M
Mousebaby
Guest
Hot Wax is not our Friend
> CAUTION: Be prepared to laugh out lout...as you could just see
> this happening!
>
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises
> of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and
> now...the wax.
>
> My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix
> dinner,play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring
> painfully in my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.' So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
>
It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of wax,
> you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and
> you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and
> you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I
> mean, I'm not a genius but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure
> this out. (Ya think!?!)
>
> So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing
> each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius
> kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees (cold wax, yeah, right).
>
>
> I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin tight and pull.
>
>
> It works! Okay, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too
> bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-Rah,
> fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin
> extraordinaire.
>
>
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the
> kids, sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship.
>
>
> I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the
> same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my
> bikini line, covering the right half of my 'hoo-hoo' and stretching
> down to the inside of my butt cheek (yes, it was a long strip) I inhale
> deeply and brace myself.....RRRRIIIIIPPPPP!!!!!
>
>
> I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!
> Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off
> half the strip. CRAP!!!!
>
> Another deep breath and RRIIPP!!! Everything is whirly and
> spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums???
>
>
> Breath, breathe...okay, back to normal.
>
>
> I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has
> caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to
> revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the
> strip!
> There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
>
>
> Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I
> see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am
> touching wax.
>
> CRAP!!! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my
> body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
>
>
> DANG!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. 'Hoo hoo'?? sealed
> shut! Butt?? sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying
> to figure out what to do and think to myself, 'please don't let me get
> the urge to poop. My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!!! Hot water melts wax!!
>
>
> I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get
> in, immerse the wax covered bits and the water should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? WRONG!!!!!
>
> I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used
> to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I
> sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued
> together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, does not melt cold wax.
>
>
> So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had
> cement epoxied myself to the porcelain!!!
>
> God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have
> a phone put in the bathroom!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she
> has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter.
>
> 'So, my butt and hoo-hoo are glued together to the bottom of
> the tub!!' There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for
> removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to
> know exactly where the wax is located, 'are we talking cheeks or
> hoo-hoo?'
>
She laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the
> rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH RIGHT!!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.
>
> While we go through various solutions, I resort to scraping the
> wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie
> goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot
> water and then dry shaving the sticky wax off!!!
>
> By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike
> and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling
> for this event.
>
>
> My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
> grace...the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What
> do I really have to loose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY
> GOD!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. IT WORKS!!! It
> works!!!
>
> I get a hearty congratulations from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice
> to my grief and despair...THE HAIR IS STILL THERE...ALL OF IT!!!
>
> So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing
> hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
>
> Next week I'm going to try hair color...now that's funny.
> NOOOOTTT!!!
> CAUTION: Be prepared to laugh out lout...as you could just see
> this happening!
>
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises
> of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and
> now...the wax.
>
> My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix
> dinner,play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring
> painfully in my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.' So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
>
It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of wax,
> you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and
> you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and
> you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I
> mean, I'm not a genius but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure
> this out. (Ya think!?!)
>
> So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing
> each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius
> kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees (cold wax, yeah, right).
>
>
> I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin tight and pull.
>
>
> It works! Okay, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too
> bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-Rah,
> fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin
> extraordinaire.
>
>
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the
> kids, sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship.
>
>
> I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the
> same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my
> bikini line, covering the right half of my 'hoo-hoo' and stretching
> down to the inside of my butt cheek (yes, it was a long strip) I inhale
> deeply and brace myself.....RRRRIIIIIPPPPP!!!!!
>
>
> I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!
> Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off
> half the strip. CRAP!!!!
>
> Another deep breath and RRIIPP!!! Everything is whirly and
> spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums???
>
>
> Breath, breathe...okay, back to normal.
>
>
> I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has
> caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to
> revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the
> strip!
> There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
>
>
> Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I
> see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am
> touching wax.
>
> CRAP!!! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my
> body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
>
>
> DANG!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. 'Hoo hoo'?? sealed
> shut! Butt?? sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying
> to figure out what to do and think to myself, 'please don't let me get
> the urge to poop. My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!!! Hot water melts wax!!
>
>
> I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get
> in, immerse the wax covered bits and the water should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? WRONG!!!!!
>
> I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used
> to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I
> sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued
> together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, does not melt cold wax.
>
>
> So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had
> cement epoxied myself to the porcelain!!!
>
> God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have
> a phone put in the bathroom!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she
> has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter.
>
> 'So, my butt and hoo-hoo are glued together to the bottom of
> the tub!!' There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for
> removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to
> know exactly where the wax is located, 'are we talking cheeks or
> hoo-hoo?'
>
She laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the
> rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH RIGHT!!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.
>
> While we go through various solutions, I resort to scraping the
> wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie
> goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot
> water and then dry shaving the sticky wax off!!!
>
> By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike
> and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling
> for this event.
>
>
> My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
> grace...the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What
> do I really have to loose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY
> GOD!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. IT WORKS!!! It
> works!!!
>
> I get a hearty congratulations from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice
> to my grief and despair...THE HAIR IS STILL THERE...ALL OF IT!!!
>
> So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing
> hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
>
> Next week I'm going to try hair color...now that's funny.
> NOOOOTTT!!!
This wasn't about me, but thanks for the info! 
