as headlined to the tune of bad '70s and '80s popular song titles:
U CAN'T TOUCH THIS (HAMMER TIME)
In Farmington, Mo., a 28-year-old woman, in court facing a drug charge, was also charged with theft after she stole several items from the court, including the judge's gavel, on her way out of the courtroom.
FEELS LIKE THE FIRST TIME
In Milwaukee, Wis., a bank robber wrote his holdup note on the back of his probation papers, which noted he was on probation for bank robbery.
DOOFUS du jour
A woman planning to burn down her house for the insurance money in Greensburg, Pa., removed almost all of her furniture, a TV, clothes and several large appliances and covered them with a protective tarp in her back yard before setting the house on fire.
SLOW RIDE
In Butler, Pa., Joel Crytzer, 63, was charged with marijuana possession when officers spotted the drug on the floor of his car, which they had stopped because Crytzer had been cruising down he road, seemingly oblivious to the fact that his car had only three tires.
MOVING IN STEREO
On Long Island, N.Y., a man who stole a TV, an MP3 player, a desktop computer and a phone from an electronics store returned a few days later to return the TV, the MP3 player, the desktop computer and the phone for a refund.
WHAT A FOOL BELIEVES
An Atlanta woman with counterfeit bills she wanted to pass went to a grocery store and attempted to pay for goods by mixing the counterfeit bills in with some real cash. When a clerk noticed that some of the bills were fake the woman fled, leaving all the cash behind. Upon returning home, she had her boyfriend call the police and ask if they could come by the station and claim the money she'd left behind that wasn't fake. The cops said, "Sure," and the two were arrested when they arrived at the police station.
U CAN'T TOUCH THIS (HAMMER TIME)
In Farmington, Mo., a 28-year-old woman, in court facing a drug charge, was also charged with theft after she stole several items from the court, including the judge's gavel, on her way out of the courtroom.
FEELS LIKE THE FIRST TIME
In Milwaukee, Wis., a bank robber wrote his holdup note on the back of his probation papers, which noted he was on probation for bank robbery.
DOOFUS du jour
A woman planning to burn down her house for the insurance money in Greensburg, Pa., removed almost all of her furniture, a TV, clothes and several large appliances and covered them with a protective tarp in her back yard before setting the house on fire.
SLOW RIDE
In Butler, Pa., Joel Crytzer, 63, was charged with marijuana possession when officers spotted the drug on the floor of his car, which they had stopped because Crytzer had been cruising down he road, seemingly oblivious to the fact that his car had only three tires.
MOVING IN STEREO
On Long Island, N.Y., a man who stole a TV, an MP3 player, a desktop computer and a phone from an electronics store returned a few days later to return the TV, the MP3 player, the desktop computer and the phone for a refund.
WHAT A FOOL BELIEVES
An Atlanta woman with counterfeit bills she wanted to pass went to a grocery store and attempted to pay for goods by mixing the counterfeit bills in with some real cash. When a clerk noticed that some of the bills were fake the woman fled, leaving all the cash behind. Upon returning home, she had her boyfriend call the police and ask if they could come by the station and claim the money she'd left behind that wasn't fake. The cops said, "Sure," and the two were arrested when they arrived at the police station.
They are all equally dumb.