Application to Date My Daughter

SxyPrincess

SxyPrincess

New Member
APPLICATION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER


Application to Date My Daughter… Name: Last___________First______________ M. Initial_______ Age______
Address: ________________________________County______________________
Religion: ________________________#Attendance's in the Last Year_____
Parents: Father's Name________________#Marriages______#Years_________
Address________________________________________________
Mother's Name_______________#Marriages______#Years_____
Address________________________________________________
1. Do you own or drive a Van? ______________ (If so Please Discontinue Filling Out Form)
2. In 50 words or less, describe what NO!!!! Means to you_________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________
3. In 50 words or less, describe what LATE!! Means to You_________ __________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________
4. Where would you least like To Be SHOT?_________________________
5. Which is the Last BONE You Want Broken?________________________
6. What do you want to be IF you grow up?_________________________
7. The Place for a WOMAN Is?______________________________________
8. What is MY Daughter's NAME? ___________________________________
9.Who besides GOD Should YOU FEAR the most? ______________________
Parental Use Only:
Appearance Looks Like:Status:
Mel Gibson ___________Accepted:__________
David Letterman_______Rejected: __________
Pee-Wee Herman________Pending: __________
NOTE:This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.
NAME______________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________
HEIGHT____________ WEIGHT_____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________
SOCIAL SECURITY #____________________
DRIVERS LICENSE #_______________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_____________________________________________
HOME ADDRESS__________________________
CITY/STATE___________ ZIP_____
Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent?__________
If NO, explain________________________________________________________
Number of years married________ If less than your age, Explain________
________________________________________________________________ Do you own a van?_____ A truck with oversized tires?_____
A waterbed?_________ A pickup with a mattress in the back?______
A condom?______ Pornography?_______
Do you have earring, nose ring, or a belly button ring?________
A tattoo?___________ (IF YES TO THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES)
In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, mean to you? _______________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you? ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________
When would be the best time to interview your father, mother, and priest?_____________
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential. (that means I won't tell anyone EVER)
The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is ____________________
When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is ______________________
NOTE: if above answer begins with T or A, discontinue. Leaving premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.
What is the current going rate of a hotel room? _______________________
Condoms come in packages of
A: 3 B: 6 C: 9 D: 12 E: ALL OF THE ABOVE (circle one)
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE AND RED HOT POKERS.
___________________________________________
Signature (that means sign your name)
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write.
If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch your back).
 
Sharon

Sharon

* * * * * * * * *
Staff member
PREMO Member
:lol:[me busy making copies before the next bozo shows up at the door, thanks!]
 
V

Vicki

Member
Too funny, check out this list from the JohnBoy and Billy radio show (out of Charlotte, NC) website:

Mad Max Presents: Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
 
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