Don't Blame My Kid for Thinking Your Cross-Dressing Child Is Weird
The account continues at length, gushing indignation toward a world which rejects this boy who acts like a girl. Why can't the world change? Why won't everyone just accept him?
As I compare and contrast this mother's account with my experience raising an autistic son, to an extent I get her angst. It's frustrating to see your kid struggle. On the other hand, I wonder whether this mother takes any responsibility for her kid's predicament.
When my son's behavior causes conflict or confusion, when he offends someone or gets rejected, it never occurs to me to spew indignation toward other parents and their children. It's not on the rest of the world to make my autistic son feel normal. That's not their job. It would be irrational for me to expect people who have no concept of autism to instantly understand it. For them, it is not normal.
My 10-year-old son wanted to enjoy a day at the park, as he frequently does. A day full of possibilities. An unfolded day full of potential new playmates, made-up games, and imaginative adventures.
I see my son, decked out in hot pink Justice sweatpants, a neon hearts and emojis “girls” T-shirt, and pink and purple Twinkle Toe Skechers. He is perched delicately atop the hard, steel yellow monkey bars, alone, watching the other kids who seemingly never have to worry about finding a playmate. The story goes the same way every time we come here, which is several times a month, and it always goes like this:
I see my son, decked out in hot pink Justice sweatpants, a neon hearts and emojis “girls” T-shirt, and pink and purple Twinkle Toe Skechers. He is perched delicately atop the hard, steel yellow monkey bars, alone, watching the other kids who seemingly never have to worry about finding a playmate. The story goes the same way every time we come here, which is several times a month, and it always goes like this:
I watch my gender creative son bravely approach at least four different kids over the course of an hour, who are all about his age or maybe a bit younger, and ask them to play. Regardless of what he’s wearing, his personality can come off a little confounding, because he looks like a boy, but has the occasional voice and frequent mannerisms of a girl. He seeks out other kids who are alone and approaches with a confident, “Hi, I’m Charlie. What’s your name?” Sometimes they answer, sometimes they just walk away. If they answer, his next question is always, “Do you want to play?” Sometimes, he gets lucky. But usually not.
This late afternoon, I have watched him get rejected four times already. Each of these four times, the kid Charlie asked has looked him up and down, and then responded with either 1) walking away without even the courtesy of a reply, or 2) saying, “no” very curtly and then walking away — not even, “No, thanks.” What has happened to basic manners?
This late afternoon, I have watched him get rejected four times already. Each of these four times, the kid Charlie asked has looked him up and down, and then responded with either 1) walking away without even the courtesy of a reply, or 2) saying, “no” very curtly and then walking away — not even, “No, thanks.” What has happened to basic manners?
The account continues at length, gushing indignation toward a world which rejects this boy who acts like a girl. Why can't the world change? Why won't everyone just accept him?
As I compare and contrast this mother's account with my experience raising an autistic son, to an extent I get her angst. It's frustrating to see your kid struggle. On the other hand, I wonder whether this mother takes any responsibility for her kid's predicament.
When my son's behavior causes conflict or confusion, when he offends someone or gets rejected, it never occurs to me to spew indignation toward other parents and their children. It's not on the rest of the world to make my autistic son feel normal. That's not their job. It would be irrational for me to expect people who have no concept of autism to instantly understand it. For them, it is not normal.