Got my mom ready to move into a nursing home

[PrchJrkr]

The only thing Mommy Dearest owns is this old house and she's damned proud that she has it. She was always the money manager in the family. Dad was able to retire when he was 45, sold the house in NOVA, and built here with the proceeds. The early retirement was a huge
blessing because he passed a month before his 60th birthday.

He started working for the Gov't at 16, was drafted at the end of WWII, and went back to civil
service after he served. He had 29 years in with his stint in the Army. His biggest concern in life was that Mommy Dearest would be taken care of when he passed. He had an additional retirement plan so she could be financially set when he was gone.

 

[Monello]

Here's the latest saga. I'd file this under things you can't make up.

My mom's move in date was set for 1/20. She is getting the only 1 bedroom place available. The current resident is downsizing into a studio. When we visited, the place had all her stuff still there. The staff moves it all for you.

Well along the way, this gal passes away. So now the assisted living people are forbidden to touch her stuff. The family has to come back and move her stuff out. But there's a wake and a funeral to attend. So no telling how long it will be. But I have to coordinate with a mover to get stuff out of my mom's house that she will take there. So now that is on hold. And it's not like the mover can just wait around for me to give him the OK to move stuff. He's got other jobs going on also.

As a side note, if you don't want your kids to have to rummage through decades of old clothes and junk when the time comes, realistically just keep what you need and donate the rest. I found a bunch of clothes still with the pricing labels on them from 20 years ago, never worn. I bet my mom would crap if she added up how much all those clothes cost her and never used. I guess growing up mostly poor, financially things got a lot better once all the kids left the house and she got promoted at work. So this was her reward to herself I guess.

 

[LightRoasted]

For your consideration ...

Here's the latest saga. I'd file this under things you can't make up.

My mom's move in date was set for 1/20. She is getting the only 1 bedroom place available. The current resident is downsizing into a studio. When we visited, the place had all her stuff still there. The staff moves it all for you.

Well along the way, this gal passes away. So now the assisted living people are forbidden to touch her stuff. The family has to come back and move her stuff out. But there's a wake and a funeral to attend. So no telling how long it will be. But I have to coordinate with a mover to get stuff out of my mom's house that she will take there. So now that is on hold. And it's not like the mover can just wait around for me to give him the OK to move stuff. He's got other jobs going on also.

As a side note, if you don't want your kids to have to rummage through decades of old clothes and junk when the time comes, realistically just keep what you need and donate the rest. I found a bunch of clothes still with the pricing labels on them from 20 years ago, never worn. I bet my mom would crap if she added up how much all those clothes cost her and never used. I guess growing up mostly poor, financially things got a lot better once all the kids left the house and she got promoted at work. So this was her reward to herself I guess.

I know what you are going through. But allow me add in some levity ......

But but but. What about dying with the most toys. Isn't this the goal of winning the game of life?

 

[Monello]

For your consideration ...



I know what you are going through. But allow me add in some levity ......

But but but. What about dying with the most toys. Isn't this the goal of winning the game of life?

If you have to deal with them, then yes. If others have to deal with your toys, then hell no.

 

[black dog]

For your consideration ...



I know what you are going through. But allow me add in some levity ......

But but but. What about dying with the most toys. Isn't this the goal of winning the game of life?

It makes me jealous I can't attention my own auction...

 

[Gilligan]

I sent this to my kids a few years ago...

 

[Sneakers]

I sent this to my kids a few years ago...

View attachment 168343

Oh... the memories..... the memories....... I'm having flashbacks....

 

[PeoplesElbow]

The hardest things we will ever have to do. I plan on moving to some really remote cabin and either freeze to death in the winter or be eaten by a bear.

 

[Monello]

Tomorrow is suppose to be move in day. I'm waiting to get a covid test result back. If I don't get it by noon tomorrow, then everything is put off until Monday. I guess they don't let you move in on the weekends.

I'm so close to putting this to bed, but again just 1 more speed bump along the way.

 

[PeoplesElbow]

Tomorrow is suppose to be move in day. I'm waiting to get a covid test result back. If I don't get it by noon tomorrow, then everything is put off until Monday. I guess they don't let you move in on the weekends.

I'm so close to putting this to bed, but again just 1 more speed bump along the way.

Good luck, people say college is expensive, it's nothing compared to getting old.

 

[Monello]

Good luck, people say college is expensive, it's nothing compared to getting old.

Luckily there is a free & clear, 2 family home to be sold. With fees of around $60K a year, barring any huge increase, there should be funds for 7-9 years. That also includes her not getting swindled at some point.

 

[PeoplesElbow]

Luckily there is a free & clear, 2 family home to be sold. With fees of around $60K a year, barring any huge increase, there should be funds for 7-9 years. That also includes her not getting swindled at some point.

Assisted living? My mom was in one for 4 months doing rehab because she wouldn't stay in the nursing home Medicare was going to pay for. It was a nice place, food was good and the care was better than a nursing home...at 1/3 the cost.

 

[Monello]

Assisted living? My mom was in one for 4 months doing rehab because she wouldn't stay in the nursing home Medicare was going to pay for. It was a nice place, food was good and the care was better than a nursing home...at 1/3 the cost.

Yes, assisted living. They have a bunch of add on fees depending on the level of care used. We are bare bones right now. Not sure if MC helps out. I'm just trying to get her in. The others can worry about that later.

 

[Dakota]

I sent this to my kids a few years ago...

View attachment 168343

ugh, no kidding.

I had to go through a great deal of my dad's house and one of the things I inherited was a huge grandfather clock I don't want. Thankfully, my sister said she'd take it but alas, it is still sitting in that house.

Thrift stores and local ads are full of furniture and other items nobody wants. This up-and-coming generation tend to live with just the basics. They hardly hang pictures in their homes I have noticed. Soon after I retired, I downsized tremendously. Less is so much better.

Monello, ​

I have been through what you are going through and it is never easy. It is emotionally draining. As to the secrets, I don't do secrets well and hate that "don't tell so-and-so" bs. Both of my parents are gone, but I fear my husband will be in this boat soon enough having to figure it out with his own siblings. ​

 

[PeoplesElbow]

Yes, assisted living. They have a bunch of add on fees depending on the level of care used. We are bare bones right now. Not sure if MC helps out. I'm just trying to get her in. The others can worry about that later.

Unfortunately Medicare doesn't do anything with assisted living. You need specific long term insurance for that.

Medicaid will pay for a hellish nursing home, but you basically have to have nothing and sign over all future income for it to pay.

Its really too bad, because assisted living often has better care and is much cheaper than a nursing home.

My mom went into hers with the mid level of care and after two months they reduced it, shocked me they would do this without me prodding them, saved her about $400/month.

 

[Sneakers]

Its really too bad, because assisted living often has better care and is much cheaper than a nursing home.

My dad was paying about $5000 a month. It was a nice place, but in hindsight, we probably could have done much better with a live-in nurse/assistant and a private residence. He was a on minimal assistance except towards the end weeks. We finally moved him to Hospice where he passed.

 

[PeoplesElbow]

My dad was paying about $5000 a month. It was a nice place, but in hindsight, we probably could have done much better with a live-in nurse/assistant and a private residence. He was a on minimal assistance except towards the end weeks. We finally moved him to Hospice where he passed.

I couldn't find full time in-home assistance for under $10k/month. Granted I didn't have time to do much of a search since my mom refused to stay in the nursing home after 8 hours, then when I took her home I couldn't leave her alone for more than 45 minutes when she was awake.

 

[vraiblonde]

My mom and dad have a lot of crap. My plan is for the relatives to come in and take what they want, then we'll have a big yard sale with what's left. What's left from that will get carted off to Goodwill, and anything not good enough to donate I'll call the junk guy to come get it.

My bigger and more likely problem is them outliving their money. I have no intention of jeopardizing my own old age because they didn't plan for theirs.

 

[Gilligan]

Thrift stores and local ads are full of furniture and other items nobody wants. This up-and-coming generation tend to live with just the basics. They hardly hang pictures in their homes I have noticed. Soon after I retired, I downsized tremendously. Less is so much better.

​

I'm the living end of a branch of a very old family tree. I'd inherited an amazing collection of antique furniture and all manner of things accumulated by my grandfather and great-grandfather, both of whom spent their entire lives at sea; both attaining the rank of Rear Admiral. My grandmother was quite the collector too. People who visited my home - a restored 1860s ship captain's house - remarked on how much the place was really an amazing museum.

I fretted somewhat over the fact that it didn't appear that my kids would be interested or even able to take the rather massive collection...

Problem solved: Fire took the entire house and everything in it in 2012.

 

[Dakota]

I'm the living end of a branch of a very old family tree. I'd inherited an amazing collection of antique furniture and all manner of things accumulated by my grandfather and great-grandfather, both of whom spent their entire lives at sea; both attaining the rank of Rear Admiral. My grandmother was quite the collector too. People who visited my home - a restored 1860s ship captain's house - remarked on how much the place was really an amazing museum.

I fretted somewhat over the fact that it didn't appear that my kids would be interested or even able to take the rather massive collection...

Problem solved: Fire took the entire house and everything in it in 2012.

Very sad to hear that happened.