I just need to complain about my mother again.
My great-uncle just died a few days ago, and my other uncle (my mothers brother) has had aggressive cancer for several years and we think he's finally going to call it a day. AND my favorite auntie just had some heart surgery thing.
So my mom calls me to "tell me what's going on" but what she really called for is to play martyr and surreptitiously complain about how she is taking care of everyone and get some sympathy for herself. Which is fine, and if I were a better daughter and wanted to feed that sort of thing, I'd have given her an ego stroke. But...I'm not and I don't.
She complained that she has to "be careful what she says" to my aunt because "she's so sensitive and you never know what will set her off." This is not true - the aunt in question is not volatile in any way at all. THEN she goes on to tell me that my cousin's wife called her and said, "I'm scared about Uncle Jack," and my mom replied, "I don't know what the hell you're scared about, he's the one laying there dying."
aHA. That explains why my aunt might object to some of the things that come out of my mother's mouth.
Then she acts like she's the only one anyone talks to. I'll say, yeah, Scott (my cousin) said blah blah...and she'll get all uptight - "When did you talk to him???" Like these people aren't my family, too, and I only communicate with them through her. She'll tell me stuff about my own kids or my grandkids, then act surprised that I would already know. Hello???
It's annoying.
And last but not least, she tries to stir up #### between me and my daughter. Saying my daughter said things I know damn well she didn't say, or telling her that I did something that my daughter knows I didn't do. I think it annoys her that my daughter and I have a close relationship, so she's always trying to find some clue that we secretly hate each other. She'll go, "Oh, I remember when you'd get angry with K..." and I'm like, my god, that was 10 years ago when she was a teenager.
Grrrr...
But I feel better now that I've vented.
My great-uncle just died a few days ago, and my other uncle (my mothers brother) has had aggressive cancer for several years and we think he's finally going to call it a day. AND my favorite auntie just had some heart surgery thing.
So my mom calls me to "tell me what's going on" but what she really called for is to play martyr and surreptitiously complain about how she is taking care of everyone and get some sympathy for herself. Which is fine, and if I were a better daughter and wanted to feed that sort of thing, I'd have given her an ego stroke. But...I'm not and I don't.
She complained that she has to "be careful what she says" to my aunt because "she's so sensitive and you never know what will set her off." This is not true - the aunt in question is not volatile in any way at all. THEN she goes on to tell me that my cousin's wife called her and said, "I'm scared about Uncle Jack," and my mom replied, "I don't know what the hell you're scared about, he's the one laying there dying."
aHA. That explains why my aunt might object to some of the things that come out of my mother's mouth.
Then she acts like she's the only one anyone talks to. I'll say, yeah, Scott (my cousin) said blah blah...and she'll get all uptight - "When did you talk to him???" Like these people aren't my family, too, and I only communicate with them through her. She'll tell me stuff about my own kids or my grandkids, then act surprised that I would already know. Hello???
It's annoying.And last but not least, she tries to stir up #### between me and my daughter. Saying my daughter said things I know damn well she didn't say, or telling her that I did something that my daughter knows I didn't do. I think it annoys her that my daughter and I have a close relationship, so she's always trying to find some clue that we secretly hate each other. She'll go, "Oh, I remember when you'd get angry with K..." and I'm like, my god, that was 10 years ago when she was a teenager.
Grrrr...
But I feel better now that I've vented.
Sorry about your mom's shenanigans. At least you know how to head her off at the pass, though! 
