ditch the addiction to alpha males and bag a beta

[GURPS]

Infuriatingly, as a single mum, I found myself repeating the same dating mistakes, picking the men who seemed edgy and a bit of a challenge. I was fatally attracted to good looks, super-confidence and status. It was (at times) exciting. They would sweep me off my feet with their love-bombing, but these men didn’t make me happy.

It seemed hopeless. There was clearly something very flawed in my own mating strategy. In a bid to understand the dynamics of relationships better, I switched the focus of my writing and research from animal to human behaviour.

Gradually, this work led me to understand that my choices came partly from instincts that evolved in the Stone Age, when a woman would prefer a big, dominant, high-status man who could provide for her and offer protection.

Why it's time to ditch your alpha male addiction

As a biologist, I know quite a bit about animal behaviour - I studied monkey mating strategies for my PhD - but I confess that I have made some poor choices when it comes to finding a mate.

www.dailymail.co.uk

 

[SamSpade]

This was an interesting article, as were many remarks in the comments section. I don't know if I'd make the distinction as "alpha" versus "beta" or between some kind of manly figure versus a shy, less overtly aggressive one.

Some men are just wholly consumed with themselves, and it comes across as confident. Some people - male and female - have developed charm that accompanies their good looks, but frequently don't advance beyond the superficial.

The first relationship I ever had that actually WORKED - I gave up doing what I usually did and started asking for advice from other people, because my normal selection process kept leading nowhere. I kept dating people who were - deep down - all the same.

I have to admit, while it's not the best gauge - I never underestimate the value of someone who can make you LAUGH. I am not 100% sure why, because some people really aren't "funny" to everyone, but the ability to make YOU laugh probably points to traits that form compatibility.

 

[GURPS]

I kept dating people who were - deep down - all the same.

the age old question for women complaining, why do I attract a$$holes ...

 

[DaSDGuy]

Interesting. Personal story, I would try and try and fail over and over again. Then I decided to just let whatever would happen, happen. Four decades later and my SO (who pursued me) and I are still happily married. Why was she attracted to me? She says she liked not being bothered and preferred my laid back style.

 

[Kyle]

Finding the right woman

forums.somd.com

 

[SamSpade]

the age old question for women complaining, why do I attract a$$holes ...

And it came down to - decisions *I* was making. USUALLY. Sometimes I dated friends of my sister she set me up with - among others - thinking we'd make a good match - but in all likelihood, they all just knew someone who was single.

But like women who dated assh*les, I kept making the same mistakes - there's something about someone who tries hard to be unattainable that makes your mind think they're of greater VALUE. It's like that George Carlin routine where the shopper says "it MUST be valuable, there's only one left". Whenever I was with a woman who was emotionally distant, it triggered something in me that said "just gotta try HARDER".

Maybe it doesn't make sense, but somewhere along the line, I just shifted gears. And I met the right person. She changed me a lot. One of the things she taught me is, if you have to work HARD to be someone's friend, they don't value your friendship, so DON'T BOTHER. They're not your friend.

And she was a grown-up. I wasn't her entertainment director, she was quite comfortable doing her own thing without me. I wasn't the "fun" bank, I was her best friend. So I married her.

 

[Monello]

I'm always thunderstruck by the single gal that gets knocked up by the bad boy. He barely holds a job. Is perpetually broke. Gets in trouble with the law frequently. Treats you heavy handed. Yet somehow you thought this was good spawning material. I think these gals should be labeled lead diggers. The anti gold digger.

 

[Sneakers]

Alpha? Beta?

Let me know when you get to Zeta and beyond.... I'll be there waiting.

 

[Toxick]

I would tell bitches to come get a sigma - but ain't none a y'all good enough to keep around past the first nut.

 

[Kyle]

I would tell bitches to come get a sigma - but ain't none a y'all good enough to keep around past the first nut.

You should have that made into a T-Shirt.

 

[Toxick]

You should have that made into a T-Shirt.

That'll be on the back, and

BASED AF​

will be on the front.

 

[Gilligan]

I would tell bitches to come get a sigma - but ain't none a y'all good enough to keep around past the first nut.

You keep reminding me why you should be Emperor for Lyf or something like that.

 

[spr1975wshs]

Interesting. Personal story, I would try and try and fail over and over again. Then I decided to just let whatever would happen, happen. Four decades later and my SO (who pursued me) and I are still happily married. Why was she attracted to me? She says she liked not being bothered and preferred my laid back style.

2 February made 45 years my Mrs. and I have been a couple. 26 June will make 41 years married.
She likes that I loved her, but did not pursue her. It was her choice to decide if I was her One.
I am blessed that she did decide I was her One.

 

[BOP]

Infuriatingly, as a single mum, I found myself repeating the same dating mistakes, picking the men who seemed edgy and a bit of a challenge. I was fatally attracted to good looks, super-confidence and status. It was (at times) exciting. They would sweep me off my feet with their love-bombing, but these men didn’t make me happy.

It seemed hopeless. There was clearly something very flawed in my own mating strategy. In a bid to understand the dynamics of relationships better, I switched the focus of my writing and research from animal to human behaviour.

Gradually, this work led me to understand that my choices came partly from instincts that evolved in the Stone Age, when a woman would prefer a big, dominant, high-status man who could provide for her and offer protection.

Why it's time to ditch your alpha male addiction

As a biologist, I know quite a bit about animal behaviour - I studied monkey mating strategies for my PhD - but I confess that I have made some poor choices when it comes to finding a mate.

www.dailymail.co.uk

So now that she's hit the middle-age wall and realizes that the 10s, the 9s, and even the 8s don't have time for her slutty ass, she's willing to settle for a 6 or even a 5.