Artistic decisions
- Thread starter Kyle
- Start date
The Shaggy Pun Test (for Sharon, Kyle, and other punsters)
It happens to all of us. You're sitting with a group of friends, and all of a sudden you are overwhelmed by the urge to tell a long, somewhat improbable story that ends with a pun. Loud groans are made, and you are pelted with pillows, cushions, paper, garbage, and anything else that comes to hand. Why does this happen, and why do certain people seem to be more likely to be stricken with this dread disease?
Dubbed SPS (Shaggy Pun Syndrome) by prominent psychologists, this illness has baffled scientists. What causes it — love of groaning sounds, subconscious desires to be hit with loose objects in the room, or some deeper cause, such as becoming fixated at the silly phase? Whatever the cause, SPS can become a serious mental illness, and if unchecked in its early phases, can result in minor injury (from beatings), major injury (from worse beatings), and even death (from still worse beatings).
Don't despair — treatment is becoming available, ranging from oral counseling to gags to tongue removal. As an early warning device, the SPT (Shaggy Pun Test) has been developed, based on the idea that retention of puns can lead to SPS. The SPT is a collection of "punch lines" from said stories. Recognition of more than a critical number of these punch lines can indicate serious potential for SPS. If caught early enough it is hoped that the puns maybe removed by surgical means.
To take the SPT, merely make an X beside each punch line that you either remember the story that goes with it, or that you can easily build a story to fit. Remember, a score of 100 percent is not necessarily desirable!
__1. The squire on the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the other two squires. (Variation: squaw instead of squire.)
__2. Two obese Patties, special Ross, Lester Cheese picking bunions on a Sesame Street bus!
__ 3. Moral: Let your pages do the walking through the yellow fingers.
__ 4. Moral: People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
__ 5. Moral: Don't hatchet your counts before they chicken.
__ 6. Moral: If the foo shits, wear it.
__ 7. Super California Mystic Expert Halitosis.
__ 8. I wouldn't send a knight out on a dog like this.
__ 9. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
__10. I left my harp in Sam Clam's Disco. (Variant: I left my harp in Sam Frank's Disco.)
__11. Moral: A niche in time saves Stein.
__12. SOW ROPE, NATEY-O!
__13. Well, there's something about an aqua Volvo, man. . . .
__14. Moral: A washed pot never oils.
__15. Transporting mynahs over sedate lions for immortal porpoises. [Variations: Carrying /young/ /gulls/ across /a staid lion/ /staked lines/ for immortal porpoises.]
__16. It's a long way to tip a Raree.
__17. Rudolph, the Red, knows rain, dear.
__18. For making an obscene clone fall.
__19. Doctor, the thong is ended, but the malady lingers on!
__20. Where were you when the fit hit the Shan?
__21. . . . They had left no tern unstoned.
__22. . . . Abscess make the fart go "HONDA"!
__23. Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!
__24. These are the "times" that dry men's soles. [Alternate: These are the soles that time men's tries.]
__25. . . . And she thus became the first chicken to catch a Tory.
__26. The next day, the headline in the paper read "Peter Viper wrecks a truck of pickled Steppers."
__27. Ike's Aunt gets nose hat is fact, son.
__28. Dee, who flaps last, flaps left.
__29. That's the beer that made Mel Famie walk us.
__30. The first time a reign was called on account of the game.
__31. Opporknockity tunes but once. [Alternate: O'Pernokkety tunes but once.]
__32. Came the reply, "That was no laser — that was my knife!"
__33. Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars!
__34. Stop right where you are, boyfoot bear with teaks of Chan!
__35. A gritty pearl is Michael, LLD.
__36. Which just goes to show that, a Benny shaved is a Benny urned.
__37. Pardon me Roy, is that the cat who chewed your new shoes?
__38. We have come to seize your berries, not to appraise them. [Variant: not to praise them.]
__39. When you're out of slits, you're out of pier!
__40. We can't have archaic and edict, too.
__41. Contributing to the delinquency of a miner!
__42. I'm booking over that four-clove leaver, though I've overcooked before!
__43. It's a Knick Knack, Patty Wack. Give the frog a loan.
__44. Another case where the spirit was willing but the flush was weak.
__45. Time's fun when you're having flies.
__46. A fiery 'stead with the spite of Leed, A clout of dust, And a hearty "Buy old Silver"!
__47. It's a rambling rack from George the Turk with an elephant engineer!
__48. All of Hing's courses and all of Ming's ken couldn't get gum tea to feather a hen.
__49. MORAL: Let a swine be your gorilla in a grainy, grainy bay. And if your Swede decries, just tell her that a swine will always pay. . . .
__50. . . . Stilling two birds with one's cone.
__51. General Minh prefer bronze.
__52. With fronds like these, who needs anemones?
__53. Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!
__54. Better Nate than lever.
__55. The hills are alive with the hounds of Munich.
__56. He who has a Tate's is lost.
__57. Artie chokes three for a dollar at local market.
__58. MORAL: A stolen roan gathers no moose.
__59. . . . But actually mah hammered alley is really cashew's clay.
__60. But of course, the Czech is always in the male.
__61. The star mangled spanner.
__62. See! Even adders can multiply on a log table.
__63. MORAL: You can't have your kayak and heat it too.
__64. You fools! We have ways to make you tock!
__65. I don't know, but his face sure rings a bell.
__66. No, I'm a frayed knot.
__67. Because Herman the German was used to hard ships.
__68. I don't know, but he's a dead ringer for his brother.
__69. You're thore!!! I can't even thit!!
__70. She is just suffering from pre-minstrel tension.
__71. Yeast is yeast and nest is next, and never the Maine shall tweet.
__72. He's a typical gnu, and tiler, too.
__73. The furry with the syringe on top.
__74. He's not the rigger Mort is.
__75. I don't know. Am I my blubber's kipper?
__76. It's the Moron Tab or an Apple Choir.
__77. The trill of Vicar Rhee in the agony of the feet.
__78. The Koahla tea of Mercy is not strained.
__79. It was the bottom of the Ninth, the basses were loaded, and the score was tied.
__80. Lucy in the dye with Simons.
__81. It was the beast of Thames, it was the wurst of Thames.
__82. Making him the first to wire a head for a reservation.
__83. that has nothing to do with it, he is just a poor conductor.
__84. Everyone knows. . . Tarzan Stripes Forever
__85. Your father's pre-ministerial syndrome caused his premature "Hey Jack, you're late, son."
__86. Lou Slips, Sinks Ships.
__87. You can take a hearse to water, but you can't make it sink.
__88. The moral of the story: Don't put all your Basques into one exit.
__89. Ah, sweet Mr. Rhee of Life, at last I've found you!
__90. There's Manny, asleep between the Cub and the Lip.
__91. Give my big hearts to Maude, Duane. / Dismember me for Harold's choir. / Tell all the Foys on Sortibackenstrete / That I will soon be there. (Hint: think of Isaac Asimov's "Death of a Foy.")
__92. Am I Mike Carruthers' beeper?
__93. That was the day the fit hit the Shan.
__94. The White Man's Peak with Forked Tong.
__95. It's a feat to keep your seat on the vicious hippy mutt.
__96. Booty is in the "Aye" of the bee holder.
__97. Wait 'til the nun signs, Shelly.
__98. Warning: The searchin' general has determined that smoking ziggurats is hazardous to your stealth.
__99. Bargain dogs don't bite.
__100. A weigh a day keeps the doctor an Apple.
__101. It was the first known instance of using core storage to save registers.
__102. A sink is as good as a tod to a blind Norse.
Scoring: 0 - 10 No danger (healthy)
11 - 25 Minor SPS (recommend therapy)
26 - 40 Moderate SPS (recommend gag)
41 - 52 Punster — Major SPS (recommend tongue removal)
more than 53 Paronomisiac — Extreme SPS (recommend lobotomy).
It happens to all of us. You're sitting with a group of friends, and all of a sudden you are overwhelmed by the urge to tell a long, somewhat improbable story that ends with a pun. Loud groans are made, and you are pelted with pillows, cushions, paper, garbage, and anything else that comes to hand. Why does this happen, and why do certain people seem to be more likely to be stricken with this dread disease?
Dubbed SPS (Shaggy Pun Syndrome) by prominent psychologists, this illness has baffled scientists. What causes it — love of groaning sounds, subconscious desires to be hit with loose objects in the room, or some deeper cause, such as becoming fixated at the silly phase? Whatever the cause, SPS can become a serious mental illness, and if unchecked in its early phases, can result in minor injury (from beatings), major injury (from worse beatings), and even death (from still worse beatings).
Don't despair — treatment is becoming available, ranging from oral counseling to gags to tongue removal. As an early warning device, the SPT (Shaggy Pun Test) has been developed, based on the idea that retention of puns can lead to SPS. The SPT is a collection of "punch lines" from said stories. Recognition of more than a critical number of these punch lines can indicate serious potential for SPS. If caught early enough it is hoped that the puns maybe removed by surgical means.
To take the SPT, merely make an X beside each punch line that you either remember the story that goes with it, or that you can easily build a story to fit. Remember, a score of 100 percent is not necessarily desirable!
__1. The squire on the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the other two squires. (Variation: squaw instead of squire.)
__2. Two obese Patties, special Ross, Lester Cheese picking bunions on a Sesame Street bus!
__ 3. Moral: Let your pages do the walking through the yellow fingers.
__ 4. Moral: People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
__ 5. Moral: Don't hatchet your counts before they chicken.
__ 6. Moral: If the foo shits, wear it.
__ 7. Super California Mystic Expert Halitosis.
__ 8. I wouldn't send a knight out on a dog like this.
__ 9. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
__10. I left my harp in Sam Clam's Disco. (Variant: I left my harp in Sam Frank's Disco.)
__11. Moral: A niche in time saves Stein.
__12. SOW ROPE, NATEY-O!
__13. Well, there's something about an aqua Volvo, man. . . .
__14. Moral: A washed pot never oils.
__15. Transporting mynahs over sedate lions for immortal porpoises. [Variations: Carrying /young/ /gulls/ across /a staid lion/ /staked lines/ for immortal porpoises.]
__16. It's a long way to tip a Raree.
__17. Rudolph, the Red, knows rain, dear.
__18. For making an obscene clone fall.
__19. Doctor, the thong is ended, but the malady lingers on!
__20. Where were you when the fit hit the Shan?
__21. . . . They had left no tern unstoned.
__22. . . . Abscess make the fart go "HONDA"!
__23. Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!
__24. These are the "times" that dry men's soles. [Alternate: These are the soles that time men's tries.]
__25. . . . And she thus became the first chicken to catch a Tory.
__26. The next day, the headline in the paper read "Peter Viper wrecks a truck of pickled Steppers."
__27. Ike's Aunt gets nose hat is fact, son.
__28. Dee, who flaps last, flaps left.
__29. That's the beer that made Mel Famie walk us.
__30. The first time a reign was called on account of the game.
__31. Opporknockity tunes but once. [Alternate: O'Pernokkety tunes but once.]
__32. Came the reply, "That was no laser — that was my knife!"
__33. Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars!
__34. Stop right where you are, boyfoot bear with teaks of Chan!
__35. A gritty pearl is Michael, LLD.
__36. Which just goes to show that, a Benny shaved is a Benny urned.
__37. Pardon me Roy, is that the cat who chewed your new shoes?
__38. We have come to seize your berries, not to appraise them. [Variant: not to praise them.]
__39. When you're out of slits, you're out of pier!
__40. We can't have archaic and edict, too.
__41. Contributing to the delinquency of a miner!
__42. I'm booking over that four-clove leaver, though I've overcooked before!
__43. It's a Knick Knack, Patty Wack. Give the frog a loan.
__44. Another case where the spirit was willing but the flush was weak.
__45. Time's fun when you're having flies.
__46. A fiery 'stead with the spite of Leed, A clout of dust, And a hearty "Buy old Silver"!
__47. It's a rambling rack from George the Turk with an elephant engineer!
__48. All of Hing's courses and all of Ming's ken couldn't get gum tea to feather a hen.
__49. MORAL: Let a swine be your gorilla in a grainy, grainy bay. And if your Swede decries, just tell her that a swine will always pay. . . .
__50. . . . Stilling two birds with one's cone.
__51. General Minh prefer bronze.
__52. With fronds like these, who needs anemones?
__53. Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!
__54. Better Nate than lever.
__55. The hills are alive with the hounds of Munich.
__56. He who has a Tate's is lost.
__57. Artie chokes three for a dollar at local market.
__58. MORAL: A stolen roan gathers no moose.
__59. . . . But actually mah hammered alley is really cashew's clay.
__60. But of course, the Czech is always in the male.
__61. The star mangled spanner.
__62. See! Even adders can multiply on a log table.
__63. MORAL: You can't have your kayak and heat it too.
__64. You fools! We have ways to make you tock!
__65. I don't know, but his face sure rings a bell.
__66. No, I'm a frayed knot.
__67. Because Herman the German was used to hard ships.
__68. I don't know, but he's a dead ringer for his brother.
__69. You're thore!!! I can't even thit!!
__70. She is just suffering from pre-minstrel tension.
__71. Yeast is yeast and nest is next, and never the Maine shall tweet.
__72. He's a typical gnu, and tiler, too.
__73. The furry with the syringe on top.
__74. He's not the rigger Mort is.
__75. I don't know. Am I my blubber's kipper?
__76. It's the Moron Tab or an Apple Choir.
__77. The trill of Vicar Rhee in the agony of the feet.
__78. The Koahla tea of Mercy is not strained.
__79. It was the bottom of the Ninth, the basses were loaded, and the score was tied.
__80. Lucy in the dye with Simons.
__81. It was the beast of Thames, it was the wurst of Thames.
__82. Making him the first to wire a head for a reservation.
__83. that has nothing to do with it, he is just a poor conductor.
__84. Everyone knows. . . Tarzan Stripes Forever
__85. Your father's pre-ministerial syndrome caused his premature "Hey Jack, you're late, son."
__86. Lou Slips, Sinks Ships.
__87. You can take a hearse to water, but you can't make it sink.
__88. The moral of the story: Don't put all your Basques into one exit.
__89. Ah, sweet Mr. Rhee of Life, at last I've found you!
__90. There's Manny, asleep between the Cub and the Lip.
__91. Give my big hearts to Maude, Duane. / Dismember me for Harold's choir. / Tell all the Foys on Sortibackenstrete / That I will soon be there. (Hint: think of Isaac Asimov's "Death of a Foy.")
__92. Am I Mike Carruthers' beeper?
__93. That was the day the fit hit the Shan.
__94. The White Man's Peak with Forked Tong.
__95. It's a feat to keep your seat on the vicious hippy mutt.
__96. Booty is in the "Aye" of the bee holder.
__97. Wait 'til the nun signs, Shelly.
__98. Warning: The searchin' general has determined that smoking ziggurats is hazardous to your stealth.
__99. Bargain dogs don't bite.
__100. A weigh a day keeps the doctor an Apple.
__101. It was the first known instance of using core storage to save registers.
__102. A sink is as good as a tod to a blind Norse.
Scoring: 0 - 10 No danger (healthy)
11 - 25 Minor SPS (recommend therapy)
26 - 40 Moderate SPS (recommend gag)
41 - 52 Punster — Major SPS (recommend tongue removal)
more than 53 Paronomisiac — Extreme SPS (recommend lobotomy).
S
Scrappy
Guest
Ok my head hurts now!