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"LYNDHURST, N.J. — Diane Fenton of Little Ferry, N.J., says she was one of the more fortunate among the mothers who have seen their soldier sons and daughters march off to war and return in a coffin.
She was able to hold her son’s hand and hug him before he died.
Marine Sgt. Matthew Fenton, a husky 24-year-old horribly wounded in Iraq, lay on life support at a Naval hospital in Bethesda, Md., in 2006 surrounded by loved ones. There would be no miracle recovery.
And so, after a weeklong vigil, they cried as Diane Fenton gave doctors permission to take him off life support.
“I would like to think that Matthew knew we were all there,” Fenton said.
But other than having had that chance to say goodbye, Fenton shares all the other aspects of heartache faced by mothers like herself.
So it’s been a great comfort to join the Gold Star Mothers, made up of women who have lost sons or daughters in Iraq and Afghanistan. “It’s been very helpful,” Fenton said.
The American Gold Star Mothers was founded in 1928 as a support group by a woman who lost her son in World War I.
In New Jersey alone, there are 100 members in Gold Star Mothers chapters, 90 percent of them mothers of soldiers killed in Iraq or Afghanistan.
What makes it different from other military-memorial organizations is that there are no rigid meeting schedules, no formal counseling sessions.
Mothers, most in their 40s to early 50s, get together informally, whenever one feels the need to reach out, especially on the anniversary of a child’s death.
And true to the Gold Star credo, it is not a weepy group — they just agree there will be sudden moments when they simply need one another’s support.
“When one is having a bad day, we’ll call each other,” said Shirley Parrello of West Milford, N.J., whose son, Marine Lance Cpl. Brian Parrello, 19, was killed in Al Anbar province in Iraq on Jan. 1, 2005.
“You are able to share things with them you can’t really share with anybody else, because they understand. I feel comfortable being with military people because they get it.” "
"LYNDHURST, N.J. — Diane Fenton of Little Ferry, N.J., says she was one of the more fortunate among the mothers who have seen their soldier sons and daughters march off to war and return in a coffin.
She was able to hold her son’s hand and hug him before he died.
Marine Sgt. Matthew Fenton, a husky 24-year-old horribly wounded in Iraq, lay on life support at a Naval hospital in Bethesda, Md., in 2006 surrounded by loved ones. There would be no miracle recovery.
And so, after a weeklong vigil, they cried as Diane Fenton gave doctors permission to take him off life support.
“I would like to think that Matthew knew we were all there,” Fenton said.
But other than having had that chance to say goodbye, Fenton shares all the other aspects of heartache faced by mothers like herself.
So it’s been a great comfort to join the Gold Star Mothers, made up of women who have lost sons or daughters in Iraq and Afghanistan. “It’s been very helpful,” Fenton said.
The American Gold Star Mothers was founded in 1928 as a support group by a woman who lost her son in World War I.
In New Jersey alone, there are 100 members in Gold Star Mothers chapters, 90 percent of them mothers of soldiers killed in Iraq or Afghanistan.
What makes it different from other military-memorial organizations is that there are no rigid meeting schedules, no formal counseling sessions.
Mothers, most in their 40s to early 50s, get together informally, whenever one feels the need to reach out, especially on the anniversary of a child’s death.
And true to the Gold Star credo, it is not a weepy group — they just agree there will be sudden moments when they simply need one another’s support.
“When one is having a bad day, we’ll call each other,” said Shirley Parrello of West Milford, N.J., whose son, Marine Lance Cpl. Brian Parrello, 19, was killed in Al Anbar province in Iraq on Jan. 1, 2005.
“You are able to share things with them you can’t really share with anybody else, because they understand. I feel comfortable being with military people because they get it.” "
