Prepare to don your tinfoil caps in astonishment. You probably thought the week had already delivered its full payload and couldnât possibly get any more interesting. But another shipment has unexpectedly arrived. You ask, how could 2024, in a single week, beat the miraculous physical and political comeback of Donald J. Trump and the historic civil war tearing apart the Democrat party? Haha! Amateurs. Thereâs lots more. Let us begin with the news of how most of the worldâs computers became useless, blue-screened bricks overnight. (I didnât notice right away; I use Mac.) Bloomberg yesterday:
The sinking of the worldâs computers was just the icy tip of the conspiracy theory iceberg. Wait till you get a load of this.
But first, letâs get up to speed on yesterdayâs developments. As it happens, this time, I am a software expert. I put myself through college writing custom software, a lucrative pastime I started when I was twelve, greatly annoying my parents, who wished I would get outside more and quit asking for nerdy computer gear. It is true that, now Iâm a lawyer, itâs been a while since I coded anything, but I still know my way around the premises.
Google Whistleblower and senior developer Zach Voorhies yesterday posted the CrowdStrike crash error log, which can be easily found in internal computer files if you know where to look. And then Zach diagnosed the error, which appears to be the most basic kind of C++ programming mistake, something like lazily leaving a metal fork on the plate when you slide it into the microwave.
Iâll spare you the details, but for our tech-savvy readers, hereâs the link to Zachâs diagnostic post. The gist was that the error pushed by the so-called âGlobal IT Securityâ company bringing down the worldâs critical infrastructure was so basic that it tends to suggest either grotesque, DEI-levels of incompetence or intentionality.
With that in mind, now consider the following timeline.
On July 25th, 2019 âtwo years into Trumpâs presidency and almost five years ago to the dayâ President Trump held his fateful call with Ukraineâs not-so-funny President Zelensky. The call is best known for Trumpâs request for Zelensky to investigate the Biden crime familyâs crooked business in that corrupt country, which caused the deep state to freak out and kick off the historic impeachment lawfare.
But that wasnât all. Behold, yesterdayâs Economic Timesâ headline, already connecting the dots:
Thatâs right. Trump not only asked Zelensky about Bidenâs business in Ukraine, but he also asked about CrowdStrikeâs secret file servers which were located there, secured from meddling US law enforcement. Thereâs too much to get into here, but hereâs a snapshot in President Trumpâs own words:
CLIP: In 2019, President Trump described the CrowdStrike-Ukraine connection on Fox & Friends (0:57).
But wait, thereâs more. Yesterday, one day after Trump officially became the Republican Partyâs presidential nominee, and the same day that CrowdStrike cocked-up the world, President Trump and Martial Law Administrator Zelensky enjoyed a widely publicized but private phone call. From this morningâs Kyiv Post:
NBC Trump, Ukraine's Zelenskyy spoke by phone Friday.
Letâs be honest, the Kyiv Post is the official organ of the Ukrainian government. There was no record of the callâs contents, but the article reported that Zelensky was very kind to President Trump, congratulating him on his nomination and expressing sympathy for his near-death experience, and then reported the former comedian was suddenly and unexpectedly ready to âwork withâ President Trump:
It is difficult to read those paragraphs as anything besides a quiet Trump endorsement and another slam on Joe Bidenâs battered brainstem.
Yesterday, media widely described the CrowdStrike error as a âhistoric global outageâ and as the largest and most destructive computer bug in history. CrowdStrike is toast. Many articles reported that many businesses have still not recovered, raising the highly awkward question of whether CrowdStrikeâs antivirus cure is worse than the viral disease.
This is very bad news for CrowdStrike. Itâs an open question how the company can survive. More importantly, CrowdStrike used to enjoy comprehensive anonymity and was able to operate behind the scenes on almost every Windows computer on the planet with nobody watching. But not any more.
And so, it begins. Yesterday, as if on cue, Elon Musk announced his companies were ditching the âglobal securityâ service, widely reported in media like Bloomberg.
CrowdStrikeâs software is everywhere. Including embedded in many U.S. voting systems. Arizonaâs Maricopa County, which is amidst early voting, reported polling place outages related to the CrowdStrike bungle, raising metric tons of questions about election security, internet connectedness, and so forth:
Remember, we are still in the âfiguring out what happenedâ phase. We have not even begun to discuss the âwhat should we do nextâ part. Unless the company gets saved by some kind of unimaginable miracle, CrowdStrike appears to be on the chopping block.
Letâs recap the timeline:
â July 25th, 2019: Trump calls Zelensky to ask about CrowdStrike.
â December 18th, 2019: first articles of impeachment filed.
â (2020-2024: The Wilderness Years.)
â July 18th, 2024: Trump accepts the Republican nomination (which means he can now legally talk to foreign leaders).
â July 19th, 2024: CrowdStrike makes a mistake that could end the company.
â July 19th, 2024: Trump calls Zelensky again. Kyiv boosts Trump.
Those are all established facts. Zelensky, Ukraine, and CrowdStrike bookend the timeline. It seems like Trump is picking up right where he left off, with a nail in CrowdStrikeâs forehead framing the conversation. Iâm not speculating about anything. But it is unlikely, to say the least, that this series of coincidences could possibly be unrelated.
So. It might be a conspiracy. But if so, it could be the good kind.
âïž BUT WAIT, THEREâS MORE â Saturday, July 20, 2024 â C&C NEWS đŠ
You thought the week couldn't get any more mind-blowing? Just wait. Today: turbo cancer, cancerous computer companies, and hyper-ironic roosting deep-state chickens.
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