Do you call?

[vraiblonde]

Bru's comments in "that other thread" made me think about this.

We typically don't call parents when our daughters say they're spending the night somewhere. We take their word for it after they hit about 15 or so and haven't given us any reason to suspect them. Our newly minted 14 year old's every move is verified, but the 16 year old goes, "Beth's coming over to get me and I'm spending the night, okay?" And we go, "Okay," confident that she will, in fact, be over at Beth's house that night.

That said, I don't see how if a parent DID call, they would mistake the other kid for a parent. I know if I called ANY of our daughters' parents, I would know immediately if I were talking to a parent or a kid. #2 is articulate for her age, and I use a lot of slanguage, but anyone calling our house would know who was who within a sentence or two.

So how many of you call the parents of your teen's friend if they say they're spending the night? Unless you have reason to suspect them, that is.

 

[rack'm]

I call.......trust but verify.

 

[cattitude]

So how many of you call the parents of your teen's friend if they say they're spending the night? Unless you have reason to suspect them, that is.

I have boys but I used to call the parents anytime the boys went anywhere until they got to be about 16 or so and had their own cars. Then it was more of a call to check in thing. I realize they probably weren't always where they said they were..heck I knew it some of the time. I was more worried about them drinking/driving, running the roads, etc. I constantly reiterated...no drinking/driving..we'll pick you up if there's a problem...spend the night. Of course, when I did speak to the parents, that wasn't always a solution either because kids would stash alcholol outside and the parents didn't always know what was going on, even though the thought they did.

Funny, my soon-to-be 23 year old still calls to check in.

On another note, Otter's daughter (who spent a good amount of time with us) would ask me to lie to her mother. Tell her I'm with you but I'm really going Excuse me? No, I won't do that. Funny, we are extremely close now. She's 30 and has two kids of her own.

 

[Chasey_Lane]

When I was a teen, I used to leave the telephone number of the friends house I was staying at. Very rarely did my parents call, but if they needed to, they knew they could.

Now, if I wanted to lie, I'd just say "Hey, Dad we're going to the mall, then to the movies and will be back at 's house around 11." By then he knew it was too late to call.

 

[Vince]

Never called for my daughter. If she said she was going somewhere, then I knew she would be there. Trust them until you find out you can't. Then they stay home.

 

[vraiblonde]

Trust them until you find out you can't. Then they stay home.

That's us too. The penalty for lying to me or making me worry when you're not where you're supposed to be is enormously high. So you better be doing what you're supposed to or you better be REAL slick so you don't get caught.

We've had one incident of a kid not being where they were supposed to be. Kyle told me she was going to be spending the night with Brittany - what she NEGLECTED to tell me is that she would be with Brittany at Chris' house, where one of those infamous boy/girl slumber parties was taking place.

Now, his parents were there and it was all a bunch of kids that we knew and it's highly doubtful that hanky panky was going on. But that's not the point. So she got three weeks of total lockdown for that little stunt.

What I learned from this episode is to question them intensely.

"I'm spending the night with Brittany."
"At Brittany's house?"

#3 says:
"I'm walking with Brooke over to her boyfriend's house and we're going to hang out there for awhile."
"Will his parents be home?"
"Yes."

Larry calls and yes, the parents are going to be there. What we neglected to ask is HOW OLD this boyfriend is - we assumed ( ) he was their age, which is 14. We found out when #2 told us that this guy is 19 years old.

Guess whose little butt was in a sling for not divulging this very important information?

Questions questions questions. Lots of them. About everything you can think of. Then ask a few more just to be sure you're getting the WHOLE story.

 

[vraiblonde]

And get this!!! We found out about #1 sneaking off to the boy/girl slumber party because Larry was going out in the morning so he called Brittany's house to see if Kyle wanted a ride home. HER MOTHER TRIED TO LIE TO HIM!!! "Uh, they might be over at Jess' house..." which she knew was a damn lie because she knew Brittany was over at Chris' house. AND she got off the phone with Larry and called over to Chris' to try and give Kyle the heads up so she could think of something to tell us!!!!

I was never so pissed in my whole entire life and Brittany officially went on the "banned" list.

 

[cattitude]

Otter's daughter: My mom trusts me, so she won't call, but just in case she does, tell her I'm staying with you...I'm really going to stay with I told her I'd be with you guys.

And I trusted both of my sons. Now that they are 27 and 22, I'm learning a lot.

And another AND..I wasn't always where I said I'd be....were you?

Now the above said, sure when my kids were teenagers I was certain I knew where they were and what they were doing. I was certain that we, as parents, were doing all the right things, talking to other parents, checking up, telling the kids to call us. I've since learned -- don't trust 'em.

 

[cattitude]

And another big clinker is the peer pressure thing. Not that it's such pressure but I think every once in a while my kids had good intentions when they left the house..they were actually going where they said they were and then changed their plans because their friends were doing something else. Yeah, I'm sure that it was their friends' fault.

 

[vraiblonde]

And another AND..I wasn't always where I said I'd be....were you?

Pretty much. I got caught almost every time I tried to be somewhere I wasn't supposed to be. My Ma always had this weird sixth sense when it came to me, so I didn't test that a whole lot and got my busted ass beat when I did, then I had to call my grandfather and tell him what I did.

 

[cattitude]

Pretty much. I got caught almost every time I tried to be somewhere I wasn't supposed to be. My Ma always had this weird sixth sense when it came to me, so I didn't test that a whole lot and got my busted ass beat when I did, then I had to call my grandfather and tell him what I did.

My mother bluffed and then I'd and admit guilt to things she had no clue about.

My kids were pretty good for the most part but they still gave us fits, especially the youngest and he was the one I trusted the most.

 

[vraiblonde]

My kids were pretty good for the most part but they still gave us fits, especially the youngest and he was the one I trusted the most.

Same here but our youngest is the one I trust the least because she's the sneak with the dishonesty streak. She'll probably never get the privs her older sisters did/do just because we have to watch her like a hawk and ask a million questions to get the full story.

To Kyle's credit, she didn't bother to try and lie her way out of the slumber party incident. Plus she was a senior in high school and this was a first offense. But Emilie will be stone cold busted beyond a shadow of a doubt and she will STILL try to make up some lame story.

 

[CMC122]

We call when our daughter is over a friends house. I think the parents think we're PITA's for it, not that care about that


Now when she has friends over here we have never had a parent call to check on their kid. Ever.

 

[jazz lady]

Knowing how us kids were as teenagers, especially my brother, hell YEAH I would call.

 

[cattitude]

Now when she has friends over here we have never had a parent call to check on their kid. Ever.

Isn't that weird? Otter and I felt the same way. Only parent that EVER called to check up was the parent of one of my son's closest friends and that we because he was a serious diabetic. He had to get his shots at certain times, eat at certain times. He used to scare me to death.

 

[CMC122]

Isn't that weird? Otter and I felt the same way. Only parent that EVER called to check up was the parent of one of my son's closest friends and that we because he was a serious diabetic. He had to get his shots at certain times, eat at certain times. He used to scare me to death.

Exact same thing with my daughters best friend. She's a diabetic also and they never call. I know her mom know's I know how to take care of her but if I were her I'd still want to call just to make sure things were going well:shrug:

 

[Otter]

But Emilie will be stone cold busted beyond a shadow of a doubt and she will STILL try to make up some lame story.

She'll make a great democrat.

 

[jazz lady]

She'll make a great democrat.

What an insult!

 

[vraiblonde]

She'll make a great democrat.

That's what I told her

CMC, how old is your daughter? Because when the parent has to drive the kid over, they typically come in and say hi, as we do when we drop Em or Alex off somewhere.

 

[CMC122]

That's what I told her

CMC, how old is your daughter? Because when the parent has to drive the kid over, they typically come in and say hi, as we do when we drop Em or Alex off somewhere.

She'll be 12 in a few weeks.

She is very social but only keeps a small circle of "close" friends. So I know those few pretty well. And I call them just the same when she's there.

When she had her pool party last June most parents just booted the kids out of the car and bolted. One mom actually came out and introduced herself and we had a great conversation. Found out we had the same circle of friends in PG county but just didn't know each other

If she's going someplace new my husband or myself always "check" things out the best we can when we drop her off. If we're not comfortable with the situation she ain't stayin' and she knows that is the rule. One time my husband drove out in the middle of a snow storm to do a drive by at a slumber party because they weren't answering the phone We didn't know these people :shrug: And who turns off their dang ringer anyway Thankfully that's all it was (ringer turned off) but we weren't going to bed until we knew all was well.