kwillia
n/a
Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right.
Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence.
I had amnesia once - maybe twice.
Originality is the art of concealing your sources.
Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy.
Wear a watch and you'll always know what time it is. Wear two watches and you'll never be sure.
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?
Birthdays are good for you - the more you have the longer you live.
If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
If you think you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
The Dark Ages was caused by the Y1K problem.
A fool and his money can throw one hell of a party.
When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
I'm busier than a one-legged Riverdancer.
Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
The statement following is true. The statement prior is false.
He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.
I was happier than a kitten with a Q-tip.
He was more tense than Jesse Jackson on Father's Day.
Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
If you think there is good in everybody then you obviously haven't met everybody.
All power corrupts. Absolute power is pretty neat, though.
If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're built upside down.
Here I am! What are your other two wishes?
Remember: First you pillage then you burn.
You chatter more than a dolphin by a fish bucket.:luvUJabbaMeanit:
You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. :luvUDemsnawnotreally:
I intend to live forever - so far so good.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence.
I had amnesia once - maybe twice.
Originality is the art of concealing your sources.
Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy.
Wear a watch and you'll always know what time it is. Wear two watches and you'll never be sure.
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?
Birthdays are good for you - the more you have the longer you live.
If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
If you think you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
The Dark Ages was caused by the Y1K problem.
A fool and his money can throw one hell of a party.
When blondes have more fun, do they know it?
I'm busier than a one-legged Riverdancer.
Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
The statement following is true. The statement prior is false.
He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.
I was happier than a kitten with a Q-tip.
He was more tense than Jesse Jackson on Father's Day.
Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
If you think there is good in everybody then you obviously haven't met everybody.
All power corrupts. Absolute power is pretty neat, though.
If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're built upside down.
Here I am! What are your other two wishes?
Remember: First you pillage then you burn.
You chatter more than a dolphin by a fish bucket.:luvUJabbaMeanit:
You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. :luvUDemsnawnotreally:
I intend to live forever - so far so good.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
