Choosing what "letters to the editor' to run...

[Larry Gude]

Amidst all the hoopla and fanfare of the TexasPete for President announcement and attendent news conferences, parades, baby kissing, issuing of policy statements followed closely and predictably by policy statement clarifications and along with well desereved media talking head hogging, I'd like us all to not lose sight of the smaller picture; letters to the editor by stupid people.

That's right. How do stupid letters get so far, unchallenged, by the way?

To wit: One person in the Post today says that aircraft scares, such as the one the other day, occur at the rate of three a day. Three a day? Now, we're stuck taking this at face value. I ain't heard of no three a day. I mean, it was a pretty big deal around here (especially in Cowtown Frederick) and I don't think it would have been a pretty big deal had it been happening at the rate of three a day. So this guy goes on to propose DC do as 'progressive' cities are doing and ban aircraft over-flights and that DC should follow suit as this is only prudent in this age of terror and turn Reagan/National into a park. We'll also benefit, enormously, from noise and pollution reduction. I guess because nobody will jump in a car to go to another airport?

The second letter is wondering what it cost to evacuate The White House, Congress and the Supreme court. He seems to think there is something unfair that the Georgia Runaway bride is in trouble for causing all that money to be spent looking for her and yet these two pilots get questioned and released.

Now, instead of boring you with my take on these two letters I offer TexasPete the opportunity to take the stage and address the issues of the day:

When to turn things into parks in the name of Homeland Defense, aka "the Green Solution" to not getting Jihad'ed?

And, perhaps more importantly and closer to home (I have possibly three weddings on my horizon) how much should runaway brides be charged, if anything at all, for running away?

Without much more ado:

Gentlemen?

 

[Sharon]

And, perhaps more importantly and closer to home (I have possibly three weddings on my horizon) how much should runaway brides be charged, if anything at all, for running away?

Make them pay in advance ...with a "tough tutti-fruiti" clause if they reneg.

 

[Larry Gude]

So, perhaps runaway bride insurance?

Make them pay in advance.

Certainly by 'them' you don't mean the daddy's, right?

 

[FromTexas]

Now, instead of boring you with my take on these two letters I offer TexasPete the opportunity to take the stage and address the issues of the day:

When to turn things into parks in the name of Homeland Defense, aka "the Green Solution" to not getting Jihad'ed?

And, perhaps more importantly and closer to home (I have possibly three weddings on my horizon) how much should runaway brides be charged, if anything at all, for running away?

Without much more ado:

Gentlemen?

Letters such as these are the pervue of my running mate. I defer to his expertise in such wholesome matters.

 

[Pete]

Dear Sir,

I would like to thank you for you intriguing letter about Reagan National and your “Green solution”. I am sure you were certain you were holding your latte with a kung- foo grip to keep it form spilling when I began my assault. Rest your sandal clad feet, for I agree with you. As your Vice President I want you to know that the safety of the citizens, their children and grandchildren are one of my most sincere and solemn duties. Your suggestion about turning Reagan National into a park showed great foresight and economy of thought. Aircraft flying willy nilly unabated over schools, hospitals and homes cannot be a good thing. I fear it is only the tip of the iceberg.
Do you realize that the United States has hundreds of thousands of miles of coastline? In our early years as a nation cities were erected right on the coast to facilitate commerce. What seemed like a good thing in days of old has long been deemed obsolete and in fact has left us extremely vulnerable to attack. Now York City alone has millions of residents all within RPG range of terrorists in a Bass Boat. For this reason I would like to announce the newest proposal of our administration for Homeland Security. The President and I call it “Operation heartland.”
Do you realize that we have a plethora of under inhabited land located safely away from the oceans and bays? What our administration proposes is quite simple; we will relocate every city, town, and hamlet that lies within 400 miles of the coast or coastal waterways. Each one of these population centers will be recreated to exact detail in the heartland of our nation. The new NYC will now be located where Paducah, KY now lies, New Boston will be where Cleveland used to be and so on. The upper peninsula of Michigan will be broken up and be the new Maine, New Hampshire and Vermont.
The abandoned land will be replanted with pine trees and other native species and will be called the “Green Zone”. This initiative is a reasonable solution to several problems. First, it will create millions and millions of acres of green space. Second, it will create a buffer zone between us and the nautical super highway for terrorist. It will save fuel because the old trip from New York to Chicago that used to take 22 hours by truck will now take just 5.
Again I think you for your suggestion and would like you to know that our administration listens to the little guy, even those who wear tin foil hats and speak to aliens through the stir stick of their mocha caramel latte.


Sincerely,

Pete

Future Vice President of the United States

 

[Pete]

Dear Sir,

Thank you for your provocative letter attempting to draw a similarity to a nutso chic from Georgia with Camaro hair and the evacuation of the Capital and the White house because a general aviation plane lost orientation and ventured into restricted airspace.

First I would like to lay a foundation before I delve into the issue too deeply. Webster’s defines and “Mistake” as; “to blunder in the choice of”. To further clarify by using it in a sentence; “Early in your adolescence you father knew he had made a horrible mistake.” Webster’s defines “premeditated” as “to think about and revolve in the mind beforehand.” Again I will use it in a sentence “When your father drove away and left you in the gas station bathroom on the family vacation back in 1981 it was not a mistake at all, it was a premeditated act”.

Now that the foundation is set allow me to walk you through this. The pilots of the general aviation aircraft made a mistake, an error. I am sure they were mortified to look out the window and see F-16’s outside their window much like you would be looking out the window of your Prius on the beltway and seeing an M-1A1 tank next to you telling you to pull over. Now while they did cause quite a stir it was unintentional. The run away bride conversely premeditated her get away, then when discovered she lied. She knew her disappearance would likely cause great upheaval and she went through with it anyway.

Now, I would ask you to ponder the thought that while it did cost some money to evacuate the Capital and the White House, it is all cool now because Nancy Pellosi got her shoe back.


Sincerely,

Pete

Future Vice President of the United States

 

[vraiblonde]

Texas Pete in 2008!

 

[Larry Gude]

Too wordy...

Dear Sir,

Thank you....blah blah...Nancy Pellosi got her shoe back.


Sincerely,

Pete

Future Vice President of the United States

Now is the time to get your stump speech down to sound bite size.

 

[FromTexas]

Now is the time to get your stump speech down to sound bite size.

We are saddened by the loss of Larry to the SPONGE camp and hope we win him back over during the white t-shirt contest fundraiser.

 

[2ndAmendment]

Shouldn't all of this k r a p be in Chit Chat? Just a thought.

 

[FromTexas]

Shouldn't all of this k r a p be in Chit Chat? Just a thought.

The discussion had arisen, once again, about who would be the actual contenders in 2008. Saying we are going to run in 2008 is just about as good a guess as saying it will definitely be Hillary, Condi, Jack Black, or Elvis. It isn't even the end of 05 yet.

Satire has been used politically for generations.

Besides, it is much more insightful than the discussions of some of our more venomous left winged neighbors. We had a full discussion on foreigners in the U.S. military yesterday, and I bet many here were unaware of the executive order providing them fast track naturalization from alien status if they joined. A little humor never hurts.