemy in there. Not cheap, but I know he's getting the proper care. And it's not like we just dumped him there, my brother, his daughters and all the family is less than 10 minutes away and bail him out of there often, dinners at the house, boating on the lake....

Asbury in Solomons here in Calvert is very similar. Various levels of senior living, and, like you said, seniors can add more services as their need go up. There are several older parents of friends I know who enjoy living there very much. :yay:


 

RoseRed

American Beauty
PREMO Member
I am trying to figure out what to do with an aging parent that I can't watch 24/7 that happens to need some assistance, but is somewhat mobile.

I have no idea what to do, help.
I saw that you said she is not here in SOMD. Will you be trying to keep her in her home or in a facility? If local, I know of a Godsend who cared for my stepfather and my neighbors mother before their passing. My Grandmother was in an awesome home, but that was in Montana. Sadly, she passed just last week at 97.
 

Bann

Doris Day meets Lady Gaga
PREMO Member
Thanks guys, she isn't located in SOMD but I am considering relocating her here.

She is quite hard headed though and right now she thinks she is going to be able to go back to living alone without help.
I am going to comment on your post, and in no way do I mean this to be nasty or ugly. I've gone through similar issues with my mother, who passed in 2012. A very close friend of mine is going through it now, and I've known at least 3 other close friends who have dealt with elderly parents and their various levels of needs. Some of these decisions and changes that might need to be made will be difficult and challenging for your relative. (and for you)

I have been aggravated, frustrated and overwhelmed being the caretaker of my parent. When you love them, you want to do everything in your power to help and even that which is not in your power, at times. The role reversal I found myself in was a weird stage of my life to say the least. Sometimes, I had little cooperation from my sibling, which made what I was going through even harder.

Something I didn't realize back then, (probably because I was also a single parent with 2 teenagers, 1 of whom is/was special needs): is that the human will to live and even just survive is very strong! It's built in. What might be considered "hard-headed" (and no doubt, they might well be!) is essentially a strong desire to be independent, remain autonomous, and maybe just survive. Isn't that an awesome thing, though?! She wants to keep her independence as long as possible. It's a tough place to be.

Advocacy can be a tough job at times! Good luck - always feel free to PM me if you need some moral support. :yay:
 

Bann

Doris Day meets Lady Gaga
PREMO Member
She may. Depending on the severity she may be living a normal life before you know it.

Anyway, there are most likely home care givers in her area to help her out.
:yeahthat:
Visiting Angels is a nationwide organization. Also l, Google "A Place For Mom". I think that is a resource type of websitefor senior services. Good luck!!
 

PeoplesElbow

Well-Known Member
I'll check those out while she is in therapy. Any ideas for a temporary solution. I have started adding grab bars etc in her house, but Im really not sure if I am wasting my time or not yet so I don't want to go too far. She owns a very nice house outright that is plum full of very nice furniture and a bunch of junk that I would have to take care of. The good thing is she has a nice income with SS and a pension, and an untouched IRA as well as a good bit of cash. I also have a good bit of cash I could use for whatever she needs.

I would bring her to my house, but I do have a job and my bathrooms are very small and not designed well for anything that would help there.
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
I'll check those out while she is in therapy. Any ideas for a temporary solution. I have started adding grab bars etc in her house, but Im really not sure if I am wasting my time or not yet so I don't want to go too far. She owns a very nice house outright that is plum full of very nice furniture and a bunch of junk that I would have to take care of. The good thing is she has a nice income with SS and a pension, and an untouched IRA as well as a good bit of cash. I also have a good bit of cash I could use for whatever she needs.

I would bring her to my house, but I do have a job and my bathrooms are very small and not designed well for anything that would help there.
I'd be worried about her living alone in a compromised condition not only because she might blank out or something, but because the local talent might decide to come help themselves to her stuff. If she's doing okay financially, maybe it's time for The Villages (or some other senior living community). Get visions of nursing homes out of your head - these places are SWEET, plus they have people who can come help her out medically or even just fix her toilets and change a lightbulb. I toured one in Waldorf a few years ago and that place was super nice.

But for now give the home helper people in her area a call. I know Margo custom designs a visiting schedule based on needs, so I'm sure other services do as well.
 
Vrai's assessment is mine too. For immediate needs, seek out a home service company with consideration of live-in. This will be a good stop-gap until you can better decide on the future, and whether or not she can remain at home. That will give you time to think and make plans.
 
Top