Death, grief and social media

[Monello]

Here's the backstory. A classmate of mine had cancer. He fought it for 2 years. We all knew because there's a class facebook page. That is probably the first mistake. Anyway the last few months they asked for prayers for this guy. He passed away a few weeks ago. Now here is where it gets weird.

Guy A posts that we lost another classmate. Everyone replies with the praying hands and the R.I.P. replies. A few days later the widow posts thanks for all the thoughts and by the way it would have been nice to delay the notification until the family made an official notification. Here's the actual post:

Thank from his wife but I wish people would have wait till I had time to post first. People need to learn some manners. Our family especially me are hurting

A few more people reply their condolences. I'm also friends on facebook with the deceased. His wife posted on her wall and tagged him in it. So it came to my attention or on my feed somehow. Here's what she wrote:

It’s with a heavy heart that we wanted to let our friends & family know that our beloved Angelo went to heaven last night. He was so brave as he fought a very difficult battle with cancer for over 2 years and now his pain is over as heaven has gained a very special angel. Angelo has so many amazing friends and as a couple for 30 years we were blessed to have made even more friends together. During these difficult times of this COVID 19 pandemic we are very saddened that we must limit the number of guests . We are so very grateful for all the love and support we have received and unfortunately we can only have a very small amount of guests at the wake and church services. We therefore must ask your understanding that if Michael or I have not sent you a personal message to attend the wake/church please understand we are very sorry about these limits during this time. Thank you for all your love & prayers.

I wasn't close to him at all, so I knew I wasn't getting an invite. Now back to the original post on the class FB page. The original poster also replied with this:

What's even more sad is because of this political virus and insensitive Governor a wake or funeral for a proper way for all involved to pay their respects is out of the question . Would have been a respectful thing

The widow replied to this comment with this:

my husband funeral was beautiful and not a circus. All that should have been there where there. angelo made that hurricane for me. I lost power, showered in the dark but when I walked into brown’s(funeral home) the sun came out. Love you baby till we meet again. Guy A, I lost my dad 3 months and one week to the day. My dad we had 5 people at the grave. No viewing his grand children had to stand on state street and watch from a far. Stop posting crap you didn’t live. And most of all respect angelo’s wife oh yes that is me

There are a few more back and forths between the 2 of them. I'm not sure why the wife is pissed. I guess she just needed to lash out at some random stranger on the internet. She managed to turn it into a real crap show. Prior to the invention of social media the only way you would know this sort of thing was through gossip. Now it's in print form for the entire world to see.

 

[Ken King]

Ask her if she's dating yet.

 

[RoseRed]

I agree with her about waiting until the family has been notified. Had my daughter been home (she was still at school), she would have found out via Facebook that her father had unexpectedly died. I didn't even know until I received a strange phone call. I didn't log onto FB until HOURS later and it had blown up.

 

[mitzi]

Awhile back, I'd heard a former co-worker had died. I went to the funeral home site to see the obituary. I read the guestbook comments and there was family drama and fighting back and forth like it was FB or Twitter. They were fighting about which of his children he actually fathered! It was really bad.

 

[kwillia]

Monello, would it bother you if you found out about a loved immediate relative's death via Facebook?

 

[PeoplesElbow]

Awhile back, I'd heard a former co-worker had died. I went to the funeral home site to see the obituary. I read the guestbook comments and there was family drama and fighting back and forth like it was FB or Twitter. They were fighting about which of his children he actually fathered! It was really bad.

Nothing brings out family drama like a funeral.

I was at one where the sister blamed the wife for her brother's (he was young) death while the honor guard was trying to fold the flag, those guys could not get out of there fast enough.

 

[musiclady]

My great aunt died and my mother received a phone call from her family. I waited several days for family notification, then I extended my condolences to my cousin via Facebook, as that's the only contact I had for her. She hadn't been told her own mother had died! The first she heard about it was from me! She lives in Florida and I was 1000 miles away, yet I knew before her.

 

[Monello]

I agree with her about waiting until the family has been notified. Had my daughter been home (she was still at school), she would have found out via Facebook that her father had unexpectedly died. I didn't even know until I received a strange phone call. I didn't log onto FB until HOURS later and it had blown up.

This guy was sent home from the hospital since there wasn't anything else they could do for him. It wasn't a surprise and in a way his passing was a blessing as it ended his suffering.

 

[Monello]

Monello, would it bother you if you found out about a loved immediate relative's death via Facebook?

The page it was posted was a high school page of just our class, about 150 members. All of the deceased's close relatives were well aware of the situation.

With all the running around we do, I suspect that at some point I will find out about someone close to me demise on social media.

 

[kwillia]

With all the running around we do, I suspect that at some point I will find out about someone close to me demise on social media.

Exactly what I was thinking.

 

[Gilligan]

Ask her if she's dating yet.

Might be too soon.

 

[Merlin99]

Here's the backstory. A classmate of mine had cancer. He fought it for 2 years. We all knew because there's a class facebook page. That is probably the first mistake. Anyway the last few months they asked for prayers for this guy. He passed away a few weeks ago. Now here is where it gets weird.

Guy A posts that we lost another classmate. Everyone replies with the praying hands and the R.I.P. replies. A few days later the widow posts thanks for all the thoughts and by the way it would have been nice to delay the notification until the family made an official notification. Here's the actual post:



A few more people reply their condolences. I'm also friends on facebook with the deceased. His wife posted on her wall and tagged him in it. So it came to my attention or on my feed somehow. Here's what she wrote:



I wasn't close to him at all, so I knew I wasn't getting an invite. Now back to the original post on the class FB page. The original poster also replied with this:



The widow replied to this comment with this:

There are a few more back and forths between the 2 of them. I'm not sure why the wife is pissed. I guess she just needed to lash out at some random stranger on the internet. She managed to turn it into a real crap show. Prior to the invention of social media the only way you would know this sort of thing was through gossip. Now it's in print form for the entire world to see.

Was the widow a POC, I'm just getting that vibe from that response.

 

[Monello]

Was the widow a POC, I'm just getting that vibe from that response.

No. Jersey Italo-American. Think Carmela Soprano.