Note to Dan Snyder:
Dear Dan,
I'll not be calling anyone younger than myself 'sir' or 'Mr' anytime in the foreseeable future. Now, on to more important matters, winning football games.
As we all know there is a special thing about pro sports that transcends coaching and talent; I speak of 'chemistry'. Simply put, I, by attending games, provide that crucial missing ingredient. To wit, the NY football Giants and MinneSODA Vikings can attest to my powers.
We live in a world that celebrated pet rocks, chia pets and rubix cubes and now consume fake reality shows like they are Doritios and we're all stoned, so, let us not too readily dismiss the inate powers of my claim. We win when I am there, therefore I am.
We have the highest player payroll, the highest paid coaching staff and the highest paid head coach. We, logically, should have the highest paid talisman. As far as faith and return on investment, take Mark Brunnel, please. I am cheap insurance by comparison...and I work.
I am the real deal, the missing link, the 'aura'.
I shall require 12 season passes (and no, I don't do pre-season) that allow me and my posse to sit where I feel the need and the 'force' is most needed. This can and must be anywhere in the stadium save the nosebleeds. I don't do binoculars either.
In any event, I await my tickets and remember (2 purple parking passes as well), the team you help is as much mine as yours and I stand ready and able to do my part.
Hail, Victory,
Vraihubby