EmnJoe
nunya bidnis
IF SANTA ANSWERED HIS MAIL HONESTLY<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com
fficeffice" /><o></o>
Dear Santa<o></o>
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all<o></o>
Yeer.<o></o>
yer Frend,<o></o>
BiLLy<o></o>
Dear Billy,<o></o>
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about<o></o>
I send you a frickin book so you can learn to read and write? I'm<o></o>
giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!<o></o>
Santa<o></o>
--------------------<o></o>
Dear Santa,<o></o>
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is<o></o>
peace and joy in the world for everybody.<o></o>
Love, Sarah<o></o>
Dear Sarah,<o></o>
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they??<o></o>
Santa<o></o>
------------------------<o></o>
Dear Santa,<o></o>
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my<o></o>
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do??<o></o>
Love Teddy<o></o>
<o></o>
Dear Teddy,<o></o>
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a<o></o>
hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your<o></o>
frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that<o></o>
dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.<o></o>
Santa<o></o>
--------------------------<o></o>
Dear Santa,<o></o>
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a<o></o>
drum kit, a pony and a tuba.<o></o>
Love,<o></o>
Francis<o></o>
Dear Francis,<o></o>
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. I'll set you<o></o>
up with a Barbie.<o></o>
Santa<o></o>
------------------------------<o></o>
Dear Santa,<o></o>
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for<o></o>
your reindeer outside the back door.<o></o>
Love,<o></o>
Susan<o></o>
Dear Susan,<o></o>
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when<o></o>
riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of<o></o>
scotch.<o></o>
Santa<o></o>
---------------------<o></o>
Dear Santa,<o></o>
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making<o></o>
toys??<o></o>
Your friend,<o></o>
Thomas<o></o>
Dear Thomas,<o></o>
All the toys are made in <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comffice:smarttags" /><st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">China</st1lace></st1:country-region>. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend<o></o>
most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking<o></o>
myself silly and squeezing the @sses of c0cktail waitresses while<o></o>
losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.<o></o>
Santa<o></o>
----------------<o></o>
Dear Santa,<o></o>
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're<o></o>
awake, like in the song?<o></o>
Love,<o></o>
Jessica<o></o>
<o></o>
Dear Jessica,<o></o>
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm<o></o>
skipping your house.<o></o>
Santa<o></o>
---------------------------<o></o>
Dear Santa,<o></o>
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE<o></o>
PLEASE could I have one?<o></o>
Timmy<o></o>
<o></o>
Timmy,<o></o>
That whiney begging sh!t may work with your folks, but that crap<o></o>
doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.<o></o>
Santa<o></o>
------------------------<o></o>
Dearest Santa,<o></o>
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?<o></o>
Love, Marky<o></o>
Mark,<o></o>
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your<o></o>
@ss whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in<o></o>
a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like<o></o>
the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.<o></o>
Sweet Dreams,<o></o>
Santa
fficeffice" /><o></o>Dear Santa<o
></o>I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all<o
></o>Yeer.<o
></o>yer Frend,<o
></o>BiLLy<o
></o>Dear Billy,<o
></o>Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about<o
></o>I send you a frickin book so you can learn to read and write? I'm<o
></o>giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!<o
></o>Santa<o
></o>--------------------<o
></o>Dear Santa,<o
></o>I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is<o
></o>peace and joy in the world for everybody.<o
></o>Love, Sarah<o
></o>Dear Sarah,<o
></o>Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they??<o
></o>Santa<o
></o>------------------------<o
></o>Dear Santa,<o
></o>I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my<o
></o>mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do??<o
></o>Love Teddy<o
></o><o
></o>Dear Teddy,<o
></o>Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a<o
></o>hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your<o
></o>frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that<o
></o>dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.<o
></o>Santa<o
></o>--------------------------<o
></o>Dear Santa,<o
></o>I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a<o
></o>drum kit, a pony and a tuba.<o
></o>Love,<o
></o>Francis<o
></o>Dear Francis,<o
></o>Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. I'll set you<o
></o>up with a Barbie.<o
></o>Santa<o
></o>------------------------------<o
></o>Dear Santa,<o
></o>I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for<o
></o>your reindeer outside the back door.<o
></o>Love,<o
></o>Susan<o
></o>Dear Susan,<o
></o>Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when<o
></o>riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of<o
></o>scotch.<o
></o>Santa<o
></o>---------------------<o
></o>Dear Santa,<o
></o>What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making<o
></o>toys??<o
></o>Your friend,<o
></o>Thomas<o
></o>Dear Thomas,<o
></o>All the toys are made in <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com
ffice:smarttags" /><st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">China</st1lace></st1:country-region>. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend<o></o>most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking<o
></o>myself silly and squeezing the @sses of c0cktail waitresses while<o
></o>losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.<o
></o>Santa<o
></o>----------------<o
></o>Dear Santa,<o
></o>Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're<o
></o>awake, like in the song?<o
></o>Love,<o
></o>Jessica<o
></o><o
></o>Dear Jessica,<o
></o>Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm<o
></o>skipping your house.<o
></o>Santa<o
></o>---------------------------<o
></o>Dear Santa,<o
></o>I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE<o
></o>PLEASE could I have one?<o
></o>Timmy<o
></o><o
></o>Timmy,<o
></o>That whiney begging sh!t may work with your folks, but that crap<o
></o>doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.<o
></o>Santa<o
></o>------------------------<o
></o>Dearest Santa,<o
></o>We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?<o
></o>Love, Marky<o
></o>Mark,<o
></o>First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your<o
></o>@ss whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in<o
></o>a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like<o
></o>the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.<o
></o>Sweet Dreams,<o
></o>Santa
