Has anyone here agreed to stay married until the kids left home?
- Thread starter Spinach
- Start date
^This^
If the situation is hostile, separating would probably be best for the kids. But I actually knew a couple who didn't want to be married anymore, but they stayed living together even while dating other people and bringing other relationships into the mix. Kids were fine, well-adjusted, and not any more messed up than any other kid. It was a weird situation, but it worked for everyone involved, so :shrug:
huntr1
.
Kids aren't stupid. Explain the situation. Kick him out (since HE asked for the divorce). Get divorced. Move on. Be good ex-spouses, don't bad mouth, cooperate on stuff for the kids, etc.
crabcake
But wait, there's more...
First off, I'm sorry. Divorce sucks for everyone involved. Good luck! 
I'd think that would create more confusion for children about what a marriage is supposed to be like, or how we are supposed to move on when things don't work out. If it's for financial reasons, get a (different) roommate so you won't risk having 'hallway sex' with your S2BEx in front of your child.
WARNING - UNSOLICITED ADVICE: please remember that regardless of the reasons for the divorce and who asked for it/is at fault/etc - spouses CHOSE each other; kids do NOT get to choose their parents. So, if your spouse is a third-rate POS slime-bag, no good cheatin', lyin' azzhole, just remember that you picked him/her at one point ... meaning, don't dump your emotions and feelings of regret about your 'choice' onto your kid regardless of how old he/she is. That's still their parent, and they still need a healthy relationship with that parent, too. It's one thing to explain the basics and talk about how things might change, but this is not the time to treat your child as your 'friend' and vent.
And no, I'm not speaking from personal experience here; rather, from others' experiences I've sadly witnessed. I hate when adults resort to behaving like children when marriages go south like putting crap on FB and trying to get people to take sides, etc. I have one old acquaintance putting a play by play on FB of how he's setting up his ex to catch her not being fair in his visitation, how she's running around, etc. I feel so bad for their young daughter.
I'd think that would create more confusion for children about what a marriage is supposed to be like, or how we are supposed to move on when things don't work out. If it's for financial reasons, get a (different) roommate so you won't risk having 'hallway sex' with your S2BEx in front of your child. WARNING - UNSOLICITED ADVICE: please remember that regardless of the reasons for the divorce and who asked for it/is at fault/etc - spouses CHOSE each other; kids do NOT get to choose their parents. So, if your spouse is a third-rate POS slime-bag, no good cheatin', lyin' azzhole, just remember that you picked him/her at one point ... meaning, don't dump your emotions and feelings of regret about your 'choice' onto your kid regardless of how old he/she is. That's still their parent, and they still need a healthy relationship with that parent, too. It's one thing to explain the basics and talk about how things might change, but this is not the time to treat your child as your 'friend' and vent.
And no, I'm not speaking from personal experience here; rather, from others' experiences I've sadly witnessed. I hate when adults resort to behaving like children when marriages go south like putting crap on FB and trying to get people to take sides, etc. I have one old acquaintance putting a play by play on FB of how he's setting up his ex to catch her not being fair in his visitation, how she's running around, etc. I feel so bad for their young daughter.
catlingirl
Active Member
Me and h are in this situation right now. But he's living up the road with his girlfriend. I don't have the money for a divorce right now. He's still paying the mortgage etc and gives us money every month for child support. We still have another 5 years to go before my youngest is outta high school. It works out well for us imo because I was constantly on eggshells around him and now everybody's happy including the kids.
CRHS89
Well-Known Member
As an adult child of divorce I can say life was better for all of us when my dad moved out. Living in a house full of hate and tension is very unhealthy. I can also say that one parent downing the other is hurtful and awkward no matter your age or even when you are an adult. I get that they are not good together but I wish the childish and just plain mean remarks about the other parent to me would stop.
black dog
Free America
Yep...remember, its much better to come from a broken home than to life in one.
At 16 your child is well aware of what's going on. Go for the divorce.
Also,, before you both decide to split the holdings, FIRST decide what is going to happen with the kids still at home. That's the most important topic of the divorce. Who is the primary parent that the child will stay with for the bulk of the time. Let the kids know wtf is going on with the divorce.. They deserve to know exactly what's going on at that age..
And if he truly wants a divorce, you file first.. Play nice, play fair.. Until there is a reason not to..
Go and take half of your cash assets and open a account in your name. If you work change your DD to your new account.
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BlueBird
Well-Known Member
I know married couples who sort of made it work, you know for the sake of the kids....
Problem is kids deserve to be happy and they know when Mom and Dad aren't happy and it affects their happiness. Not fair to the kids. Go through with the divorce if the marriage isn't salvageable as others have mentioned and be good parents to your children while living under separate roofs. They'll thank you for it later. Oh, and I'm sorry to hear about your marriage possibly ending. Maybe a good counselor can help with things if there is still some love left.
Problem is kids deserve to be happy and they know when Mom and Dad aren't happy and it affects their happiness. Not fair to the kids. Go through with the divorce if the marriage isn't salvageable as others have mentioned and be good parents to your children while living under separate roofs. They'll thank you for it later. Oh, and I'm sorry to hear about your marriage possibly ending. Maybe a good counselor can help with things if there is still some love left.
Larry Gude
Strung Out
If you stay together for the kids only to wait until they're gone, why wouldn't you just keep staying together for the kids? Presumably the stay together argument is because it is better for them. Where does it follow that it is no longer good for them after they move on? Holidays, birthdays, vacationing, are they never coming back?
If your situation is amicable, you can DIY. In St. Mary's the filing fee is (I think) $130 or something like that. You draw up your agreement, get it notarized for a few bucks, then file the papers at the courthouse for legal divorce.
But that's just a PSA; if it's working out fine the way it is, no reason to change it.
Misfit
Lawful neutral
Hmmmm...
black dog
Free America
Is it for the money? From the things you post on these forums, I'd be afraid if I were her.
littlelady
God bless the USA
That is not very nice of you to say. I think it is a loving gesture that Railroad would do that for her. He left his new life in TX to come back to help her. When a marriage ends, it does not mean the feelings end. His x-wife is very sick, and he does not have to burden himself with that, but he chose to. Do you know Railroad IRL? Just wondering. And, you talk about your disabled son all the time on here, and you would do anything for him, and I am sure you would. Don't you think Railroad feels the same? Just wondering. Love goes along way and, sometimes, conquers all. And, as far as this forum, members jib and jab at each other all the time. Railroads references to Dr. Lechter are a joke. Brains and fava beans and all. Lighten up!
You don't know how many times I have had to bite my keyboard, and not reply to some of the stuff you post on this forum.
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BlueBird
Well-Known Member
That is not very nice of you to say. I think it is a loving gesture that Railroad would do that for her. He left his new life in TX to come back to help her. When a marriage ends, it does not mean the feelings end. His x-wife is very sick, and he does not have to burden himself with that, but he chose to. Do you know Railroad IRL? Just wondering. And, you talk about your disabled son all the time on here, and you would do anything for him, and I am sure you would. Don't you think Railroad feels the same? Just wondering. Love goes along way and, sometimes, conquers all. And, as far as this forum, members jib and jab at each other all the time. Railroads references to Dr. Lechter are a joke. Brains and fava beans and all. Lighten up!
You don't know how many times I have had to bite my keyboard, and not reply to some of the stuff you post on this forum.
Good post. Love isn't always strong enough for a marriage to last. Good marriages take more than just love to survive. I'm sure he still loves his wife as true love never dies even if it means two lovers can't be together.
That is not very nice of you to say. I think it is a loving gesture that Railroad would do that for her. He left his new life in TX to come back to help her. When a marriage ends, it does not mean the feelings end. His x-wife is very sick, and he does not have to burden himself with that, but he chose to. Do you know Railroad IRL? Just wondering. And, you talk about your disabled son all the time on here, and you would do anything for him, and I am sure you would. Don't you think Railroad feels the same? Just wondering. Love goes along way and, sometimes, conquers all. And, as far as this forum, members jib and jab at each other all the time. Railroads references to Dr. Lechter are a joke. Brains and fava beans and all. Lighten up!
You don't know how many times I have had to bite my keyboard, and not reply to some of the stuff you post on this forum.
Why should I care how many times you bite your tongue or sit on your hands because of my posts? It's a public forum and you have posted all kinds of things I never replied to. Who cares?
Maybe RR's intentions in taking care of the Ex are sincere, who knows. He has said things in the past on the forums concerning women and such, which are a bit suspect to me. Which also leads me to think his "Silence of the Lambs" schtick is (not only old) frankly, a bit creepy. Yeah - I met him IRL one time on a M & G and he used the line then.
I decided to engage in conversation elsewhere.All of which have nothing to do with my son and his disability nor my caretaking of him, for that matter.