"Dear Vrai": How do we let our wedding guests know ours is an NC-17 affair?

[Tonio]

http://www.slate.com/Default.aspx?id=2103846&MSID=292CDDB1D0EC4F96BCA3BEE2B8FB682A

My fiancee and I are planning our wedding (second marriage for both). We are in our early 40s, and both of us have been around the block a time or two. With respect to this, we are designing a "sensual" (not sexy, not trashy) wedding. This is going to be an adult wedding but not in the X-rated sense. The invitations have Rodin's The Kiss on the front. (This theme will be carried out at the wedding with an ice sculpture at the reception identical to the one on the invitation.) This is not only to wow the guests but ourselves, as well. A sensual and loving poem is on the inside of the invitation. (Though it's very tasteful, I assure you.) Party favors will carry an adult sensual theme (not sexual, not erotic, not "adult" toys, just warm and grown-up; again, all in good taste). The music will provide a "warm" and relaxed/comfortable feel, as will the murals we are renting to decorate the walls (reproductions of David and some fine Greek prints with beautiful maidens and mermaids seducing some attractive gentlemen, and so on.) Oysters, champagne, and other such foods will be served. Without giving away the sensual theme or coming across as tacky, how do we politely let people know that this is not a wedding to be attended by children, 12 and under, who might not appreciate the meaning of the art or understand the fine art of seduction?

 

[jazz lady]

Forget that. Tonio, you read "dear prudence - Advice on manners and morals"???

 

[vraiblonde]

children, 12 and under, who might not appreciate the meaning of the art or understand the fine art of seduction?

NEWSFLASH: Most adults don't appreciate the meaning of art or understand seduction.

You can tell people until you're blue in the face "adults only, please do not bring your children". But, short of an armed guard turning them away at the door, you're still going to have little monsters fingering your cake and babies bawling while you're trying to say "I do".

I'd say provide a separate room for youngsters to have their own chaperoned party, but Cousin Susie will still insist her infant take part in YOUR festivities. So here's what you do:

State on your invitations that the ceremony will include wild, orgiastic sex rituals and mood-enhancing drugs as part of the ceremony. Then hire a Social Services worker to stand at the door and confiscate any children whose parents thought that would be appropriate for their youngster.

Your welcome.

 

[Vince]

Just put a P.S. in the invitation.
No Children Please!
"If you're gonna bring your kid, stay home."

 

[Tonio]

Originally posted by jazz lady
Forget that. Tonio, you read "dear prudence - Advice on manners and morals"???

Are you saying that Vrai knows about neither?

I just wanted to see how Vrai would answer that question from the Prudence column.

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by Vince
Just put a P.S. in the invitation.

That doesn't work. Mommies still think, "Oh, she didn't mean MY little cherub!" and drag them along anyway.

 

[jazz lady]

Originally posted by Tonio
Are you saying that Vrai knows about neither?

I just wanted to see how Vrai would answer that question from the Prudence column.

Not at all. I was joking that not too many guys would admit to reading an advice column, especially one called "dear prudence."

Nebbermind.

 

[jazz lady]

Originally posted by vraiblonde
That doesn't work. Mommies still think, "Oh, she didn't mean MY little cherub!" and drag them along anyway.

Yep. My friend tried that and one couple brought all seven of their kids.

 

[Tonio]

Originally posted by jazz lady
Not at all. I was joking that not too many guys would admit to reading an advice column, especially one called "dear prudence."

I don't read them for advice, except when someone is asking how to deal with their passive-aggressive, conflict-avoiding family.

Most of the time I read Hax and Prudence for the entertainment value, because both of them have attitude and they are perfectly willing to call a jerk a jerk.

 

[Club'nBabySeals]

We successfully enforced the "No Kids" rule at our wedding last year.


In the invitations there was a notice card which (as politely as I could manage to verbalize it) clearly stated that children were neither invited nor welcomed at our wedding.

We--of course--received a call from a few of the more dense aunts and uncles asking if it would be acceptable to bring the children ONLY to the reception.

Our reply: NO.

I then make it excessively clear to the caterer and site manager at our location that no one bearing a child under the age of 16 was to be permitted through the doors. There were a few miffed family members, but our wedding went off without a single juvenile.

I think about the time some baby started screaming during my vows I would have lept off the dais and beheaded it. I would have hated to spend my honeymoon in prison.

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by Club'nBabySeals
I then make it excessively clear to the caterer and site manager at our location that no one bearing a child under the age of 16 was to be permitted through the doors.

Good for you! I was always taught that if your name isn't on the invitation, you're not invited. No need to specify "Leave your squabs at home" - just don't write their name on the invitation. But people are so stupid and thoughtless these days.