bobbyb
New Member
1. A man comes into the ER and yells,
"My wife's going to have her<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com
fficeffice" /><o></o> baby in the cab!"
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the
lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs
---and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX.<o></o>
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and<o></o>
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths,"<o></o>
I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.<o></o>
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA.<o></o>
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her<o></o>
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five <o></o>
minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of <o></o>
a "massive internal fart."<o></o>
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg<o></o>
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, <o></o>
he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his<o></o>
medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch, the nurse told me to put on <o></o>
a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I <o></o>
had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the <o></o>
man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal <o></o>
of the old patch before applying a new one.<o></o>
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St.. Clair, Norfolk, VA.<o></o>
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How <o></o>
long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she<o></o>
answered; "Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."<o></o>
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR.<o></o>
<o></o>
6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this<o></o>
morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to<o></o>
get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly<o></o>
and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."<o></o>
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI.<o></o>
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with <o></o>
purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and<o></o>
wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the<o></o>
patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate <o></o>
surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed<o></o>
that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo<o></o>
that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the <o></o>
surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to <o></o>
mow the lawn."<o></o>
Submitted by RN no name.<o></o>
<o></o>
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed<o></o>
when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had<o></o>
unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon <o></o>
whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst <o></o>
out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my patient and<o></o>
sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor,<o></o>
but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
Dr. Wouldn't submit his name.
"My wife's going to have her<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com
fficeffice" /><o></o> baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the
lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs
---and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX.<o
></o>2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and<o
></o>slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths,"<o
></o>I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.<o
></o>Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA.<o
></o>3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her<o
></o>husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five <o
></o>minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of <o
></o>a "massive internal fart."<o
></o>Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg<o
></o>4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, <o
></o>he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his<o
></o>medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch, the nurse told me to put on <o
></o>a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I <o
></o>had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the <o
></o>man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal <o
></o>of the old patch before applying a new one.<o
></o>Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St.. Clair, Norfolk, VA.<o
></o>5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How <o
></o>long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she<o
></o>answered; "Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."<o
></o>Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR.<o
></o><o
></o>6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this<o
></o>morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to<o
></o>get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly<o
></o>and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."<o
></o>Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI.<o
></o>7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with <o
></o>purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and<o
></o>wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the<o
></o>patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate <o
></o>surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed<o
></o>that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo<o
></o>that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the <o
></o>surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to <o
></o>mow the lawn."<o
></o>Submitted by RN no name.<o
></o><o
></o>8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed<o
></o>when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had<o
></o>unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon <o
></o>whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst <o
></o>out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my patient and<o
></o>sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor,<o
></o>but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
Dr. Wouldn't submit his name.
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