Daycare Guilt

[pelers]

I am feeling so guilty right now. I currently have the kiddos with a home daycare provider, oldest has been there for over two years now. She's a wonderful lady and I love her to death, but I'm looking at getting the boy enrolled in preschool when he turns three.

Just feeling really guilty.

 

[kwillia]

I am feeling so guilty right now. I currently have the kiddos with a home daycare provider, oldest has been there for over two years now. She's a wonderful lady and I love her to death, but I'm looking at getting the boy enrolled in preschool when he turns three.

Just feeling really guilty.

Why are you in a hurry to get him enrolled in a preschool so young? :shrug: He will do just as well in school if you wait another year...:shrug:

 

[pelers]

Why are you in a hurry to get him enrolled in a preschool so young? :shrug: He will do just as well in school if you wait another year...:shrug:

I thought three was standard for preschool? I don't know, I'm so on the fence. Feeling very about everything.

I worry that he doesn't interact well with kids his own age. Honestly, he doesn't interact at all with them, just ignores them or screeches if they try to touch him. There aren't any kids his age at his daycare, they are mostly school age kids. I try to get him out to playgroups with other kids of similar age, but schedules can be tough. Most of my friends with kids his age are stay-at-home, so they want to spend their evenings/weekends with family and those are my free times.

I dunno, I want to do the best I can for him. I'm still just trying to figure out what exactly that is.

 

[dontknowwhy]

I have found that daily azz whoopins helps to desensitize a parent's guilty feelings.
Plus it helps to build strong character...and glute muscles... in kids

 

[JeJeTe]

I thought three was standard for preschool? I don't know, I'm so on the fence. Feeling very about everything.

I worry that he doesn't interact well with kids his own age. Honestly, he doesn't interact at all with them, just ignores them or screeches if they try to touch him. There aren't any kids his age at his daycare, they are mostly school age kids. I try to get him out to playgroups with other kids of similar age, but schedules can be tough. Most of my friends with kids his age are stay-at-home, so they want to spend their evenings/weekends with family and those are my free times.

I dunno, I want to do the best I can for him. I'm still just trying to figure out what exactly that is.

At 3, I don't think kids get the concept of "playing together". I don't know about preschool ages. My kid went to pre-k at 4 and he did well. :shrug:

Put your guilt aside and do what you deep down feel is best for your kid.

 

[kwillia]

With each year comes more maturity. Giving him another year for him to mature won't be detrimental to him and in fact may even benefit him because he will be a year older and a year more mature when he gets put into an environment where he'll be expected to learn and demonstrate social skills. What month was he born? If he is a late year baby... September on... than you need to remember though he may be the same calendar age at some point as a kid born in let's say February... he is really many months behind in physical, mental and emotional maturity. I am a firm supporter of parents who hold "late year" children back a bit and start them in the school system what some may consider to be "a year late". What you are doing is setting your kid up for better success because he would then become one of the older if not the oldest in his class rather than on the younger end. I found that even a span of a few months made a huge difference in the maturity level... especially with boys.

My advice is don't rush him. Him starting school older means he'll catch on quicker so he'd be up to speed with those who started younger in no time. I think it does a kid more harm to rush them in the growing process than it does good.

Does that make sense?

 

[libertytyranny]

I thought three was standard for preschool? I don't know, I'm so on the fence. Feeling very about everything.

I worry that he doesn't interact well with kids his own age. Honestly, he doesn't interact at all with them, just ignores them or screeches if they try to touch him. There aren't any kids his age at his daycare, they are mostly school age kids. I try to get him out to playgroups with other kids of similar age, but schedules can be tough. Most of my friends with kids his age are stay-at-home, so they want to spend their evenings/weekends with family and those are my free times.

I dunno, I want to do the best I can for him. I'm still just trying to figure out what exactly that is.

There are pros and cons to each. I need my brat to be as self sufficient as humanly possible..so the daycare I have her in works well for that. lots of kids, lots of interaction, a nice gentle nudge into the world of schedules and school. I never considered home daycare as a viable alternative for my child much past 6 months or so...but you already know i have strong parenting opinions in the first few months, home daycare is perfect (monster stayed with a friend until she was 5 months or so) she got lots of attention and not much competition for it. but now thats shes older I am glad shes int he environment shes in. She does learn some bad habits from daycare which comes from having so many kids in one spot, but shes also making friends which I find very fun and sweet. its very funny to see who she meshes best with and who she dislikes. and I know they are leading her into the path of what the next chunk of her life is going to be like..schedules, rules, dealing with people you like and dont like etc


but i never really fret over this sort of thing, myself. but I will tell you..what you describe doesnt sound unusual for someone his age..they are like little lord of the flies monsters at this age..self absorbed and self centered. my convo with the brat last night:

Me: what'd you do at school today?
monster: ummm I played with my friends!
me: that sounds fun, what did you play?
monster: we played with the inch worms and 'cadas
Me: did you get in trouble today
Monster: *siiiggghhhh* yes.
Me:What did you do?
Monster: I hit daria. not nice.
me: do you like daria?
monster" YES!!!! shes my friend!

 

[kwillia]

Oh yeah... I am talking to you from a "boy" perspective. I believe you can't compare boys to girls and have the same expectations during early childhood.

 

[pelers]

With each year comes more maturity. Giving him another year for him to mature won't be detrimental to him and in fact may even benefit him because he will be a year older and a year more mature when he gets put into an environment where he'll be expected to learn and demonstrate social skills.

He's a late December baby, and I do recall having read something about it being better to delay them so they'll be on the older end of their class rather than being the youngest. I wasn't sure that applied with preschool since it's more about learning to socialize and deal with schedules and routines with some curriculum thrown in.

LT - I am so jealous that you can have conversations with your monster! He's just not verbal enough yet to have a conversation even remotely like that.

 

[kwillia]

He's a late December baby, and I do recall having read something about it being better to delay them so they'll be on the older end of their class rather than being the youngest. I wasn't sure that applied with preschool since it's more about learning to socialize and deal with schedules and routines with some curriculum thrown in.

LT - I am so jealous that you can have conversations with your monster! He's just not verbal enough yet to have a conversation even remotely like that.

Let's put this in simple perspective... when you gave birth to him in December, did you really expect him to be at the same physical, mental, and emotional maturity as the baby of someone who gave birth in January or heck even April of that same year? Of course not.

 

[JeJeTe]

He's a late December baby, and I do recall having read something about it being better to delay them so they'll be on the older end of their class rather than being the youngest. I wasn't sure that applied with preschool since it's more about learning to socialize and deal with schedules and routines with some curriculum thrown in.
.

It can be better to delay them if you feel that they aren't ready. Mine was smack dab in the middle of December and I decided to send him early because I felt he was ready. And he has done well. But I based that on what I thought he was ready for and could handle.

Basically, listen to whatever that voice deep down is telling you. You know your kid best so you'll figure out what is right for them.

 

[libertytyranny]

He's a late December baby, and I do recall having read something about it being better to delay them so they'll be on the older end of their class rather than being the youngest. I wasn't sure that applied with preschool since it's more about learning to socialize and deal with schedules and routines with some curriculum thrown in.

LT - I am so jealous that you can have conversations with your monster! He's just not verbal enough yet to have a conversation even remotely like that.

ive asked her questions since forever..its only JUST NOW int he last few weeks she comprehends them or answers appropriately..but it is SO FUN to hear what she says. its mostly copying phrases from me..but shes putting it together now and I love watching her little mind work. He will do it out of the blue one day! boys tend to be a bit behind girls in verbal communication anyway as a rule. but try asking one simple and predictable question everyday..even if he spits out the same answer every time..he can get used to the questiona nd get an idea of the response you ar elookign for..for monster, i asked her everyday "what did you do at school today?" and before she was able to answer me i gave her a minute then cued her witht he stuff the daycare wronte ont he paper that she did. "did you color today?" "did you take a walkw ith your friends?" and one day she answered

 

[ZARA]

boys tend to be a bit behind girls in verbal communication anyway as a rule.

This was very true for mine. He refused to talk. Literally refused. So one day I got tired of his grunting and pointing and I told him, "If you want something to drink say please." This went on for an hour. He finally said "Puwees" Now I can't get him to shutup.

Best advice ever:

Basically, listen to whatever that voice deep down is telling you. You know your kid best so you'll figure out what is right for them.

 

[kom526]

Your post Sept. 1 child will celebrate his 6th birthday in kindergarten so if you are going to put him in a preschool, consider putting him in one in your school district with kids that he will going to K and beyond with.

 

[KDENISE977]

Pelers your son seems fine in group swim class? He doesn't seem to have any obvious signs of anxiety being around a CLOSE group of toddlers in the pool ? My son is a bit of an extravert at daycare and I LOVE his school. Maybe you could look into some sort of facility with more kiddos if your worried?

 

[MarieB]

I am feeling so guilty right now. I currently have the kiddos with a home daycare provider, oldest has been there for over two years now. She's a wonderful lady and I love her to death, but I'm looking at getting the boy enrolled in preschool when he turns three.

Just feeling really guilty.

So, he turns 3 next December? If so, he will be in a 2 year old class or a mixed class depending upon what program you choose. I enrolled my oldest in preschool when he was 3. He has an August birthday, and I thought at that point he was ready. He needed "more," and it worked out great. He loved it, and he really "grew" during those years

My youngest turned 3 last October. I didn't enroll him in the 2 yr old class because I felt he wasn't ready, but he is so ready now. I now feel he also needs "more".

Don't feel guilty. I would just think about whether you feel the daycare is fulfilling his current needs. Does he need more interaction with other kids? Does he need a little more structure? That lack of interaction with other kids would concern me as we'll, so I understand where you are coming from.

There are so many different styles of preschools. Visit them. I just did that and chose a preschool for my son. I wanted a mix of learning, fun with other kids, and hugs.

 

[itsbob]

What pre-school allows kids to enroll at the age of 2 and 3??

Or are we talking about daycare that promotes themselves as "pre-school"?

 

[Caveman314]

Hmm... It sounds like your son is the same age as mine, and a somewhat similar personality. Our little boy happily plays with adults wonderfully, but even the friendliest kid gets the cold shoulder. The best way I can describe it is that kids his age are treated you would treat a strange dog wandering around the neighborhood unleashed.

He also doesn't talk much - we had him evaluated back in February and he was a year behind in his talking. He has since started speech therapy through the Charles County Infants and Toddlers program, which includes a once a week small group session with two or three other kids, and this summer he will start second weekly group 'school' session there.

Knowing absolutely nothing about your son other than what you posted, my only thoughts are this:

If he's uncomfortable around kids, a smaller group might be preferred to a larger group, since there is so much less to process. If he's getting overwhelmed and flipping out, putting him a room with a dozen three year olds and just expecting him to 'deal with it' may not get the best results.

My mom (who worked with child development from 0-3 for over 20 years), always recommends preschool. Kids learn a lot from each other, and while you always have the option of un-enrolling him if it doesn't seem to work out, if you skip it entirely you can't go back in time and try again.

as others have said, your first priority is to do what you think is best for your son.

finally, at the risk of derailing this thread entirely, if you're really worried about his social interaction or level of verbal communication, you can talk it over with your doctor or call the county Infants and Toddlers program directly and ask for an evaluation. If he's 25% behind for his age in any category (gross motor, fine motor, cognitive, social/emotional, language, self help) he'll qualify for services and potentially some form of preschool through the school system.

 

[kom526]

What pre-school allows kids to enroll at the age of 2 and 3??

Or are we talking about daycare that promotes themselves as "pre-school"?

The pre school that my youngest goes to has a 2 year old program and they are most definitely a pre school.

From their website:


Our 2 year old program focuses on socialization skills and initial pencil grasp and scissor skills. Music and interactive play are a big part of our day.

 

[acommondisaster]

I thought three was standard for preschool? I don't know, I'm so on the fence. Feeling very about everything.

I worry that he doesn't interact well with kids his own age. Honestly, he doesn't interact at all with them, just ignores them or screeches if they try to touch him. There aren't any kids his age at his daycare, they are mostly school age kids. I try to get him out to playgroups with other kids of similar age, but schedules can be tough. Most of my friends with kids his age are stay-at-home, so they want to spend their evenings/weekends with family and those are my free times.

I dunno, I want to do the best I can for him. I'm still just trying to figure out what exactly that is.

Can you enroll him in a 2 or 3 day program?

My son was an October baby and he was a textbook immature boy. He'd only been out of home daycare and into a regular daycare about 3 months when he started pre-k. He needed to learn sharing, sitting in a certain spot, some of the social things they worked on. It was a bumpy year - and his teacher was not well suited for him, but we survived, and in the end I think it did him good to go. By the next year, he was like a different kid and you could not tell that he was one of the youngest anymore - and I think it was good that he had the basics down from the year before and he was prepared when they started on more of the cognitive things, because he'd learned the "school routine" the year before.

I agree with Caveman - you can always disenroll. And if it's through the school system, who says you HAVE to send him every day? What are they going to do? Send the truancy police to your door?