Campground tips for newbies

[Monello]

Get up before dawn and cook a couple of pounds of bacon. Once it's cooked, go around to each rig and knock on the door offering them some bacon from the bacon fairy. Say it in a wacky British accent. Wear a silly hat or PJs with the built in socks for added foolishness. Save the grease in case someone needs to lube their levelers.

 

[Monello]

Put some dried parsley and some powdered sugar in zip lock bags. When new campers arrive go over to their sites and hold up the bags. Announce that you have some of the good stuff and ask them if they would like some. If by chance law enforcement should show up, eat the sugar when they arrive. Toss the parsley baggie in the campfire. Answer any questions they ask you in your best Spicoli voice. Hitting yourself with your sneaker is optional

 

[Monello]

If you arrive early and the spot next to you is vacant, run some crime scene tape around the front and back of the site. Tell anyone that asks that Officer Fife is waiting for CSI to show up and to not disturb the crime scene.

 

[Monello]

Fill your cupboards with packing foam peanuts. This will prevent items from shifting while driving. When you get to your campground, the styrofoam can be put into a heavy duty trash bag and used as a bean bag chair.

 

[Monello]

When you meet someone new in the campground, if you want to remember their name, sing the name song when they introduce themselves. For examples you meet Shirley, sing this song: Shirley, Shirley Bo-ber-ley, bo-na-na fanna Fo-fer-ley. fee fi mo-mer-ley, Shirley. Sing it each time you meet them as this will commit it to memory.

 

[Sneakers]

 

[Monello]

Tell your doctor that work is stressing you out. Your only solace is in camping. Get the doc to declare your RV as an emotional support vehicle. Campgrounds can't deny you a space even if they are full or if your rig is over 10 years old. It's the law.

 

[Monello]

Get yourself a catch phrase that is unique to you. Something like shazam or bazinga but personalize it. If someone asks how you are, reply pumpernickel or tuttifrutti. If they ask you where your next stop is, say your catch phrase. You will become known as the pumpernickel guy or the tuttifrutti lady. People will blog about you and you will become internet famous.

 

[Monello]

Peanut butter is a great natural lubricant. Place generous amounts on your levelers, slideouts and other hinges on your rig. Do this as soon as your arrive at that deep woods campsite. In any national park make sure you use organic peanut butter. Nutella is a suitable substitute. Also invest in a good trail camera.