rack'm
Jaded
1. A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down
the aisle, he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd. While
facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it
went-step, step, ROAR; step, step, ROAR; all the way down the aisle.
As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by
the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing the child
sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."
2. One Sunday in a Midwest City, a young child was "acting up" during
the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some
sense of order in the pew, but were losing the battle. Finally, the
father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle.
On his way out just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little
one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"
3. One particular four-year-old prayed, "And forgive us our trash
baskets, as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
4. A little boy was overhead praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a
better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I
am."
5. A Sunday School teacher asked her little children, as they were on
their way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in
church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are
sleeping."
6. The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he
preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord
as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and
nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and
jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and
whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"
7. Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting
together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally,
his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud
in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed
to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the
door? They're hushers."
8. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you
know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I
asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old." He replied.
9. A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was
becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then, one day, she floored her
grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? The
Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"
10. I had been teaching my three-year-old daughter, Caitlin, The
Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat after me
the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened
with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end
of the prayer "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us
some E-mail. Amen."
11. A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan,
3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their
mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting
here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can
wait.'" Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be
Jesus."
12. A Sunday School class was studying the Ten Commandments. They
were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell
her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou
shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife."
the aisle, he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd. While
facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it
went-step, step, ROAR; step, step, ROAR; all the way down the aisle.
As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by
the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing the child
sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."
2. One Sunday in a Midwest City, a young child was "acting up" during
the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some
sense of order in the pew, but were losing the battle. Finally, the
father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle.
On his way out just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little
one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"
3. One particular four-year-old prayed, "And forgive us our trash
baskets, as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
4. A little boy was overhead praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a
better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I
am."
5. A Sunday School teacher asked her little children, as they were on
their way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in
church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are
sleeping."
6. The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he
preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord
as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and
nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and
jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and
whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"
7. Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting
together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally,
his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud
in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed
to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the
door? They're hushers."
8. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you
know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I
asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old." He replied.
9. A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was
becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then, one day, she floored her
grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? The
Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"
10. I had been teaching my three-year-old daughter, Caitlin, The
Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat after me
the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened
with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end
of the prayer "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us
some E-mail. Amen."
11. A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan,
3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their
mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting
here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can
wait.'" Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be
Jesus."
12. A Sunday School class was studying the Ten Commandments. They
were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell
her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou
shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife."
