Grandparent Visitation

[Bronwyn]

A few years ago I found myself in the middle of a court case for grandparent visitation rights.

For the first 9 years after our divorce and seperation, my ex husband lived with his parents, and they basically parented my son during the times when my son was with his father.

Once my ex moved out, they filed a court case demanding court ordered visitation rights. I can't remember exactly what they were asking for, but it was something like every other weekend visitation rights.

Even though we had an &^&*(%^$ burning Master Well's hear our case, we were able to get it dismissed. They had more visitation already than many non-custodial parents out there.

On the other hand, I have seen the other side of the coin as well.

I know someone who's grand daughter was moved 3000 miles away by their ex-daughter in Law. She has sole custody with no visitation, due to the fact that the father could not afford a lawyer, nor to take off work to travel to the west coast to appear in court. Hence, not once in 8 years has the mother allowed the grandparents to see her, nor even talk to her on the phone.

It's a shame that these cases happen at all. I know that when I was doing research for my case, there was very little information out there regarding the law for grandparents.

Any other people out there dealt with this or grandparents that have been denied access after a divorce or death?

 

[vraiblonde]

I know someone whose out-laws are absolute dicks and went out of their way to cause problems in their son's marriage to the point that my friend, the custodial parent, couldn't get away fast enough. Now she refuses to allow the dicks to see her kids, and I don't blame her. They obviously didn't do a very good job with their own child, why would she let them influence hers?

 

[Bronwyn]

I know someone whose out-laws are absolute dicks and went out of their way to cause problems in their son's marriage to the point that my friend, the custodial parent, couldn't get away fast enough. Now she refuses to allow the dicks to see her kids, and I don't blame her. They obviously didn't do a very good job with their own child, why would she let them influence hers?

Oh, I agree, in a case like that. I hate my Ex-In laws with a passion .

 

[getbent]

Do judges really award visitation rights? I figured if/when the child is with either parent, it is that parents responsibility (or choice) to let the child visit with grandparents. I wouldn't want some judge telling me I have to not only have visitation with the father but the ex in-laws as well.

 

[Jaded3779]

You wouldn't believe what judges will award...especially in small towns.

 

[getbent]

Like I said ridiculous. If your son or daughter won't let you see your grandchild, take it up with them.

 

[vraiblonde]

Like I said ridiculous. If your son or daughter won't let you see your grandchild, take it up with them.

Well, there's that. When it's the NC's turn to have the kids, it's their responsibility to let them see their grandparents during their own visitation.

My kids' NC grandparents weren't particularly attentive, but one year my daughter got it into her head that she wanted to go see her great-uncle and his wife, who are just awesome people. It got set up, they were thrilled, we were thrilled, and she had a wonderful week. But she never had that with her grandparents on that side.

So if these kids aren't seeing their NC grandparents, there's probably a reason for that. A lot of times the NC grandparents want to paint the C parent as the beech, and that's not always the case.

 

[Bronwyn]

Well, there's that. When it's the NC's turn to have the kids, it's their responsibility to let them see their grandparents during their own visitation.
My kids' NC grandparents weren't particularly attentive, but one year my daughter got it into her head that she wanted to go see her great-uncle and his wife, who are just awesome people. It got set up, they were thrilled, we were thrilled, and she had a wonderful week. But she never had that with her grandparents on that side.

So if these kids aren't seeing their NC grandparents, there's probably a reason for that. A lot of times the NC grandparents want to paint the C parent as the beech, and that's not always the case.

In my case my ex moved out of state to Georgia, and my ex-in laws were pretty sure that was the end of the quantity of time with my son they had while my ex lived with them. They wanted to try to force me to continue the every other weekend thing even though my ex was now far away.

 

[poster]

Do they get to see them on occation or did you cut off total contact?
I'm jsut curious, it's really non of my business.

I have a different situation. We are not divorced but have a grandparent that we do not allow to "take" the kids. Primary reasons are they're physically limited and we do not agree with the company they keep. We exstended offers to visit our home regularly. We make every effort to be at all family functions and we make sure they're included equally in things such at 'grandparent's day' or other similar events.

We've been turned down on all dinner invitations for the last year and half.
This is both out to dinner and in our home so I know it's not my cooking, LOL. There is no steady pattern of contact from them to our kids. But they have the nerve to tell other family members that we don't allow them to see their grandchildren. Thankfully the family is aware that isn't the case.

 

[Bronwyn]

Do they get to see them on occation or did you cut off total contact?

Who are you talking to?

 

[poster]

Who are you talking to?

I was asking you but you don't need to answer- see post #9.
Sorry.

 

[pixiegirl]

Unless there is some abuse/neglect issue I think its crappy to withhold visitation from ex inlaws. My first husband is a HUGE POS and hasn't seen his kid in almost 4 years. I am still VERY close to his family. His mother and I don't see eye to eye on him but have been adult enough to work through any issues. People on both sides need to stop being so vindictive and really think about what's best for the kids. My ex in laws love my kids and my kids love them, even if we didn't get along, it shouldn't be about me.

 

[SoMDGirl42]

The split affects everyone, including grandparents. It would be great if all parties could just get along, but chances are if you all got along, there wouldn't be a divorce.

I would allow my ex MIL (and extended family) to see my kids, however they are located in New England. When my ex had is visitation, I allowed him to take them to visit, I just wasn't going to pay to fly them, drive them, or put them on a train to visit.

I give much credit to my sister. She split from her husband 2 weeks before her son was born. She allowed her ex-inlaws to have visitation with her son, and kept in very close contact with his family. She encouraged him to be a part of his fathers family. My sister remarried when my nephew was 4. Unfortunately, his biological father passed away when my nephew was in high school, but he still remains close with his father's family. My nephew is now a 35 year old grown man. This past Christmas his grandmother (grandfather passed a few years ago as well) came to my mother's house for Christmas dessert. This is how I wish every divorced family could get along! Although the marriage didn't work, it produced a son they all loved.

 

[Bronwyn]

Yeah, I feel sorry for the elderly couple that haven't seen or heard from their grand daughter in so many years. They still have pictures of her on the wall from when she was a toddler, as if she is frozen in time for them. They are very loving kind hearted people.

 

[SoMDGirl42]

Yeah, I feel sorry for the elderly couple that haven't seen or heard from their grand daughter in so many years. They still have pictures of her on the wall from when she was a toddler, as if she is frozen in time for them. They are very loving kind hearted people.

but the mother is not. Unless the grandparent shouldn't have contact with the children, that is very selfish of her.

My youngest daughter has never met her paternal grandfather. That is his choice. I called, sent birth announcement and wrote him two letters when she was born. I offered to bring her to him. But because he doesn't get along with his son, he chose to not meet his granddaughter. His loss.

 

[Bronwyn]

but the mother is not. Unless the grandparent shouldn't have contact with the children, that is very selfish of her.

My youngest daughter has never met her paternal grandfather. That is his choice. I called, sent birth announcement and wrote him two letters when she was born. I offered to bring her to him. But because he doesn't get along with his son, he chose to not meet his granddaughter. His loss.

I agree. She moved 3000 miles away and cut the paternal side of the family out in order to keep her life as simple as possible. Visitation, phone calls, and all that would be a pain for her to manage in her new life.

I even talked to her in person and tried to plead their case and she told me that she planned on telling her daughter that they are dead when she gets old enough to ask.

 

[sanchezf]

I agree. She moved 3000 miles away and cut the paternal side of the family out in order to keep her life as simple as possible. Visitation, phone calls, and all that would be a pain for her to manage in her new life.

I even talked to her in person and tried to plead their case and she told me that she planned on telling her daughter that they are dead when she gets old enough to ask.

Holy Crap thats horrible...

 

[vraiblonde]

I even talked to her in person and tried to plead their case and she told me that she planned on telling her daughter that they are dead when she gets old enough to ask.

This will come back to bite her when her daughter finds out - and she will - that her grandparents weren't really dead.

However, you have to wonder why this woman has so much animosity toward her out-laws.

 

[getbent]

I do agree that grandparents are important in one's life. I would not however, give up the kids time with me so that the ex in-laws could see them. I have my own parents that the children can/will be visiting with. The ex (husand) will have to make arrangements on his time for the kids to see his mom/family.

 

[Bronwyn]

This will come back to bite her when her daughter finds out - and she will - that her grandparents weren't really dead.

However, you have to wonder why this woman has so much animosity toward her out-laws.

When I talked to her, she said it was nothing personal against the family. But that she wanted to start a new life without "complications". She is a nurse and moved out west to marry a doctor.

The only thing allowing her to get away with it is money... They are in their 70's and living on a fixed income. I doubt they would turn to the courts even if they had the money though.