K
Keesa
Guest
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
Nope, no more booze for me.
Sorry, but you're not really my type.
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight.
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.
____________________________________________________________
Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila ® .
Tequila ® is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Tequila ® can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you’re ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Tequila ® almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.
Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past; you will discover many talents that you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living with Tequila ® .
Tequila ® may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila ® .
However, women who wouldn’t mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it. Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.
Tequila ® . Leave Shyness Behind.
____________________________________________________________
BEER AND SEX
A guy spots a nice looking girl in a bar goes up and starts small talk. Seeing that she didn't back off he asked her name. "Carmen, " she replied. That's a nice name, " he said warming up the conversation. "Who named you, your mother?" "No, I named myself, she answered. "Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?" "Because I like cars, and I like men, " she said looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.
"Beersex."
_____________________________________________________________
BASIC BAR TRANSLATIONS
Body: "YOU GET THIS ONE, NEXT ROUND IS ON ME."
(We won't be here long enough to get another round.)
"I'LL GET THIS ONE, NEXT ONE IS ON YOU."
(Happy hour is about to end... beers are now a dollar, but by the next round they'll be $4.50 a pop.)
"HEY, WHERE IS THAT FRIEND OF YOURS?"
(I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive friend into a compromising
position.)
"WHAT DO YOU HAVE ON TAP?"
(What's cheap?)
"I'LL HAVE A GLASS OF HOUSE WHITE." (FEMALE)
(I'm easy.)
"I'LL HAVE A GLASS OF HOUSE WHITE." (MALE)
(I'm gay.)
"I'LL HAVE AN AMARETTO & OJ." (FEMALE)
(I'm really easy.)
"I'LL HAVE AN AMARETTO & OJ." (MALE)
(I'm really gay.)
"DO YOU HAVE ANY SAMBUCA?"
(I want to make my friend really sick so we can all laugh at him in the morning.)
"EVER TRY A BODY SHOT?" (MALE TO FEMALE)
(I am even willing to drink tequila if it means I get to lick you.)
"EVER TRY A BODY SHOT?" (FEMALE TO MALE)
(If this is how wild I am in the bar, can you imagine what I'll do to you in bed?)
"CAN I JUST GET A GLASS OF WATER?" (FEMALE)
(I am really annoying, but cute enough to get away with this.)
"CAN I JUST GET A GLASS OF WATER?" (MALE)
(It's 6:00 am and I just stopped drinking * hour ago. Hell, probably spent half my paycheck in here last night, it is the least you can do for me.)
"I DON'T FEEL WELL, LET'S GO HOME." (FEMALE)
(You're paying more attention to your friends than to me.)
"I DON'T FEEL WELL, LET'S GO HOME." (MALE)
(I'm horny.)
"WHO'S GOT THE NEXT ROUND?"
(I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention.)
"EXCUSE ME." (MALE TO MALE)
(Get the hell out of the way.)
"EXCUSE ME." (MALE TO FEMALE)
(I am going to grope you now and blame it on the crowd.)
"EXCUSE ME." (FEMALE TO MALE)
(Don't even think about groping me, just get the hell out of my way.)
"EXCUSE ME." (FEMALE TO FEMALE)
(Move your fat ass. Who do you think you are anyway? You're certainly not all that, missy, coming in here dressed like a ho.. And get your eyes off of my man, or I'll slap you.)
"THAT PERSON LOOKS REALLY FAMILIAR."
(Did I sleep with him/her?)
"I DON'T HAVE MY ID ON ME." (FEMALE)
(I'm 16.)
"I DON'T HAVE MY ID ON ME." (MALE)
(I don't have a license since I got pulled over and blew a .4 after my last visit here.)
"NO, REALLY, I'M OK TO DRIVE."
(I'm wasted, and I'm too embarrassed to have anybody see who I'm going home with.)
"I'M NOT USED TO THESE DARTS."
(I can't throw anything smaller than a pool cue when I'm this bombed.)
"I'VE HAD LIKE 10 BEERS ALREADY."
(I've only had 3 but need an excuse to behave this way.)
_____________________________________________________________
Liquor Manufacturers have accepted the Government's suggestion that the
following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol
containers:
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
> happened to your bra and panties.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering
> when you are not.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
> retard.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
> over and over again that you love them.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that
> ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the
> morning.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
> converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
> tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
> laughing WITH you.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your
> ass kicked.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink you kan tpye reel
> gode.
_____________________________________________________
LMAO!! Is it the weekend yet?........SIGH..........
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
Nope, no more booze for me.
Sorry, but you're not really my type.
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight.
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.
____________________________________________________________
Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila ® .
Tequila ® is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Tequila ® can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you’re ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Tequila ® almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.
Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past; you will discover many talents that you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living with Tequila ® .
Tequila ® may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila ® .
However, women who wouldn’t mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it. Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.
Tequila ® . Leave Shyness Behind.
____________________________________________________________
BEER AND SEX
A guy spots a nice looking girl in a bar goes up and starts small talk. Seeing that she didn't back off he asked her name. "Carmen, " she replied. That's a nice name, " he said warming up the conversation. "Who named you, your mother?" "No, I named myself, she answered. "Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?" "Because I like cars, and I like men, " she said looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.
"Beersex."
_____________________________________________________________
BASIC BAR TRANSLATIONS
Body: "YOU GET THIS ONE, NEXT ROUND IS ON ME."
(We won't be here long enough to get another round.)
"I'LL GET THIS ONE, NEXT ONE IS ON YOU."
(Happy hour is about to end... beers are now a dollar, but by the next round they'll be $4.50 a pop.)
"HEY, WHERE IS THAT FRIEND OF YOURS?"
(I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive friend into a compromising
position.)
"WHAT DO YOU HAVE ON TAP?"
(What's cheap?)
"I'LL HAVE A GLASS OF HOUSE WHITE." (FEMALE)
(I'm easy.)
"I'LL HAVE A GLASS OF HOUSE WHITE." (MALE)
(I'm gay.)
"I'LL HAVE AN AMARETTO & OJ." (FEMALE)
(I'm really easy.)
"I'LL HAVE AN AMARETTO & OJ." (MALE)
(I'm really gay.)
"DO YOU HAVE ANY SAMBUCA?"
(I want to make my friend really sick so we can all laugh at him in the morning.)
"EVER TRY A BODY SHOT?" (MALE TO FEMALE)
(I am even willing to drink tequila if it means I get to lick you.)
"EVER TRY A BODY SHOT?" (FEMALE TO MALE)
(If this is how wild I am in the bar, can you imagine what I'll do to you in bed?)
"CAN I JUST GET A GLASS OF WATER?" (FEMALE)
(I am really annoying, but cute enough to get away with this.)
"CAN I JUST GET A GLASS OF WATER?" (MALE)
(It's 6:00 am and I just stopped drinking * hour ago. Hell, probably spent half my paycheck in here last night, it is the least you can do for me.)
"I DON'T FEEL WELL, LET'S GO HOME." (FEMALE)
(You're paying more attention to your friends than to me.)
"I DON'T FEEL WELL, LET'S GO HOME." (MALE)
(I'm horny.)
"WHO'S GOT THE NEXT ROUND?"
(I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention.)
"EXCUSE ME." (MALE TO MALE)
(Get the hell out of the way.)
"EXCUSE ME." (MALE TO FEMALE)
(I am going to grope you now and blame it on the crowd.)
"EXCUSE ME." (FEMALE TO MALE)
(Don't even think about groping me, just get the hell out of my way.)
"EXCUSE ME." (FEMALE TO FEMALE)
(Move your fat ass. Who do you think you are anyway? You're certainly not all that, missy, coming in here dressed like a ho.. And get your eyes off of my man, or I'll slap you.)
"THAT PERSON LOOKS REALLY FAMILIAR."
(Did I sleep with him/her?)
"I DON'T HAVE MY ID ON ME." (FEMALE)
(I'm 16.)
"I DON'T HAVE MY ID ON ME." (MALE)
(I don't have a license since I got pulled over and blew a .4 after my last visit here.)
"NO, REALLY, I'M OK TO DRIVE."
(I'm wasted, and I'm too embarrassed to have anybody see who I'm going home with.)
"I'M NOT USED TO THESE DARTS."
(I can't throw anything smaller than a pool cue when I'm this bombed.)
"I'VE HAD LIKE 10 BEERS ALREADY."
(I've only had 3 but need an excuse to behave this way.)
_____________________________________________________________
Liquor Manufacturers have accepted the Government's suggestion that the
following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol
containers:
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
> happened to your bra and panties.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering
> when you are not.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
> retard.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
> over and over again that you love them.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that
> ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the
> morning.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
> converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
> tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
> laughing WITH you.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your
> ass kicked.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink you kan tpye reel
> gode.
_____________________________________________________
LMAO!! Is it the weekend yet?........SIGH..........
