Bad Date Story Nothing More

[GURPS]

On Saturday, Babe ran a reported piece by Katie Way detailing anonymous allegations by a photographer who had an awkward and terrible intimate evening with comedian Aziz Ansari. According to the article, Ansari asked her to dinner; they went; he asked her back to his apartment; she acquiesced. They got undressed, Ansari said he would grab a condom, and the woman objected, saying, “Whoa, let’s relax for a sec, let’s chill.”

[clip]

This piece never should have been printed. It’s essentially a bad Penthouse diary entry. Here’s the reality: nothing in the piece suggests that Ansari took advantage of this woman. He seems like a jerk, but she acquiesced to performing oral sex not once but twice; no physical force was alleged at any time. She never attempted to leave, and when she did, he called an Uber for her.

Obviously, this woman perceived the situation differently than Ansari — but there is no evidence that Ansari did anything here that she openly rejected, and that he then persisted in doing. This is a bad date story, and a bad sex story, but it’s not rape and it’s not sexual assault by any legal definition. It’s absurd to think that given her own story, Ansari should have read her mind and believed she wasn’t having a good time. She may have thought she was sending “non-verbal cues,” but there is literally no way for readers to tell whether that is true or not. And when she gave verbal cues, he followed them.

This is where the #MeToo movement has gone off the rails. Men sometimes do terrible things. But suggesting that men are also supposed to define women’s agency for them — that they’re supposed to make the call for the women, and that they’re supposed to perform like Carnac the Magnificent during sexual encounters, is ridiculous. It undermines our ability to fight actual bad actors. And it destroys the credibility of women who really do have evil activity to allege.



Absurd Accusations Against Aziz Ansari Completely Undermine The #MeToo Movement

 

[GURPS]

Ansari never forced Grace to do anything. He pursued her; he tried to seduce her, but he did not prevent her from leaving nor did he physically impose himself upon her. She could have exited the situation at any time but she did not. She could have kept her clothes on but she took them off. She could have declined to perform sex acts on him but she performed them anyway. Twice.

She did give “non-verbal cues”: She gave a cue when she got naked in a strange man’s house. She gave a cue when she began kissing him. She gave a cue when she performed oral sex on him. She gave a cue every moment that she stayed there instead of using her perfectly functional legs to get up and leave. Most importantly, she gave a cue when she came back to his apartment in the first place. She does not strike me as a sheltered woman. She must have known that a man does not invite you back to his apartment on a first date because he wants to play Scrabble. And, if you did think Scrabble was on the agenda, you ought to have realized otherwise as soon as he started taking off his pants.

Of course, none of this gives a man license to physically force himself on a woman. But they are cues, signals, and if you’re relying on a man to pick up on your cues, you may want to consider all of the cues you’re actually giving. Your annoyed facial expression may be an “I don’t want to do this” cue, but the fact that you are naked in his living room is a cue of its own. A man, even a reasonable (if not gentlemanly) one, may argue that the latter cue is far more noticeable and compelling than the former. At the very least, they are conflicting. Which means, rather than relying on the guy to solve the puzzle, you may have to resort to verbal communication. “I am not going to do this,” you could say, and then leave.

Grace felt violated after the fact. I don’t blame her for that. I blame her for seeking revenge by publishing intimate details of a clearly consensual encounter, but her feelings of emptiness and vulnerability are perfectly warranted. She was indeed violated, but she was complicit in the violation. That is the nature of casual sex. The two partners violate each other. A man uses a woman’s body for his own selfish ends, and the woman allows it, and reciprocates by using the man for her own purposes. If either wakes up feeling depressed the next day, it’s because they regret participating in such a degrading and humiliating exchange. The regret is real, and can be crushing, but it does not retroactively turn the events of the previous evening into rape. The sex remains what it was when you willingly participated in it: self-centered, dehumanizing, shallow, soulless, and, yes, consensual.

https://www.dailywire.com/news/25874/walsh-ridiculous-sex-assault-allegations-against-matt-walsh

 

[GURPS]

Then when you agree to a date – bravo for at least having a date rather than the modern “Let’s sorta hang out maybe” thing that’s apparently a thing – you meet him at…his place? Okay, why are you letting him treat you like someone who comes over to his place to please him? If he won’t come get you, or meet you somewhere for your first date, disqualify him.

“But,” you might protest. “I am a powerful, empowered woman of grrlpower and I should be able to meet a man at his place!”

You sure can. You can do whatever you want. It’s just a bad idea and you should demand to be treated better.

So, you are at his place and he serves you red wine instead of white. First, guys, ask the lady what she wants. Try to show some class. But ladies, if you don’t like red wine, don’t drink it then complain later because you drank it.

Once you eat and go back to his place, don’t go back to his place. Stop. That indicates that you may be interested in being at his place, and all that entails. He sure hopes it does, so you are already dealing with a guy with expectations – which he has whether that’s feminist-approved or not. Instead of keeping your differing expectations to yourself, share them. Tell him, and do not do what you don’t want to do.

Grace babbled about “non-verbal cues.” But what she was doing seemed to be pretty unequivocal non-verbal cues themselves.

Yes, saying “No” clearly and unequivocally may cause him to not like you. He may decide to seek more accommodating companions. That’s the risk you take. Fair? Nope. And?

Act like an adult. Say what you want, and don’t do what you don’t want. Your life will be immeasurably better.



https://townhall.com/columnists/kur...-ladies-in-this-very-very-stupid-era-n2437684

 

[PeoplesElbow]

Geez why can't she do what women have been doing for a long time, say "yes I blew him and he has the smallest penis I've ever seen".

 

[GURPS]

One of my mother’s famous quotes was about sexual harassment. She said, “Non-criminal sexual harassment on the job is not a problem for the virtuous woman, except in the rarest of cases.”

The term “virtuous” may be old-fashioned, but what my mother meant was that a strong woman with moral standards would no more flirt with her male boss than she would accept a quid pro quo. A professional woman of strong character is simply less of a threat to sexual predators than one who dresses provocatively, is desperate to get ahead, and is willing to do what it takes to get there.

Feminists sell the notion that their ideology is all about empowering women. But the women who reject feminism are the ones who embody female strength. Why? Because they refuse to be victims.

“The feminist movement is not about success for women,” my mother said more than once. “It’s about treating women as victims and about telling women you can’t succeed because society is unfair to you, and I think that’s a very unfortunate idea to put in the minds of young women because I believe women can do whatever they want.”

Feminism Teaches Women to Be Weak

This message was, at one time, supported by the culture. As Caitlin Flanagan explains about growing up in the 1970s in her recent article in The Atlantic, “In so many ways, compared with today’s young women, we were weak. But as far as getting away from a man who was trying to pressure us into sex we didn’t want, we were strong.”

In contrast, modern women are weak. “Sometimes ‘yes’ means ‘no,’ simply because it is easier to go through with it than explain our way out of the situation,” writes Jessica Bennett in The New York Times. If that’s not proof feminism has failed, I don’t know what is.



http://thefederalist.com/2018/01/31/feminism-takes-away-womens-power-say-no-predators/