How do you deal w/ obnoxious people?

[pixiegirl]

I work with a lady and over the year and a half I've been here we've become very good friends both at work and outside of work. I love her to death but she's soooo obnoxious. I think she has self esteem problems so she feels like publicly belittle me to make herself feel better. For instance in front of co-workers she always feels the need to call me "little girl" since she's twice my size. We're getting ready to go down to VA Beach for a business trip. We're going abord a Navy Ship. We were talking to our Program Manager about the trip and she actually had the nerve to say she was going to "pimp" me out on the ship because I had to be good for something. Mind you I'm a financial analyst and she's only an admin. assistant going along to support me and the other guy. She's a good friend, anytime I've ever needed her she's been there for me. I've tried to say things polietly, I've tried to shrug it off and I've even gotten obnoxious back. Nothing is working and it's starting to really P!ss me off. I'm about to just let her have it. Any suggestions before I have to get real rude and real honest?

 

[vraiblonde]

I used to have a "friend" like that. She did stuff like that all the time - made herself look like a real ass while embarrassing me. Once at a party she started in and I got fed up and punched her out. Not recommending that you do this with your co-worker! But it kept her at bay temporarily. Then she started back up again.

She's jealous of you - why else would she act like that? If she's a good friend, just tell her that it hurts your feelings when she does that and embarrasses you. Ask her to please stop because it's making you not like her very much. Be honest.

 

[butterfly]

Pixie


If I were you, I would talk to her about it. Sit her down and be honest with her. Tell her how it makes you feel and then ask her to stop. If she continues to do this then she is not really your friend after all.

 

[pixiegirl]

I've tried to be nice about it. I've told her several times that there's no need to go the places she goes. I know she's jealous, she's only a couple inches taller then me and outweighs me by 100#s. Funny thing is she should feel good, she's got a b/f who loves her to death and is REALLY good to her and I'm the single one. It doesn't hurt my feelings because I know she's my friend and it all in "good fun", I can take a joke, I can take several of them but it's like all day every day and it's about on my last nerve. I'm about to just lash out and tell her like it is.

 

[Sharon]

Originally posted by pixiegirl
I'm about to just lash out and tell her like it is. Any suggestions before I have to get real rude and real honest?

Sounds like a plan to me. Do it in private first, but remember some people just don't get it the first time around. If it happens again--take the gloves off if she doesn't stop.

 

[sgtsprout]

Don';t listen to anyone else but me on this matter. lol

Now here it is. Like you said were going to do. DO. Just let her have it. It doesn't matter if she is fat, ugly 450 pun ds whatever. Thats not your fault she is the way she is.

Now with that being said. Say Look here you fat WENCH. Either you quit being obnoxioous or I am going to beat the living daylights out of you. OR threaten you will get another FATTY bo batty to beat her for ya. Since she might hurt your scrawny self.

I am serious. Though you have to be as bold as possible with these people. It's not like she knows she's annoying. And when your all smug about it what goods that do. I guarenteee results. Of course she won't want to hang out with you afterwards lol. But if shes annoying well sounds like a win win situation.

 

[pixiegirl]

Thanks guys. I think I'll just wait until next time she does it in front of someone and let her have it. Like if she calls me "little girl" I'll just be like "There's no need to call me names just because you're twice my size." Maybe if I do it right in front of people like she does she'll get the point.

 

[migtig]

OMG - the advice on this board is gonna get pixie arrested for assault and battery. I suggest you follow BchBns advice - it is responsible, mature and appropriate - and it usually works. As for being a friend to you, no she's not. My personal advice is to be cooly civil to her. Distant yourself from this person. Be Polite - but distant. It is always better to be the "Better" person. I personally feel sorry for such personality types - I feel such deep pity when I think of how lonely and empty their lives must be that they must degrade others to make themselves feel better. By the time I am done thinking of how absolutley miserable and pathetic their lives are - I am able to let go of any anger towards them - and be the better person. Works for me - not everybody but it is a thought. Luck - confidence and patience to you - no matter how you decide to handle this situation.

 

[sgtsprout]

Lol

I say beath within a inch of her life lol. Might be a bit extreme but think of the savings. You could save everyone else for the rest of our lives from her sorry thoughts and beahviors. Think of the justice you would be doing for the World here.

 

[romance]

Sprouts a hothead lol

He's just a got a temper and blunt so.....

I say tell her straight out though too. For two reasons..if you are her friend you should be able to say good and bad things to her. If she cant take it oh well. The other reason is if she keeps doing it to you then she does it to somebody else. She needs to know that she is being annoying.

 

[Sharon]

Originally posted by Barbra
I never said Pixie should whack the woman. Get a grip, people.

Me either. Don't sweat it.

 

[migtig]

I think I was refering to the sgt there lol. But truly the less "confrontational" approach is always better - if sgt would ever take anger mgmt classes he'd find that out - But whenever you go up to someone in a confrontational tone - especially a co-worker, their reaction is always defensive. This means they are less receptive to what you have to say - and will sometimes react with anger as well. People match peoples actions and behaviors, which can lead to ugly situations. Workplace violenece, road rage - I could go on. I just think of everyone's advice (mine included) BchBns was best for this particular situation. K?! Ithink if it was a true hangout - pparty with kinda buddy you could get a little more in their face if you wanted, but a co-worker?!! Never now if they'll turn tail and then get your a** in trouble with management for being the hostile one. JMO

 

[bknarw]

Originally posted by migtig
OMG - the advice on this board is gonna get pixie arrested for assault and battery. I suggest you follow BchBns advice - it is responsible, mature and appropriate - and it usually works. As for being a friend to you, no she's not. My personal advice is to be cooly civil to her. Distant yourself from this person. Be Polite - but distant. It is always better to be the "Better" person. I personally feel sorry for such personality types - I feel such deep pity when I think of how lonely and empty their lives must be that they must degrade others to make themselves feel better. By the time I am done thinking of how absolutley miserable and pathetic their lives are - I am able to let go of any anger towards them - and be the better person. Works for me - not everybody but it is a thought. Luck - confidence and patience to you - no matter how you decide to handle this situation.

I agree wholeheartedly! Pixie, just the mere fact that you asked for advice on this shows you have much more brains and class than this woman. I'm sure people see how she's acting and they already know she's making an ass out of herself. Let her continue to do so; give her lots of rope and let her hang herself.
I also have to agree with the idea that she doesn't really deserve your friendship, though, does she?

 

[Sticks]

QUOTE:
We're getting ready to go down to VA Beach for a business trip. We're going abord a Navy Ship. We were talking to our Program Manager about the trip and she actually had the nerve to say she was going to "pimp" me out on the ship because I had to be good for something. Mind you I'm a financial analyst and she's only an admin. assistant going along to support me and the other guy. She's a good friend,

lol, pretty funny, not, so... what's next let the janitor push you around. I will tell you if you don't do something this will keep happening. Calmly go talk to her supervisor and tell her that if she doesn't do something about it you will run the chain of command.

Your so called good friend will undoubtably come see you afterwards and say "I thought we were friends" You can remind her of what she said as an employee supporting you. If it happens again, fire her, and no one else will screw with you again. If you can't fire her, make it known your very dissapointed with her attitude and performance and you won't work with her.
calm/cool/collective=key
Peace,
John

 

[Sierra39]

I think you have to decide if the "liabilities" of the relationship outweight the "assets." If she HAS been a good friend for you, and the ONLY problem is sporadic, offensive remarks, then I would try to salvage the relationship.

This business trip will offer you the opportunity to really talk to her, if you want to save the friendship. Tell her what you value about her friendship (i.e. being there for you during hard times). Then let her know how her remarks make you feel. Try something like, "I'm sure you're not trying to intentionally put me down, but when you call me 'little girl' at work in front of our coworkers, it hurts my feelings/makes me angry because....(you fill in the rest!)"

Good luck! Maintain your professionalism and don't burn any bridges with this woman, 'cause you never know who will end up the boss!! If you don't think the relationship is worth it, then cool professionalism and removing this woman from your life outside of work will do...

 

[justhangn]

Did you ever think about not hanging out with the person anymore? When she inquires to your whereabouts, tell her what you feel and go from there. If you wait until she is on one of her stints, you are already starting out one down because she's already on a rush.

 

[Beach Patrol]

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER, EH?

What's wrong with being real rude & real honest? BRUTALLY HONEST I like to say. What makes you consider this woman a friend? Friends don't act like that. I'd tell her, under no certain circumstances, that her hurtful comments are rude & uncalled for, & if she can't say something nice, don't say anything at all! Some people need to go to SOCIAL school!!!

 

[transcursion]

I agree...go with the brutally honest approach. I do this often and "usually" I gain even more respect from the person for being honest. I think in a lot of situations...people like the brutal, direct truth. Not all situations though--and I still haven't figured out where the line is.